Bonus Tip of the Week-by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on MetroLiving Zine
The underlying question is: Are you there for me?
In a deeply committed love relationship, it helps you to see the best in your partner and to minimize their faults in your mind. It helps your bond to encourage them to be the best that they can be and to pursue their dreams and goals as individuals. Because you love your mate, it is important you become and remain their biggest cheerleader and fan, encouraging and supporting. It is important to show your love and appreciation in as many ways as you can. Sustaining a positive regard and respect for your partner is essential in maintaining a balanced perspective about your relationship.
When you disagree or are engaged in conflict, it is important to remain motivated to do everything that you can to settle your differences creating connection to restore harmony to your relationship.
Even when you are upset with your partner, it is essential you realize that your anger and feelings are your responsibility and your upset doesn’t mean that you don’t still love them. This will support you in knowing that your emotional upset is temporary; your love is deep-rooted, your attachment is secure and stable with a strong foundation of commitment, trust and respect.
Dr. John Gottman says that it important to recognize the cues from your mate that are a bid for affection during a challenging time. Keeping your positive regard always in your mind will help you see when your partner is reaching out to you or you can come up with your own cue that both of you are aware of to remind each other you are on the same team, allied for your relationship no matter what.
It appears to me that the one question in most relationships is: Are you there for me?
Make a list of all the things you value, respect and admire in your loved one, so that in time of conflict and upset you will have the list to remind you.
Just in case you forget and keep a look out for those bids for connection. They can be subtle.