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Did CURIOUSITY really kill the cat?

Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

Continuing on with the series I am sharing with you over the next few days and weeks on the key elements that are the foundation for excellent communication. I am hoping that you will be able to use the tools in some way that benefits you and makes a difference in your life.

The reason I believe communication to be so important and valuable is it the most relevant way we have to truly connect with others. Communication is made up of many parts, our words, how we say them, our body language and tone. If we all truly learn the Art of Positive Communication we will experience less conflict & misunderstandings in our lives and a lot more cooperation, appreciation and loving harmony, personally, professionally and globally. Communication is an equal opportunity skill that will improve our intimate relationships, create healthier families, communities will be more collaborative, corporate values will shift and nations more united.
I believe that excellent Communication is really all about lots of “C” words, Curiousity, Consciousness, Compassion, Connection, Collaboration, Control, Consideration, Care…….AND I thought of some new ones, Courage, Commitment, Confidence, Change, Character, Competence, Consistency……..Change

In previous newsletters we learned about Consiousness and Compassion and now we are going to look at the “C” word CURIOUSITY

So what is it to be CURIOUS?

CURIOUS:[kyoor-ee-uhs] ADJECTIVE: eager to learn, understand or know; to be inquisitive, arousing or exciting speculation, interest, or attention through being different or unknown; an inquiring open mind interested & seeking to know and understand; to wonder.

Be curious with the open heart & mind of a child. Have you ever listened to a child who is curious about something? They are unequalled in their persistence to get the answers so they can understand.

I believe it is invaluable to be deeply interested in what another person is trying to express with no agenda other than to understand, and in turn being deeply curious about yourself, what you are feeling and what you need to express as well.
Being curious shows that you care, that you are interested, that how the other person feels is important to you and that they are important to you. While being curious you need to be able to listen without judgment or interrupting. Listening means to be silent and that your brain is entirely engaged with your partners experience and how they are feeling as they struggle to express what is going on for them, while also being mindful of your own feelings and responses. It is helpful to stop yourself from knowing anything and to not  be in rebuttal mode. It means that you remain an open blank slate without making assumptions that you already know and understand what others are trying to express.
Curiousity means that you are remembering that none of what is being said is personal and it means you are LISTENING INTENTLY to what is being said, what is happening, what has caused the upset, what the other persons values are, what is important to them and how they want or need something to be different so they will be happier and your relationship will be better personally or professionally.
A need could be as simple as desiring more tidiness or as fundamental as wanting to feel more respected, but all worthy of our time, compassion, cooperation and collaboration to resolve.

GREAT LITTLE VIDEO-HAVE YOU SEEN IT “Remember it is NOT about the NAIL


It is so important to check out what is going on for another person, make sure what you heard is what was intended, and do your best to understand what is important, what they need and are asking for.  Curiousity builds trust if you are truly seeking to understand someone else with a compassionate heart.

POWER OF LOVEIf you can stay curious even in times of relationship stress, you are on the road to positive healthy relationships. Curiousity helps you stay present to what is happening, what is trying to happen and collaboratively decide what needs to happen going forward. Being curious about the people we are in relationships with, how they experience life, understanding and appreciating their perspective is the key to love in personal relationships and collaborative professional relationships creating an unbreakable bond of positive connection and mutual respect.

Questions can often times sound judgemental or like a criticism so it can be helpful to not use the word “why” but instead to use open questions that start with “what” and “how”:
What happened?
What is that like?
How do you feel?
What is important about that to you?
What do you need?
Can you help me understand?
How can I help?

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah 


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Life Lessons I learned from Bailey & Ziggy

My cats Bailey & Ziggy have been great communicators and I have learned to speak cat quite well.  Ziggy has the most wonderful qualities that make him an excellent companion, friend and yes he is a very handsome man I sleep and snuggle with. As the human in this partnership it has taken me a long time to learn so many of the qualities that Ziggy knows intuitively about love, life & happiness.
IMG_3306Life Rules by Ziggy & Bailey

*Love unconditionally: with compassion, an open heart  no judgement or expectation
*Purr, kiss & “knead” often: show love, affection, kindness and appreciation as often as possible
*Meow loudly and with persistance until you get what you need
*Be curious “curiousity DID NOT kill the cat” but shows care
*Be independent and not needy
*Take time to look after yourself: exercise, stretch, rest, go to the spa
*Eat small portions all day, eat healthy, organic & local
*Bring presents to those you love: love the pressies 🙂

*Stand your ground
*Say hello and smile at everyone
*Look everyone in the eye
*Be bold and confident
*Be a leader: he helped a kitten off the roof the other day. Just waited to see if she could get down and then when she couldn’t find a way, went up there himself and led the way down for her
*Follow when someone shows you the way
*Play: like a twist tie, in the middle of the night, seriously 🙂
*Share what you have with others: he shares his water bowl with the dog and waits patiently until she is done
*Wait your turn
*Give people space when they need it and just hangout with them
*Never take anything personally, it’s not about you
*Be courageous: you have heard of the expression “scaredy cat” then that means he has HUGE courage if he is scared all the time
*Don’t rush things & exercise caution
*Be meticulous and fastidious
*Admire the Christmas tree with wonder
*Smell the flowers, lie in the shade, enjoy the garden
*Trust yourself and others, assume the best
*Be loyal and committed
*Take time for yourself to lick your wounds
*Greet people when they come in the door
*Be proud and strut your stuff
*Listen and let people cry. You don’t have to fix anything
*Make lots of friends
*Respect others boundaries: the dog has staked out her territory on the couch and Ziggy will never cross the line in the sand. It is a silent agreed upon boundary
*Growl a little to warn intruders
*Be social and join in the fun but go to bed when you are ready.
*Have routine & structure. It’s good for your health
*Be careful around cars
*Be humble
*Let people be responsible for themselves
*Go say hi to the neighbours but don’t cross the doorstep unless invited
*Follow the rules but make your own too
*Check things out before deciding if it is right for you
*Live as if you have nothing to worry about
*Die in your loved ones arms (miss you Bailey)

I just wanted to have some fun today as I have been working putting together some really fantastic new and exciting stuff to offer you and thought you might enjoy a a little fun today too.
Please sign up below so you can be the first to get access to some life changing information that will really “off the charts” ramp up your HAPPINESS & SUCCESS in LIFE and LOVE
.

Hope you all have a great weekend & I will connect with you next week. Keep an eye out for upcoming “stuff”
Love Mheyah 

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CONNECTION POINT CENTRE

Happy_2042210cWe Help You Create Successful Conversations & Connections In All Areas Of Your Life So You Will:

  • Manage Conflict & Differences positively
  • Have More Loving & Harmonious Relationships 
  • Save your Marriage
  • Be More Successful Professionally
  • Feel Confident and have Fun Dating
  • Feel Happier & More Content
  • Have More Confidence In Your Abilities
  • Enjoy More Understanding, Love & Appreciation
  • Have A Respectful Passionate Connection & Deep Friendship With Your Partner

Get your FREE Successful Conversation & Connection webinar & our weekly tips here 

Thank you for visiting Connection Point Centre for Communication. We are here to help you find the keys to more happiness, success, love and fulfillment in your life. Connecting with a coach can help you discover “yourself” so you can get past the obstacles that are holding you back from having the life you want. I will support you to make the necessary changes for you to be successful in all areas of your life, whether you want to feel happier and more at peace, have more loving relationships with less conflict or find your true hearts calling and purpose.
Change can be so much easier with a coach and I am committed to support, inspire encourage and collaborate with you to create the life you want. 

With my support you will create new empowering beliefs & behavior patterns that inspire confidence and move you toward your goals, learn how to communicate effectively everywhere in your life so you feel confident and self assured in positive outcomes. Create a vision for your life and turn it into a reality
. Eliminate self-destructive habits that are keeping you stuck. I look forward to connecting with you, Mheyah 
Call now to book your FREE online connection session +1-778-952-4797

“I was a participant in one of Mheyah’s Group Facilitations and she was brilliant. She easily and expertly led us to individual awareness, gave us practical context for improving our communication with others, and challenged us to use our new knowledge in a fun and enlightening exercise. Mheyah is a skilled facilitator committed to high impact outcomes and I am very happy to recommend her work to groups of all types.”

MS-Award Winning Business Differentiation Coach
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Great Communication Skills will make you Happier & More Successful

Hello everyone. This is your mid-week hello and giving you a FREE GIFT to thank you all for connecting with me over the last few weeks.
PLEASE LISTEN TO MY VIDEO FOR YOUR FREE GIFT

[easy_sign_up title=”HERE”]I LOOK FORWARD TO CONNECTING WITH YOU ALL SOON
LOVE MHEYAH

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JUST A QUICK QUESTION TODAY

HAPPY NEW WEEK EVERYONE
Lately I have been getting lots of questions about the actual steps it takes to communicate better, how to say things differently or even how to write a letter to someone that will inspire a POSITIVE response and interaction, instead of blowing up the connection and causing CONFLICT, STRESS, CHAOS and UPSET. How about you? I would love to know more about what challenges you are having or what questions you might want to ask me,

SO PLEASE FILL OUT MY MINI-SURVEY HERE Fill out my form!
AND IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT SHOOT ME A COMMENT OR EMAIL
HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT WEEK AND THANKS AGAIN

TA TA FOR NOW
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Mheyah

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WHAT IS IMPORTANT ABOUT COMMUNICATION ANYWAY?

Why would you want to Improve your Communication Skills?

“According to numerous surveys, approximately 85% percent of our success in life is directly attributable to our communication and relationship building skills. That means that no matter how ambitious someone is or how much they overcome their fears or how high their level of education, they’ll still have a low probability of going far in life without effective communication skills that are needed to really connect with people” 

I started to write this article about “Improving Communication” and something happened along the way and I felt compelled to talk about a topic that was insinuating itself in my consciousness all week from a myriad of sources, which is:
What would cause anyone to want to IMPROVE their COMMUNICATION, how can we quantify the success of IMPROVED COMMUNICATION and what would the tangible results and benefits be for those that embarked on changing how they communicated?
iStock_000015408198Small-849x198
This caused me to start thinking, and once I start thinking I am pretty tenacious until I figure STUFF out, and what came to mind is,  you might NOT feel compelled to learn new ways to communicate if:
1) You believe life is as good as it gets, which is great if your life is already awesome, congratulations, but NOT if you have settled for less than loving extraordinary relationships, you don’t have a career that is fulfilling and purposeful or you aren’t living in integrity and congruently with your own needs and values which leaves you feeling unsettled, stressed and unhappy.

2) You have no conflict in your life, have never had an argument that went off the rails, never had a break up, or lost someone you loved because of irreconcilable differences, divorced, never had regrets about how you could have behaved differently and created a different outcome, lost a job, didn’t get the opportunity you were hoping for, your family doesn’t get along……you get the idea.


3) It all seems complicated and you want a simple step by step easy guide LOL
So #1 is fairly obvious, as we all can occasionally think
“this is good enough, I shouldn’t complain” or  think “this is as good as it gets, sigh” and don’t hope or dream for more, but we seem to be settling for relationships and careers that do not meet our needs, support our values and rob us of inner peace and happiness more and more. We give up on our dreams, lower our expectations and live a life that is unfulfilling and less than inspiring, hence part of the 353% increase in the use of anti-depressants in Canada from 3.2 million to 14.5 million in 20 years. There is not just one factor that leads to depression, but we know the  break down of our social structures of community, family and marriage, conflict, isolation, stress due to overwork and unbalanced lifestyles  affects our lives dramatically, because as humans we are wired for connection, attachment and relationships. 
When those dynamics are in jeopardy so is our overall fulfillment and happiness. It is clear, just looking at the divorce rate 59% of marriages fail, suicide is on the rise in youth between 11-14 and middle aged men, bullying is ever increasing, we have strife and global conflict, that we as a whole are feeling the pressure and aren’t looking after ourselves, or each other, emotionally, physically or spiritually. 
Getting in touch with the parts of our lives that need changing and nurturing to optimize our health and wellbeing, requires us to be intimately in touch with who we are at a core level and that we have the ability to communicate our needs, concerns, values and dreams to others, so we can change our circumstances increasing our levels of happiness and satisfaction with our lives.
So my point simply is, that being able to positivelyMheyah Bailey
and effectively communicate and connect with others will determine the quality and success of our lives, relationships and overall well being, happiness and fulfillment.
#2. Well this one speaks for itself. If we are human and alive on this planet then we all have to deal with conflict, misunderstandings, losses and regrets at some point in our lives. These experiences can be the catalyst for us to learn, evolve and grow and our relationships, personally or professionally can only be successful, not in the absence of differences or conflict, but in how we manage ourselves and communicate during those times. Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, a leading researcher in Relationship Dynamics says “Your emotional awareness and ability to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in life”
The truth is, it is only feelings and unmet needs that cause conflict, so the better able you are to manage your feelings and engage in positive dialogue the better your life will be.
#3. WELL I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE IT SIMPLE  SO PLEASE KEEP READING MY BLOGS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW TO CREATE MORE HARMONY, SUCCESS, HAPPINESS AND LOVE THROUGH IMPROVING YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS
and if you haven’t signed up yet to get the whole communication series please do below as I am sure you will start to see positive results immediately you start using some new tools.
If you want to connect with me to chat about how I can support you to learn new skills so you have less conflict, feel happier, create awesome relationships, are successful in your professional life.
loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

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ARE YOU COMMITTED TO QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS AND A QUALITY LIFE?


The Quality of our Relationships determines the Quality of our Lives, and I believe that the quality of our relationships is determined by our ability to consciously communicate, connect & collaborate with others. Communication is the foundation for the health of our whole society. If we do not know how to communicate, how are we ever going to connect with anyone on any meaningful level, personally, professionally or globally. 

DO YOU NEED TO IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATION?
This quiz is about “everywhere” in your life:
HOME, WORK, COMMUNITY……..CARS, PLANES, TRAINS, BUSES

  • Do you ever feel misunderstood?

  • Is there conflict in any areas of your life?

  • Are you angry or sad? Do you yell or cry?

  • Do you crave more connection & love?

  • Do you sometimes feel taken advantage of?

  • Are you afraid to say what you really feel as it will cause upset?

  • Are you comfortable asking for what you want?

  • Do you feel loved and appreciated?

  • Are you stressed?

  • Are your relationships harmonious and happy?

  • Do you set boundaries that are respected by others?

  • Do you get what you want in a win-win for everyone? 

If you answered yes to even one of these questions it is more than likely you could improve your communication skills. I can help you with that. It is my purpose and my specialty to help you express yourself in new ways to minimize stress, conflict and misunderstandings and maximize harmony, healthy relationships, happiness and work, life balance.

Communication is the key to connection, love, happiness & professional success.
I have discovered the most important and valuable 5 principles needed to create successful relationships and created a simple 5 step communication system for changing your life one conversation at a time. 

I want to share with you the keys to making relationships so much more effortless, happier and more lovingly connected-All you need to learn is the essential skills and principles to communicate effectively and change your life one conversation at a time.
Change

If you are serious about change and committed to creating the life of your dreams then I promise that coaching with me will give you the results that you most desire.

I only work with clients that exclusively want to create FANTASTIC relationships personally & professionally.
My unique communication training will teach you to think, speak and act in accordance with your deepest values and most authentic empowered self, creating a life that is happy, full of love, understanding, appreciation, success and is purposeful and fulfilling.
Not only that but I will help you eliminate what is holding you back, improve all your relationships, define and execute a success plan and all that in a finite amount of time.

I AM OFFERING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE? BUT DO YOU WANT TO, AND ARE YOU COMMITTED?

You have my guarantee that I am committed and I do want to help you create more love, happiness and success in your life.
There are many ways to connect with me but only one way to coach with me, and that is with commitment, dedication, purpose and passion.

If you aren’t already signed up and want to stay connected and on the path to a great life then please do so below 

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

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HOW CAN COACHING WITH ME BENEFIT YOU……….

I received some feedback from my last newsletter which left me thinking and wondering about how I could best express how I can support you as a coach and counsellor and what kind of difference I could make in your life.

Most of us have “stuff” whether it is personal stuff or professional stuff and it is my purpose and promise to provide you with CLARITY, AHA moments and TRANSFORMATION in whatever areas in your life need attention or change.
What does that mean? It means that as your COACH I will help you gain more CLARITY on what you want more of in your life, help you figure out your authentic values and needs, how to create a life that is purposeful and fulfilling, teach you to communicate with others more effectively so you will enjoy more harmonious relationships with yourself and others. 
AHA moments are my promise to you that you will discover and learn important details about yourself that you didn’t know before that will lead you to better understand yourself and your place in the world. The benefits of AHA moments are new insights which means you can make different choices that will bring you more of what you want & need to live a happier life. 
TRANSFORMATION is my guarantee that with coaching you will change and have the opportunity to create your life with a better understanding of your choices and how they impact your life.

“Everything you see happening is the consequence of that which you are”

 Dr. David Hawkins, American philosopher and historian

This is where I can help you: 
  • define what CHANGES you want to implement 
  • clarify what BLOCKS you need to get past
  • create a MAP to achieve your goal
  • support you in the PROCESS 
What needs a TRANSFORMATION in your life? 
Your personal or professional  LIFE,  your RELATIONSHIPS or you need a lifestyle MAKEOVER? 
What challenges are you facing?
Do you feel what you do is meaningful?
Are your relationships full of love or full of conflict?
Do you feel fulfilled? Are you happy?
What choices do you have?
Do you feel afraid?
Do you feel in sync with who you are at your core?
I can help you discover what you want more of in your life, support you to create a life that will feel more meaningful, full of love, less stressful, healthier, happier and more successful. 
I will help you clarify your goals, define how to get there with a step by step plan and coach and support you to achieve it. I will help you solve challenges, turn conflicts into opportunities and highlight new perspectives and possibilities.
Check out my website to learn more about how coaching and counselling can help you change your life www.connectionpointcentre.com
DON’T MISS OUT ON DISCOVERING WHAT CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE, TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE  
I am looking forward to connecting with you.
Mheyah
Registered Professional Counsellor CPCA (Canadian Professional Counselling Association #2346)
Marriage & Relationship Coach & Counsellor in Vancouver & North Shore
Personal & Professional Development Coach in Vancouver & North Shore
778-881-0410
I coach and counsel in person, phone or skype
My fees are $100 for 60 minutes
$125 for 90 minutes

Packages
Gold Package-10-90 minute sessions-$1199
Silver Package-10-60 minute sessions-$950
Bronze Package-5-90 minute sessions-$599
Titanium Package-5-60 minute sessions-$450
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New Years Changes, Challenges & Choices

What CHANGES and CHOICES are you going to make this year?

It is another New Year and it is customary to make resolutions and commitments.
We ask ourselves what we want to CHANGE this year and how are we going to get there. I start thinking of what I want more of in my life. What do I need to change in myself, my home or in my relationships. What do I want to learn, what do I want to do and what options & choices do I have.
I am feeling inspired and thought you might want to join me in MAKING CHANGES.
Of course the BIG questions are:
WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE?
Is “IT” more love, happiness, joy, purpose, colour, style, peace, organization, furniture, knowledge, money, friends, learning, inspiration?
What is the “IT” you are wanting, dreaming or needing more of……..
and
If you had “IT” How would your life be different? and
What is stopping you from having “IT”
This is where I can help you:
define what CHANGES you want to implement
clarify what BLOCKS you need to get past
create a MAP to achieve your goal
support you in the PROCESS 

What needs a TRANSFORMATION in your life?
Your personal or professional LIFE, your HOME or your RELATIONSHIP?

LIFE, LOVE & LIFESTYLE 
Are you living “on purpose”
Do you feel inspired everyday?
What challenges are you facing?
Do you feel what you do is meaningful?
Are your relationships full of love or full of conflict?
Do you feel fulfilled? Are you happy?
What choices do you have?
Do you feel afraid?
Do you feel in sync with who you are at your core?
I can help you discover what you want more of in your life, support you to create a life that will feel more meaningful, full of love, less stressful, healthier, happier and more successful.

I will help you clarify your goals, define how to get there with a step by step plan and coach and support you to achieve it. I will help you solve challenges, turn conflicts into opportunities and highlight new perspectives and possibilities.

HOME, DECOR & SPECIAL SPACES
Your home is more than just four walls. We all have dreams of what kind of life we will live in our homes, whether we dream of a safe harbour from the rest of the world, a place to live and connect with those we love, raise children and grandchildren, share memories for a lifetime with family and friends, a place to express ones individuality in decor, furniture and art.
It is about fulfilling a dream and I guarantee to help that dream unfold so your home is a complete reflection of who you are, what inspires you, what is relaxing, what ambiance makes you smile. I will support & coach you to fulfill that dream so your home is a place you love to come home to.
I will give you a “to-do” list, access to suppliers, placement advice, colour ideas, renovation consulting and so much more.

As your Lifestyle Coach & Creative Consultant I will create a clear plan of how to style your home so you have the life of your dreams in your special space.
Click here Special Spaces Inside & Out

DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO DISCOVER WHAT CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE, TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE

I am looking forward to connecting with you, Mheyah

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COMMUNICATION 101-THE 3 SIMPLE PRINCIPLES


CONSCIOUSNESS + CURIOUSITY + COMPASSION 

“THE QUALITY OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS DETERMINES THE QUALITY OF OUR LIVES”

People tend to say “communication is key” or “you have to communicate to have a good relationship” but honestly, what is good communication?
How is it going to help you create a more loving, peaceful, passionate relationship with your partner, better relationships with your coworkers, friends and family?

I have discovered 3 SIMPLE PRINCPLES that when used will change all your relationships to CONFLICT FREE RELATIONSHIPS.
It is not about eliminating conflict but learning how to manage your way through conflict effectively and positively minimizing damage to your relationships. The 3 C’s are an equation of Control (Consciousness) + Curiousity (Care) + Compassion (Consideration)

1. CONSCIOUSNESS (CONTROL):
So what does being CONSCIOUS mean? 

CONSCIOUSNESS: (kon-shuhs-nis) NOUN: to understand the deeper meaning of what you think and feel
It is about really noticing and becoming aware of your own feelings, reactions and responses. Relationships are inside work and the people around us are only triggers for us to notice how we are feeling, what has made us feel that way, what values are being prodded, what needs are being compromised, what story are we telling ourselves about an event, comment or conversation.

Our reactions and feelings are entirely made up from what we think and the perspective we have told ourselves about it. I do love to say “don’t believe everything you think” and the reason is that what we think is shaped by our past experiences good and bad. If we don’t have a thought then we won’t have a feeling or reaction, and that feeling is most likely based on thoughts that are probably not unbiased thoughts, but a collection of conclusions we learned since childhood and through past hurts where we have learned to deny our needs, values and primary emotions.
For instance one person can hear a comment or view an event completely differently than you, based on your different experiences with the words, what happened, where they were said, how they were said, the context etc and both of you could easily draw up completely different conclusions, neither right or wrong, just different.
Your job is to notice what story, or tape you have running in the background that filters all the messages you get from others. Once you notice your thoughts and the FEELINGS that come up from the interaction you can get clearer on what those FEELINGS mean to you. I know I am using the “F” word but seriously our FEELINGS are our barometer for what we really need and value and when we are able to tune into them we have done the first part to learning how to communicate better with the purpose of living more authentically & truthfully with ourselves and others. The impact of being able to do this is you will be able to live your life more in line with your real needs and values not from the unconscious drivers from the past.

The intention of the consciousness exercise is to then be able to express how you feel to another person in a calm and clear way, which in turn builds connection, trust and a greater understanding between you BUT  for now I would like to invite you to NOTICE what you FEEL when something or someone is “triggering” you and what thoughts or story came up before you had a reaction. Work backwords. Do your best to just be aware of yourself and we will talk about how to share it with others later on in the series.

To learn more about emotions and feelings here is an excellent article to help you CLICK HERE

2. CURIOUSITY (CARE)
So what does it mean to be CURIOUS?

CURIOUS:[kyoor-ee-uhs] ADJECTIVE: eager to learn, understand or know; to be inquisitive, arousing or exciting speculation, interest, or attention through being different or unknown; an inquiring open mind interested & seeking to know and understand; to wonder.

Be curious with the open heart & mind of a child. Have you ever listened to a child who is curious about something? They are unequalled in their persistence to get the answers so they can understand.

I believe it is invaluable to be deeply interested in what another person is trying to express with no agenda other than to understand, and in turn being deeply curious about yourself, what you are feeling and what you need to express as well.
Being curious shows that you care, that you are interested, that how the other person feels is important to you and that they are important to you. While being curious you need to be able to listen without judgment or interrupting. Listening means to be silent and that your brain is entirely engaged with your partners experience and how they are feeling as they struggle to express what is going on for them, while also being mindful of your own feelings and responses. It is helpful to stop yourself from knowing anything and to not  be in rebuttal mode. It means that you remain an open blank slate without making assumptions that you already know and understand what others are trying to express.

Curiousity means that you are remembering that none of what is being said is personal and it means you are LISTENING INTENTLY to what is being said, what is happening, what has caused the upset, what the other persons values are, what is important to them and how they want or need something to be different so they will be happier and your relationship will be better personally or professionally.
A need could be as simple as desiring more tidiness or as fundamental as wanting to feel more respected, but all worthy of our time, compassion, cooperation and collaboration to resolve.

GREAT LITTLE VIDEO FOR YOU “Remember it is NOT about the NAIL

It is so important to check out what is going on for another person, make sure what you heard is what was intended, and do your best to understand what is important, what they need and are asking for.  Curiousity builds trust if you are truly seeking to understand someone else with a compassionate heart.

POWER OF LOVEIf you can stay curious even in times of relationship stress, you are on the road to positive healthy relationships. Curiousity helps you stay present to what is happening, what is trying to happen and collaboratively decide what needs to happen going forward. Being curious about the people we are in relationships with, how they experience life, understanding and appreciating their perspective is the key to love in personal relationships and collaborative professional relationships creating an unbreakable bond of positive connection and mutual respect.

 Questions can often times sound judgemental or like a criticism so it can be helpful to not use the word “why” but instead to use open questions that start with “what” and “how”:

What happened?
What is that like?
How do you feel?
What is important about that to you?
What do you need?
Can you help me understand?
How can I help?
 

3. COMPASSION (CONSIDERATION)

So what is COMPASSION?
COMPASSION: (kuhm-pash-uhn) NOUN: a feeling of deep empathy, care and understanding for another who is upset, hurting, in pain or stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to care for and alleviate the suffering. It means to have heart.

We all need to learn to have an endless well of compassion if we are to improve our connections with others, which in a lot of cases means we need to suspend judgement, our own self talk and reactivity. Empathy and compassion are the underlying premise of all positive connections and conversations and is the cord between hearts. Compassion is different than sympathy and is simply the ability to remain in an open loving heart and be with someone else’s pain even when it is sometimes directed at you. This can sometimes be difficult to actually achieve, however it is vitally important to any relationship.
For any successful healthy relationship both parties need to feel heard, understood, appreciated and accepted, however resolution when there are differences or conflict is a process that sometimes cannot happen immediately, but happens over some time, hours, days or weeks. We sometimes have to be patient with the process. When someone is experiencing upset they may not have the capacity for compassion in that moment and that is why it is so important for any of us to have an endless well of compassion for the person who is experiencing some strong feelings, whatever the cause, even if you are the cause. In our family we call our upsets “big feelings” and we all know when there are some “big feelings” happening that it is our time to bring on the compassion, attentive listening and care for the person having the ‘big feelings”
To have compassion and remain compassionate can be difficult sometimes if those “big feelings” are directed at you, however this is where it is vital not to take anything personally, stay calm and remember that any upset is more about the other person than it is about you. I am also not advocating that you stay in any abusive situation but I am saying that compassion is the antidote to upset, pain, hurt and conflict.
"love and heart connection"

 

It is a natural human response to feel defensive or on guard when someone’s pain, hurt, upset or a complaint is directed at us, however this is where the rubber meets the road so to speak in any conflictual interaction, and where we all must learn NOT to take someone else’s pain on, don’t take anything personally no matter what, and to remain in our compassionate heart, because that compassion is the glue in the relationship, whether it is a personal or professional relationship.
I often used to say to my husband when I was upset that the only action required was for him to have compassion for me in those difficult moments. Nothing else, just compassion. Trust is built on compassion because it makes others feel important and valuable and that you care about their well being.
Another point that is important to remember about being compassionate is it allows the other person to take responsibility for their own feelings and work through to the deeper issues. It allows all of us the opportunity to let others be responsible for themselves, not try to fix them or the situation, or be codependent ourselves. The beauty in this is it allows for you to be an integral part of someone else’s personal growth. What you are creating in that moment is a strong connection, an intimate bond in our common humanity to heal and grown in our aspiration for acceptance and love.
You will also need to learn to reflect back what is being expressed and how it makes sense to you knowing the other person (more on that in later issues) Compassionate Reflection is the action required after someone has shared with you, so the other person knows you have heard and understood what they have communicated. It is a simple summary of what you believe you heard the other person saying which gives them the opportunity to agree or adjust the message or to continue in more depth.
I believe that the pursuit of love, appreciation and acknowledgement is probably one of our most fundamental human needs and motivators. I can’t say enough about COMPASSION as it is my belief that it is the foundation for all positive human interactions and what really connects us all heart to heart.
So I would like to invite you this week to notice opportunities to engage in some Compassionate Listening & Reflecting and to remember to give yourself some compassion, love and caring too. Let me know how you did. I would love to hear your experience.
Listen HERE to The Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday short sharing on Compassionate Listening

So now you have the 3 SIMPLE PRINCIPLES THAT IF YOU IMPLEMENT THEM WILL POSITIVELY CHANGE ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS PERSONALLY & PROFESSIONALLY

SIGN UP BELOW TO KEEP LEARNING AND GET VALUABLE INSIGHTS-SEE THE NEXT 2 PRINCIPLES
“THE WHOLENESS OF OURSELVES DOES NOT DEPEND ON OUR PERSONALITIES BUT DEPENDS ENTIRELY ON THE AWARENESS OF OUR INNER FEELINGS”

Recommended reading is:
My Communication Series on my blog
The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendrix
The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

Love Mheyah ♥
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