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Big New Discovery-INTENTION is everything when it comes to successful conversations


Intention is Key to all Successful Communication by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

I have noticed that a lot of communication systems are missing, what I believe is the KEY COMPONENT to having any successful conversation.
I am going to assume, which we all know can be a dangerous thing, that if you are interested in communication and reading this article, that your overall desire is to have less conflict, be more successful, have more positive connections with others, feel happier, be heard and understood, have more loving connections with your friends & family, create win win conversations that are a respectful dialogue in any areas of your life personally or professionally.

With that assumption, I want to share with you that the most important part of any conversation is the INTENTION.

imagesMy INTENTION in sharing this with you, is with the HOPE that I can help you avoid some of the communication errors I have made and the costs associated with not knowing how to communicate effectively. My hope in all my life has always been to create more connection, love and happiness in my relationships, but because no one had taught me the simple steps it took to really be successful at communication sadly I have not always done such a good job. I have learned the hard way, and my biggest hope is that you won’t have to go through a similar long journey I have been on and possibly incur some of the losses I have had.  If I can in some way shorten that path and support you to create more HAPPINESS & SUCCESS in LIFE & LOVE, I will feel I have fulfilled a very important life mission for myself, which is to minimize pain and suffering personally, professionally & globally.

I have discovered after years of conversations not ending with the positive outcomes I had hoped for, I now see that the 
INTENTION is a step not to be missed and is one of the most important steps in any conversation.

We need to go beyond the usual ways of communicating with people and actually state what is important to us about having a particular conversation, especially if you have some feelings you are trying to express, or you are sharing something that you are afraid may cause conflict, upset or pain, or you are hoping for a collaborative response. This is the same whether we are speaking with a loved one, colleague or employee.
Stating an intention at the beginning is where you take responsibility for the reason you need to have the conversation, what you HOPE will happen and being clear about your GOAL by having the conversation. If the other person on the receiving end knows what your intentions are at the outset, then it can help them not react negatively to what you are saying. Stating your intention can build positivity, collaboration and trust. All leaders and good communicators know that to connect and influence one needs to be honest about the reason, goal and hope in having the dialogue.
It sets a positive and collaborative tone.
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NOTHING CAN BE DONE IN THE WORLD WITHOUT HOPE
M.L. KING jr

 

If you are unaware of what you are trying to accomplish before you start a conversation it could end up going sideways.
Asking yourself these questions may help you get clarity on your intention………….
What is important about what you want to say?
Why is it important to you?
What do you need from this person?
What do you HOPE to get by having this conversation? more love, understanding, collaboration, cooperation, connection, knowledge, appreciation, change, success, help or support in some way……………

Stating your HOPE or GOAL is vital because it is reassuring and sets a positive tone. It can be helpful to state that it is your intention to share what you need and how you feel, not to hurt, judge or wound the other person. This is where it is vital to be clear and take responsibility for yourself, your FEELINGS and NEEDS so you don’t inadvertently sound like you are blaming or criticising the other person, and you are being honest & authentic about your feelings, needs and what you are hoping will happen by having the conversation.
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It can be helpful to ask yourself, am I going to create more connection or disconnection, before you speak. I have found that leading a conversation with an INTENTION can make a 100% difference in the outcome. It is vital for you to understand that by stating your intention you are taking responsibility and owning your your part in the relationship.
To learn more about NEEDS CLICK HERE and for a FEELINGS list CLICK HERE

I have discovered that truly successful conversations are made up of
5 SIMPLE PRINCIPLES

Only 5 SIMPLE PRINCIPLES to create SUCCESSFUL CONVERSATIONS and you can change your life creating a life rich in HAPPINESS, LOVE & SUCCESS.
So if 85 % of our happiness and success can be attributed to our communication skills then WOW how easy will it be to change your life with only 5 SIMPLE COMMUNICATION TOOLS

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

 

more about Mheyah

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Have you got Courage?


Courage is the Foundation for Radical Relationships by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

We have talked about 5 Principles that are the foundation for Successful Relationships and what it takes to be a great communicator whether we are talking personally or professionally and we know that being able to positively and effectively communicate with others will determine the quality and success of our lives, relationships, overall well being, happiness and fulfillment.
“According to numerous surveys, approximately 85% percent of our success in life is directly attributable to our communication and relationship building skills. That means that no matter how ambitious someone is or how much they overcome their fears or how high their level of education, they’ll still have a low probability of going far in life without effective communication skills that are needed to really connect with people” Jonathan-Advanced Life Skills

So far we have looked at the value and importance of CONSCIOUSNESS, COMPASSION, CURIOUSITY, COMMITMENT and now we are going to look at how you need COURAGE  to create successful relationships.

"love and heart connection"

 

The latin root of the word courage is “cor” meaning heart and it is true
COURAGE TAKES HEART


 COURAGE- COUR-AGE /KUR-IJ/
Noun: The ability to do something that frightens one.
Strength in the face of pain or grief.
Synonyms: bravery – valour – valor – pluck – gallantry – nerve.

COURAGE TO SPEAK-THE COST OF NOT SPEAKING
At this point we must talk a little about codependence and what that means.

Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself. It means you’re trying to make the relationship work with someone who’s not. People with codependent tendencies give more value to others than to themselves and compromise their own needs for the sake of others.
The term codependency has been around for almost four decades. Although it originally applied to spouses of alcoholics, first called co-alcoholics, researchers revealed that the characteristics of codependents were much more prevalent in the general population than had been imagined and we all can have some of the characteristics of being co-dependent.

Living this way creates stress and leads to painful emotions such as shame and low self-esteem which creates anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms then lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings get to be too much, people can feel numb by dissociating from the feelings.
Learning to speak up in the face of the fear of the consequences takes a lot of COURAGE to get passed, but it is possible with some effort and commitment on your part to be aware of what and where your fears stem from.

Codependents and lets be truthful, a lot of people not just codependents, have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs.
None of us can communicate anything if you don’t know what you think, feel or need and you can’t speak your truth if you are afraid of what reaction you will get. The other person ends up with a lot of power in the relationship when you are afraid to speak up for yourself and creates a power imbalance. If you are afraid to be truthful because you don’t want to upset someone else, you might pretend that everything is okay which compromises yourself and communication becomes dishonest, confusing and can carry resentment which is exceedingly harmful to any relationship.

Dr. Phil McGraw says “A relationship is only as good as both people getting their needs met” It doesn’t mean that one does and the other is afraid of the consequences of speaking their truth.
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2. VULNERABILITY
Suffice to say that relationships need a lot of courage because to be in a healthy relationship one needs to be vulnerable, which of course is the proverbial double edged sword or catch 22, because to be vulnerable means to be open to hurt and pain. So if you have to be vulnerable to have a healthy working relationship it will definitely take a lot of courage to come from that open vulnerable place. In fact more so than a lot of other opportunities to be courageous. When our hearts or reputation or ego’s are involved it takes monumental courage to face ones fear of potential abandonment, criticism, feeling rejected or my own feeling unlovable

BRENE BROWN says: Vulnerability is scary. But it’s also a powerful and authentic way to live. Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences. She defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure
Think about the vulnerability it takes to love someone – whether it’s your parents, siblings, spouse or close friends. Love is filled with uncertainties and risks. As Brown notes, the person you love might or might not love you back. They might be in your life for a long time or they might not. They might be terrifically loyal or they might stab you in the back.
Think about the vulnerability it takes to share your ideas with the world, not knowing how your work will be perceived. You might be appreciated, laughed at or downright skewered. Vulnerability is hard. But what can make it even harder — needlessly so — are the inaccurate assumptions we hold about it, like vulnerability is being weak, some of us don’t experience vulnerability or that to be vulnerable you must spill all your secrets. Vulnerability embraces boundaries and trust, she says. “Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.

Being vulnerable takes courage. But it’s worth it. It’s worth it to be ourselves, to connect to others” Brene Brown Article on VULNERABILITY and her famous TED TALK It takes courage to be vulnerable professionally as well as  personally, and again is about living committed to authenticity.

3. BOUNDARY SETTING
People-pleasing is a strategy to meet a need and can go two ways: pleasing others out of fear of rejection if you don’t or pleasing others to feel important.
It’s a lovely quality to want to please someone you care about, but some people don’t think they have a choice and saying “no” causes them anxiety and fear.. This can be called co-dependent behaviour however is not a behaviour that only co-dependent people engage in. Some people, co-dependent or not have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.
Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others and divides up what is your responsibility and what is someone else’s responsibility, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s where a lot of people, especially codependents get into trouble by having blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own feelings on others. It takes a lot of courage to set a clear boundary and then follow through in the face of the fear of potential consequences and equally some people have rigid boundaries, are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them.
It takes COURAGE to learn to be flexible, vulnerable and let people in, however it is one of the essential 5 principles that will support you to create a life full of love, happiness and success

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
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Find out more about Mheyah 

 

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We are all Committed to Something


Successful Communication Made Simple by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

So this week we have the wonderful C- Word COMMITMENT.
When I started thinking of writing this weeks blog and after getting some great feedback from lots of people,  I realized that really what we have been talking about so far are qualities and principles. I have been calling them steps, which they aren’t really. Total AHA moment.
What I have now created is a SUPER SIMPLE STEP X STEP SYSTEM that has evolved out of all our conversations about the PRINCIPLES and QUALITIES it takes to be a STELLAR COMMUNICATOR.

It is one thing to talk about the principles one needs to positively communicate but entirely another to see what those steps actually look like and have a guide to learn from.
I realized that a Step by Step System could be really helpful for most people.

I know for myself it would be and thought you might appreciate one as well.

For now, I am going to continue with the 5 PRINCIPLES and QUALITIES.  We have already talked about the importance of CONSCIOUSNESS (fancy word for awareness of oneself) COMPASSION (fancy word for caring) and CURIOUSITY (fancy word for seeking to understand) and for today we are going to look at COMMITMENT
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So what does it really mean to be COMMITTED
COM-MIT-MENT [kuh-mit-muhnt] noun
1. the act of committing: dedicating, pledging, or engaging oneself.

2. a pledge or promise; obligation
3. engagement; involvement; allegiance; dedicated;
4. an act of committing to a charge or trust
5. the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled
6. being honour bound

There are 3 really important foundational parts to commitment: RESPONSIBILITY, TRUST and super important FOLLOW THROUGH. The really important value about commitment is for the very simple fact as humans one of our core needs is for security and safety, and in our significant LOVE relationships we need safety and security most of all. They have discovered that the relationship we have with our partner is as important a relationship as between a parent and child. Feeling insecure or in doubt about the stability of the connection can leave most people in a fragile state indeed, and this is when communication becomes vital to create the safety that is required for a collaborative loving relationship.

Dr. Sue Johnson creator of Emotional Focused Therapy and the author of a brilliant book Hold Me Tight about attachment theory and emotional connection says:
“We have a wired-in need for emotional contact and responsiveness from significant others. It’s a survival response, the driving force of the bond of security a baby seeks with its mother. This observation is at the heart of attachment theory. A great deal of evidence indicates that the need for secure attachment never disappears; it evolves into the adult need for a secure emotional bond with a partner. Think of how a mother lovingly gazes at her baby, just as two lovers stare into each other’s eyes. Although our culture has framed dependency as a bad thing, a weakness, it is not. Being attached to someone provides our greatest sense of security and safety. It means depending on a partner to respond when you call, to know that you matter to him or her, that you are cherished, and that he will respond to your emotional needs”
And of course this is where being COMMITTED is of the utmost importance as other people need to know that you aren’t going anywhere, that you will do what you say you will do, that you are committed to the process, even through the challenging conversations that aren’t easy to have, that you won’t go far when you need space and that you can be relied on to come back, that you are reliable to follow through, that you are committed to the values that are important to you both, like honesty or integrity, that you have an agreement of acceptable behaviour between you, are loyal, collaborative, caring, compassionate, are on the same team, that you show up like you say you will, that you accept responsibility for yourself, that you are consistant, that you can depend on one another……………this all builds TRUST.
trustThere is a lot more to say on the TRUST topic but suffice to say if you aren’t committed in the ways I have mentioned then TRUST is challenging to earn. I will get into more trust later however the essence is that being committed is essential to building strong relationships , which leads me to RESPONSIBILITY  (great article on Personal Responsibility) which is really the foundation of COMMITMENT and I do have to admit is one of my favourite topics because Personal Responsibility can be the one thing that is the hardest concept to grasp.

We are all 100% responsible for the choices we make everyday, for how we act and behave in any relationship personally or professionally. Being responsible for oneself is a commitment in itself. Hold up your right hand and say “I am 100% responsible for myself, how I act and behave, what I say and do and how I say and do it”
To be reliable and trustworthy takes commitment and what you are committed to shows in your life. Another way to say that, is your life and your relationships are a direct reflection of what you are committed to. We all live in a place of choice and our lives reflect our choices.
If you have a lot of drama in your life then you are committed to drama, if you are committed to love you have loving relationships, I am imagine you get the idea.
I am saying this with the caveat that there are lots of events in our lives we aren’t in control of and that “stuff happens” to all of us that is out of our realm of influence and power.
It can be a challenge to accept a 100% level of responsibility for ourselves, as it is human nature to look outside ourselves for the causes of our challenges, but when we learn to take responsibility and really choose who we want to be, then we have found an important piece to happiness and success.

FOLLOW THROUGH means you will do as you say you will: that is COMMITMENT, and when you follow through consistently you build TRUST, whether it is your special LOVE, KIDS, FRIENDS, PARENTS or CO-WORKERS. So COMMITMENT and RESPONSIBILITY are actions towards improving communication and connection with others.
It may sound like we are only talking about significant LOVE relationships but at the heart of the matter we all need COMMITMENT, TRUST and RESPONSIBILITY in all our relationships personally and professionally.

PLEASE SHARE IF YOU WISH AND TELL ME :  

Change

WHAT ARE YOU CHOOSING TO BE COMMITTED TO?

DO YOU NEED TO TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY SOMEWHERE IN YOUR LIFE?

Or please just add your comments and feedback as I am always happy to connect with you

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah 

 

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The Biggest C-Word-COMPASSION


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

COMPASSION IS ESSENTIAL FOR QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS
This is lesson #2 of a series I am sharing with you over the next few days and weeks on the key elements that are the foundation for excellent communication. I am hoping that you will be able to use the tools in some way that benefits you and makes a difference in your life.
The reason I believe communication to be so important and valuable is it the most relevant way we have to truly connect with others. Communication is made up of many parts, our words, how we say them, our body language and tone. If we all truly learn the Art of Positive Communication we will experience less conflict & misunderstandings in our lives and a lot more cooperation, appreciation and loving harmony, personally, professionally and globally. Communication is an equal opportunity skill that will improve our intimate relationships, create healthier families, communities will be more collaborative, corporate values will shift and nations more united.
I do like to say that being a stellar Communicator is really all about lots of “C” words, Curiousity, Consciousness, Compassion, Connection, Collaboration, Control, Consideration, Care.

So what is COMPASSION?
COMPASSION: (kuhm-pash-uhn) NOUN: a feeling of deep empathy, care and understanding for another who is upset, hurting, in pain or stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to care for and alleviate the suffering. It means to have heart.

Heart in HandWe all need to learn to have an endless well of compassion if we are to improve our connections with others, which in a lot of cases means we need to suspend judgement, our own self talk and reactivity. Empathy and compassion are the underlying premise of all positive connections and conversations and is the cord between hearts. Compassion is different than sympathy and is simply the ability to remain in an open loving heart and be with someone else’s pain even when it is sometimes directed at you. This can sometimes be difficult to actually achieve, however it is vitally important to any relationship.
For any successful healthy relationship both parties need to feel heard, understood, appreciated and accepted, however resolution when there are differences or conflict is a process that sometimes cannot happen immediately, but happens over some time, hours, days or weeks. We sometimes have to be patient with the process. When someone is experiencing upset they may not have the capacity for compassion in that moment and that is why it is so important for any of us to have an endless well of compassion for the person who is experiencing some strong feelings, whatever the cause, even if you are the cause. In our family we call our upsets “big feelings” and we all know when there are some “big feelings” happening that it is our time to bring on the compassion, attentive listening and care for the person having the ‘big feelings”
To have compassion and remain compassionate can be difficult sometimes if those “big feelings” are directed at you, however this is where it is vital not to take anything personally, stay calm and remember that any upset is more about the other person than it is about you. I am also not advocating that you stay in any abusive situation but I am saying that compassion is the antidote to upset, pain, hurt and conflict.
"love and heart connection"

It is a natural human response to feel defensive or on guard when someone’s pain, hurt, upset or a complaint is directed at us, however this is where the rubber meets the road so to speak in any conflictual interaction, and where we all must learn NOT to take someone else’s pain on, don’t take anything personally no matter what, and to remain in our compassionate heart, because that compassion is the glue in the relationship, whether it is a personal or professional relationship.
I often used to say to my husband when I was upset that the only action required was for him to have compassion for me in those difficult moments. Nothing else, just compassion. Trust is built on compassion because it makes others feel important and valuable and that you care about their well being.
Another point that is important to remember about being compassionate is it allows the other person to take responsibility for their own feelings and work through to the deeper issues. It allows all of us the opportunity to let others be responsible for themselves, not try to fix them or the situation, or be codependent ourselves. The beauty in this is it allows for you to be an integral part of someone else’s personal growth. What you are creating in that moment is a strong connection, an intimate bond in our common humanity to heal and grown in our aspiration for acceptance and love.

You will also need to learn to reflect back what is being expressed and how it makes sense to you knowing the other person (more on that in later issues) Compassionate Reflection is the action required after someone has shared with you, so the other person knows you have heard and understood what they have communicated. It is a simple summary of what you believe you heard the other person saying which gives them the opportunity to agree or adjust the message or to continue in more depth.
I believe that the pursuit of love, appreciation and acknowledgement is probably one of our most fundamental human needs and motivators. I can’t say enough about COMPASSION as it is my belief that it is the foundation for all positive human interactions and what really connects us all heart to heart.
So I would like to invite you this week to notice opportunities to engage in some Compassionate Listening & Reflecting and to remember to give yourself some compassion, love and caring too. Let me know how you did. I would love to hear your experience.

Listen HERE to The Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday short sharing on Compassionate Listening or read Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s books on NVC-Compassionate Communication

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah 

 

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SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS START WITH YOU


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

Over the next few weeks I want to share with you the importance of improving our communication. It all starts with learning more about ourselves rather than anything else, and I want to look at that in more detail with you so you can get a better idea of the steps it takes to be a stellar communicator.
Now the reason I believe this to be so important is that if we can all learn to express ourselves from a deeper understanding of what we want and need, and why we want and need it, then truly we will all experience less conflict & misunderstandings in our lives and a lot more cooperation, appreciation and loving harmony.
I believe that communication is an equal opportunity skill for all areas of our lives, whether personal or professional and is a skill that will improve our intimate relationships, families will be healthier, communities more collaborative and nations more united.
I do like to say that being a stellar Communicator is really all about lots of “C” words, Curiousity, Consciousness, Compassion, Connection, Collaboration, Control, Consideration, Care………..no I wasn’t thinking Chocolate, but having said that isn’t everyone more agreeable when eating chocolate? LOL
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So for today we are going to start with the “C” word Consciousness which really is only a trendy new age word for personal awareness so don’t let the word scare you off the good information.

So what does being CONSCIOUS mean?
CONSCIOUSNESS: (kon-shuhs-nis) NOUN: to understand the deeper meaning of what you think and feel
It is about really noticing and becoming aware of your own feelings, reactions and responses. Relationships are inside work and the people around us are only triggers for us to notice how we are feeling, what has made us feel that way, what values are being prodded, what needs are being compromised, what story are we telling ourselves about an event, comment or conversation.

Our reactions and feelings are entirely made up from what we think and the perspective we have told ourselves about it. I do love to say “don’t believe everything you think” and the reason is that what we think is shaped by our past experiences good and bad. If we don’t have a thought then we won’t have a feeling or reaction, and that feeling is most likely based on thoughts that are probably not unbiased thoughts, but a collection of conclusions we learned since childhood and through past hurts where we have learned to deny our needs, values and primary emotions.
For instance one person can hear a comment or view an event completely differently than you, based on your different experiences with the words, what happened, where they were said, how they were said, the context etc and both of you could easily draw up completely different conclusions, neither right or wrong, just different.
Your job is to notice what story, or tape you have running in the background that filters all the messages you get from others. Once you notice your thoughts and the FEELINGS that come up from the interaction you can get clearer on what those FEELINGS mean to you. I know I am using the “F” word but seriously our FEELINGS are our barometer for what we really need and value and when we are able to tune into them we have done the first part to learning how to communicate better with the purpose of living more authentically & truthfully with ourselves and others. The impact of being able to do this is you will be able to live your life more in line with your real needs and values not from the unconscious drivers from the past.

The intention of the consciousness exercise is to then be able to express how you feel to another person in a calm and clear way, which in turn builds connection, trust and a greater understanding between you, BUT that is for another lesson, so for now as we explore all aspects of communication I would like to invite you to NOTICE what you FEEL when something or someone is “triggering” you and what thoughts or story came up before you had a reaction. Work backwords. Do your best to just be aware of yourself and we will talk about how to share it with others later on in the series.

To learn more about emotions and feelings here is an excellent article to help you CLICK HERE

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah 

 

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Creating Successful Relationships


Successful Communication Made Simple- A Series of Conversations

by Mheyah Bailey

“the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives”

This is the beginning of a series about how we can all Create more Successful Relationships. At Connection Point Centre we believe that excellent communication can be learned and is the key to living happy, loving and successful lives. This is where I believe we can change the world, positively connecting, personally, professionally and globally, one conversation at a time.


"connect"

Studies show that 85% of our happiness & success in life can be directly attributed to our communication skills

The atmosphere of all our relationships is determined entirely on our ability to communicate and how we exchange ideas, thoughts and feelings, how we manage our own reactivity, appreciate others’ perspectives, listen, solve conflict and express our own needs and values. How we communicate controls what our lives are like and whether we feel happy, fulfilled, have loving relationships and are successful personally and professionally, or whether we experience conflict, disharmony, disconnection, unhappiness and feel misunderstood, unfulfilled, alone and unappreciated.

Every day we live and work with other people who have different opinions, values, beliefs, and needs than our own, so having the ability to communicate effectively with others is what will create more love, happiness and success in all areas of our lives.

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I believe that as human beings one of our most basic needs is to be heard, understood, appreciated, feel loved and bond with others, and that learning how to express our beliefs, thoughts, feelings and needs is as important as water and breathing. Learning the fine art of communication earlier in life would mean that many of us would have been able to avoid a lot of pain in our lives from the lack of understanding ourselves and each other.

The act of communicating not only involves the words we choose, but how we say the words, our tone and body language. Our use of language and being mindful of a desired outcome has tremendous power in the type of atmosphere that is created during moments of emotional conflict. Words that are critical, blaming, judgmental or accusatory tend to create resistance and defensiveness that is not conducive to productive problem solving or loving respectful connection. On the other hand, we can choose words that are softer, more positive and compassionate and have an element of personal responsibility that will lead to clearer understanding and positive loving connection.

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The truth is relatively simple and successful communication requires that we state our point of view, our feelings, values and needs as succinctly and as clearly as possible with a foundation of copious quantities of heartfelt authenticity and compassion.

Are you experiencing conflict with your partner, your children and your colleagues at work?
Are you feeling misunderstood and not appreciated?
Do you want to feel more loved?
Do you not feel happy and don’t even know why?
Do you feel blamed and criticized?
Are you not enjoying life?
Is your partner distant and unresponsive?
Are you not where you want to be in your career?
Are you feeling unfulfilled and purposeless?
Do you not know how to ask for what you want?
Are you afraid to speak up for yourself? 

“If you do what you have always done you will get what you have always got”

Speaking

I believe there are 5 principles that are necessary for stellar communication, Consciousness, Compassion, Curiousity, Courage and Commitment which we will discuss in greater detail in the series and I will also share with you
the 5 Simple Steps for Creating Successful Communication: Intentions, Observations, Feelings, Values, Requests.
The place to start learning how to become more successful in your relationships is by getting to know yourself better, becoming conscious of the impact you have on others and becoming personally responsible for your part in any interaction, learning to manage your emotions, anxiety and reactivity. Combine all that with stellar communication skills and you can create the life you have always dreamed of personally, professionally and globally.
10 Reason to Improve Communication

Connection Point Centre specializes in teaching communication skills that create connection and harmony, resolves conflict, improves relationships through heart to heart conversations, team building through authentic expression and collaboration, coaching dynamic cultures and creating more love, happiness and success in all areas of your life.

“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart” – Dr. Marshall Rosenberg NVC

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at www.connectionpointcentre.com
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The Act of Compassion

What does it take to be Compassionate?
Also published on Metro LivingZine

Over the past months we have been learning about the 5 Principles for Successful Communication and are delving deeper into what it takes and who we need to be to develop the qualities it takes to embody the 5 Principles which are:
ConsciousnessCompassionCuriousityCourage and Commitment

We are now going to look more deeply at what it means to be Compassionate and how to actually embody Compassion

Firstly what is the definition of Compassion? What does it mean?

COMPASSION: (kuhm-pash-uhn) NOUN: a feeling of deep empathy, care and understanding for another who is upset, hurting, in pain or stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to care for and alleviate the suffering. It means to have heart.

Compassion is a Verb

We all need to learn to have an endless well of compassion if we are to improve our connections with others, which in a lot of cases means we need to suspend judgment, our own self talk and reactivity. Empathy and compassion are the underlying premise of all positive connections and conversations and is the cord between hearts. Compassion is different than sympathy and is simply the ability to remain in an open loving heart and be with someone else’s pain even when it is sometimes directed at you. This can often times be difficult to actually achieve, however it is vitally important to any relationship.

For any successful healthy relationship both parties need to feel heard, understood, appreciated and accepted, however resolution when there are differences or conflict is a process that sometimes cannot happen immediately, but happens over some time, hours, days or weeks even. We sometimes have to be patient with the process. When someone is experiencing upset they may not have the capacity for compassion in that moment and that is why it is so important for any of us to have an endless well of compassion for the person who is experiencing some strong feelings, whatever the cause, even if you are the cause. In our family we call our upsets “big feelings” and we all know when there are some “big feelings” happening that it is our time to bring on the compassion, attentive listening and care for the person having the ‘big feelings”
It is usually in a moment of conflict or upset that our ability to be compassionate flies out the window, which is entirely human, however is where we need to grow as individuals.

There are a few qualities we need to embrace and embody to be able to be compassionate for others in times of stress.

  1. Don’t take anything personally.
    I imagine you may have heard that expression before as it has been widely publicized in the Toltec book; The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, but how do you manage to not take anything personally? Don Miguel says:
    “Nothing others do is because of you.       What others say and do is a projection of their own story. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. We take things personally when we agree with what others have said. If we didn’t agree, the things that others say would not affect us emotionally. If we did not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior could not affect us. Even if someone yells at you, gossips about you, harms you or yours, it still is not about you! Their actions and words are based on what they believe in their personal story”
    To not take what others say personally is a skill for sure, one that takes time to cultivate but can be managed, and is about really integrating deep down this idea that anyone’s reaction has nothing to do with you and is only about them, what they are thinking, the story they have made up about what an event means, that their response is through the lens and perspective they see the world, from all their experiences, upbringing and education. We are shaped from the moment we are born until the day we die. We have the ability to change our perspectives at any given time, however we can only respond and react with the information we have accumulated at any given moment.
    It is a radical gift to allow someone the space to be in his or her own reality and not take responsibility for their experience or by trying to fix them. When we take things personally we are in essence taking responsibility away from someone and it is a true gift of growth to allow someone to take responsibility for their own experience, feelings and needs.
    It isn’t about you, it is about them, it is never about you and only ever about the other person.
    For me being able to have that perspective helps me not take anything personally. I have come to understand that it is never about me and that there is a lovely freedom in not feeling responsible for others reactions, feelings and responses. This allows us to be open in our hearts and offer compassion and curiousity instead of being caught up in the story, which I believe is foundational for loving connection.

    Compassion is the antidote to upset, pain, hurt and conflict. It may sound easy but can be a real challenge. If you also start to react or if you find yourself taking something personally and making it about you, STOP, LOOK & LISTEN which leads us to # 2.
    It is not you
  2. Listening: Manage your reactivity and listen with heart.
    Listening to understand is one of the most important skills to cultivate if you want to have compassion and excel at communication. Authentically listening means you are in your heart and not in your head rebutting, defending, arguing, stonewalling etc or any other myriad of negative reactions that cuts off connection. When you listen, are curious, reflective and responsive then you are able to have compassion. Listening is ultimately respect in one of its highest forms.
    There is no room for compassion if you are not listening with your heart and I believe that the pursuit of love, appreciation and acknowledgement is probably one of our most fundamental human needs and motivators. To authentically listen, it is important to suspend judgment, don’t assume you know, resist fixing, telling, scolding, sharing your advice or opinions. Just LOOK and HEAR with compassion. I can’t say enough about COMPASSION as it is my belief that it is the foundation for all positive human interactions and is what really connects us all heart to heart.
  1. Being in our heart which to me means, just standing in front of someone BEING THERE with no judgment, our body language open and soft, our brains devoid of chatter but full of love and empathy. Encompassing this quality reminds me of a coaching program I attend and support. One of the first things we are told our only job for the week is “just love the people when they walk in the room” which meant so much to me as a concept and went straight to my heart. An AHA moment one might say.Heart in Hand

Just love people where they are; It is the essence of compassion
Our leader from Choices, Thelma Box is a wise woman, and what she meant was no matter what anyone is bringing to the table, your relationship, your workplace, just love them when they come in the room. That is compassion at work.

So as you learn to cultivate compassion, I would like to ask you, what do you need to do, or NOT do, to be more compassionate?

What do you need to say No to? In my case I needed to learn to say NO to fixing people. What do you need to say YES to? I needed to say YES to embracing vulnerability.
What about you, what do you need to say NO to and what do you need to say YES to?

I also would like to suggest that who you choose to be in any given moment will either give you more of what you want or less, so ask yourself:

Are you choosing more connection or disconnection? Am I creating more connection or disconnection? We are all responsible for our reactions and responses and the outcome is up to us.

Who do you need to be today to get more of what you want in your life?
Love Mheyah

Please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest
Email: mheyah@gmail.com

love

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I have presents for you….

ANNOUNCING THE NEW CONNECTION POINT PROMISE

At CONNECTION POINT– We promise CLARITY,
“AHA” MOMENTS & 
TRANSFORMATION.

My “soul” purpose is to support you to create authentic change 
through personal awareness, communication training & inspirational coaching.
MHEYAH BAILEY-CCO-CHIEF CONNECTION OFFICER

HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE
I have been thinking of all the amazing people in my life like you and it is a again my favourite time of year when it feels like renewal and time for new things to happen and I want to say HI.

I have been inspired to re-create CONNECTION POINT to better reflect what I do and what I offer you so please check out my website as I am so excited to share it with you so you can learn more of who I am and how I can support you. It is still in the process of evolving so please bear with me as it unfolds.
It is my “soul” purpose to help you create authentic change so you can have a life with more of what you want and less of what isn’t working. Connecting with all of you, as well as my friends and family and being of service is what makes me get up in the morning, my reason for being here on earth, the purpose of my heart and my global contribution to change the world one conversation at a time.  

I want to support you to live an Inspired Life full of more
LOVE, SUCCESS, HAPPINESS, FULFILLMENT, PURPOSE & BEAUTY. 
I can promise that spending time with me will GIVE you CLARITY, “AHA” MOMENTS & TRANSFORMATION through developing more personal awareness of your needs and values, teaching you to excel at communication and help you to create goals that will move you toward your desired future.
I am offering some STELLAR SPRING SPECIALS for everyone who wants to discover something new about themselves, wants to figure out their LIFE PURPOSE, needs help with their COMMUNICATION, is feeling CURIOUS and WONDERING what’s next, is thinking how can I change my life so I can feel HAPPIER, have less conflict and enjoy more harmonious relationships, is seriously thinking something needs to change here……………..
 
The SPRING SPECIALS are:

1. SIGN UP BELOW  for some FREE COACHING
What is the burning question you want an answer to?
CALL ME or TEXT ME at  07986 201914
or EMAIL ME at mheyah@gmail.com and we can talk about it.

2. SIGN UP BELOW if  COMMUNICATION is what you want to learn more about?and I will send you some FREE COMMUNICATION INFORMATION and regular newsletters about how to improve your communication skills.
3. SIGN UP BELOW Call, Text, Email or Join me on Twitter or Facebook and let me know what you want to change in your life and I will send you a Questionnaire to help you fine tune what you want and need.
Please share this with anyone you think would be interested in changing their life. Looking forward to connecting with you

love Mheyah

LOVE IS OUR SOUL PURPOSE”

Collaborating for Conscious Change Personally, Professionally, Globally

-Discover your Values
-Define your Purpose
-Create a Vision
-Set Goals and Support Action

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want-Lao Tzu

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10 GREAT REASONS TO IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATION

 

10 Reason to Improve Communication