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Want Trust & Intimacy-Read this by Mastin Kipp

Another slam dunk article by my favourite author by far Mastin Kipp.  Great stuff at www.thedailylove.com Check all their great resources.
Read on:
The fundamental power of being human is the power of choice. We are choosing, either consciously or unconsciously, in every moment. We are choosing what relationships we have in our lives, where we go, what we do and how we interpret events.

I have noticed a pattern within a lot of the people who are sending in emails. This is a very interesting pattern because it can be helpful and hurtful depending on when and how we CHOOSE to engage in this pattern.

The pattern is this: most of the TDL readers are Western readers, or highly influenced by the West and the West’s drive, ambition and spirit of expansion and capitalism. Let’s call this type of person “an achiever”. They like to get things done. They like to have awesome stuff. They like to knock everything off their to do list. They like to be in charge and in control.

This habit is great for building business and all kinds of other things. Getting things done and getting them done now is awesome – at the proper time. The problem I’m seeing is that many of us tend to take this same exact mentality into our relationships.

This is a big no no. We can’t “manage” our partners, we can’t “have a relationship unfold in a time frame”, there is no “deadline”, “profit margin” or “manageable to do list” when it comes to our relationships.

When we CHOOSE to treat other people like a project that we want to control, they don’t like that. They don’t feel loved, accepted and free to be themselves. And since every thriving relationship is based on TRUST, this type of action takes us away from trust.

The greatest CHOICE we can make in relationships is to take our hands off the wheel. This is not to say that we should have low standards, not pick loving and awesome people to be in relationship with or tolerate abuse. No, this statement is made with the assumption that we have already chosen a healthy person to be in relationship with.

Once we take our hands off the wheel, we let go of expectation, the desire to control and manipulate, we can allow ourselves to feel our feelings of fear and express them. This will create intimacy with the right person. If someone can’t handle your truth, they may not be the person for you.

The goal and idea is to CHOOSE to be present and take our relationships one day at a time. In fact, many times we want to engage our relationships in the opposite manner in which we engage projects and our work.

It’s scary because we like to achieve and we like to know with certainty what the outcome will be. But that is not how relationships work. They are a leap of faith. And we leap knowing that we will either be with the raddest person for the rest of our lives, or we will learn a beautiful and awesome lesson.

So the greatest form of control is to CHOOSE to give up control – to let go of the outcome and to just show up, one day at a time, fully present and in integrity and authenticity.

What would that look like for you? What would you do differently? What would you choose to let go of? What would you choose to step into?

Thank you for reading this great article by Mastin.
If you want to let me know what you need to do to get the love you want email me at mheyah@gmail.com
I look forward to hearing from you
love Mheyah

 

 

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You Complete You (Thank You Very Much)

This is an awesome article.  Have a great day completing yourself. Love Mheyah
www.mheyahbailey.com

You Complete You by Mastin Kipp of  The Daily Love

Love is complete. Your soulmate doesn’t “complete you” – your soulmate is a reflection of you. Be whole, not a half.
So many people run around looking for someone “to complete them”. But the thing is, everyone is a fallible human being, so no one can complete you and ever live up to your expectations.

That is why it is so important to keep our eyes on The Uni-verse and Its Love for us. The Love of The Uni-verse never changes. Other people change, other people mess up, but The Uni-verse is constantly on our side, Loving us and showing us how we can grow even closer to happiness and Love.

Our aim should be to not seek and chase for Love, but to BE IT. This means self-love first. True Love isn’t setting HUGE expectations on someone else that they always make you happy and fulfilled.

True Love is being so full of self-love and the Love of The Uni-verse that you have more than enough Love to hold your own darkness and light and the darkness and light of the other people. True Love is radical acceptance of yourself and the person you are in a relationship with.

Looking for someone to complete you is to deny your innate potential to be an already full and integrated being. You are giving someone else a power that only you have.

The Jerry McGuire type of Love can happen, but it’s a setup for all kinds of dysfunction. We have no idea how they did after the movie ended.
Also, making someone else the source of your fulfillment means that if they are not having a good day, acting in integrity or desiring to grow, then you are stuck. It’s a giant anchor holding you down.

In relationship, we either grow together or we grow apart. The Uni-verse is constantly guiding us to greater and greater awareness or ourselves and as a result our Highest Potential. Relationships are containers for growth, not containers for proving how much pain you can endure for someone else.

When we make someone else the only thing that completes us, we can easily blame them, but the blame belongs on us for giving them that power in the first place.

Let’s take our power back and take our eyes off of ourselves and our partners and remember the Source from which we came and which we are all apart of right now. We are a drop of water coming home to the beautiful ocean from which we came. In doing do, we can merge into a wave and do far more connected to this Source than we ever could do alone or with another person.

http://thedailylove.com/you-complete-you-thank-you-very-much/

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Is Your Partner Confused about the Meaning of LOVE?

Has your mate ever said the words “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you”? If your answer is yes, then you’re not alone. It happens every day, in every community.
Read here to learn what Mort Fertel says about the real meaning of LOVE

“I Love You But I’m Not ‘In Love’ With You”
Did your spouse tell you, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you?”

What does that statement really mean? A person who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” is making a distinction between 2 different feelings,  but NEITHER of those feelings are love!

When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you. CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different then love. I care about the starving children in Africa, but I don’t love them.
Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing. But it’s different than love. I might be excited to have a relationship with the President of the United States or a Hollywood star, but that doesn’t mean I love them. While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” seems to be making a distinction between “different loves,” in fact, they are expressing their confusion about what love really is.

And that’s why they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because who are they IN LOVE with?).
Love is something we articulate in the vocabulary of ACTION. Love is a verb. It’s not a feeling you get from another PERSON; it’s an experience you receive as a result of DEEDS YOU DO for another person.
And those deeds are not a secret. In other words, love is NOT a mystery! There are specific things you can do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.

It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable-you can “make” love.
Very often in my private coaching sessions, someone will say to me, “I love my spouse, but I’m not IN LOVE with my spouse.”
My immediate response is to ask, “Can you list for me 5 ways in the last week that you’ve DEMONSTRATED your love for your spouse?”
Learning to be the ‘RIGHT” partner is more important than finding the “RIGHT” partner.
“I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” is a cop out. It basically means that a person is saying “I have no clue how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m exiting to get high from another short-term romance”
But whoever they’re IN LOVE with now will also eventually hear, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.” Of course, this is all fine and good, but it’s really your spouse who needs to hear this, right? Getting your spouse from “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” to “Okay, let’s give this another chance” can be a tricky task when they don’t understand the meaning of what love really is.

Seeking a professional could be the difference between divorce and your marriage  thriving.
This is a great article on what love really is and what it really isn’t
Hope you have a great day and go in love. Mheyah

Mheyah Bailey RPC
Connection Point Counselling.com
Love Actually Communications.com

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Relationships are Containers for Growth

Relationships are Containers for our Own Personal Growth by Mastin Kipp

The most difficult relationships in our lives come bearing wonderful fruit. Relationships are containers for our growth. Some people come into our lives only for a moment, some for a longer period of time and some for our entire life.

Whatever the duration, it matters not, each person is sent by The Uni-verse for our education and edification.

It is easy and normal to enjoy the great relationships in our lives. Our best friends, our lover, our family (well for some of us) provide wonderful experiences for us. It is easy to be grateful and see how mostly positive relationships benefit us.

But our focus today isn’t on those relationships. Our focus today is on the negative and “toxic” relationships that we have. There is soooo much for us to learn in these circumstances. When we do not experience love, it is because we are not bringing love the situation.

Wait, what? You might be thinking that you bring all kinds of love to certain people and all they do is treat you poorly.

Three things are inaccurate about this statement:

1. You are not bringing love to yourself if you are tolerating unhealthy relationships in your life.

2. Your judgment of other people prevents you from loving them.

3. When you show up to only take from someone, rather than give, you are not truly loving him/her or yourself.

Knowing these three inaccuracies in our perception can greatly assist us in making better and healthier choices. Let us intentionally decide today to correct our perception of these inaccuracies.

Let us love ourselves enough to choose to be in only healthy relationships. Let us drop our judgments of others and thank difficult people for showing us how to love them more and judge less. Let us decide to show up in our relationships from a place of fullness rather than from emptiness – so that we may give, instead of just take.

So, what are the difficult people in your life teaching you today? And as a result, how can you grow from what you are being taught?

http://thedailylove.com/relationships-are-containers-for-growth/

Enjoy your day
Love Mheyah
ConnectionPointCounselling.com
LoveActuallyCommunications.com

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How to find true personal power in relationships……..by Mastin Kipp

I really love this mans blog. He has many wonderful insights to share that you can find at The Daily Love blog.

HOW TO GET YOUR POWER BACK IN RELATIONSHIPS by Mastin Kipp

Many times in relationships we love to blame the other person.

We like to blame them for not loving us the way we want to be loved, or for not making us enough of a priority, or for being too stubborn and on and on.

Then we start giving names to the way we interpret others actions. So instead of saying: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you let me figure it out on my own,” or “The way I really feel loved is when you (fill in the blank)”. When we are lacking, we say: “You’re a jerk”, or assume that they don’t love us.

So instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.

Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and EXPRESS our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct and with this new information.

And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren’t being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave. That’s the Master’s path – vulnerability and courage.

It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy. And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.

It’s the mark of a Master to no longer blame the other person, but instead to see the other person as a mirror of his or her own life. It’s the mark of a Master to share his or her feelings, rather than blaming someone else for not meeting the needs that were never expressed in the first place. It’s the mark of a Master who is strong enough to walk away from a broken and unfulfilled kind of love if his or her needs and emotions aren’t being seen. It’s the mark of a Master to be able to also meet the needs of their partner.

When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action.

So, you say you want love, yes? Then whatcha gonna do today? Blame them? Or express yourself and set loving boundaries?

Do you want to keep going round in the dramatic circle of blame or do you want to step into the loving flow of vulnerable expression?

The choice is yours. What’ll it be?

Mheyah Bailey
Connection Point Counselling

 

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TRUST……by Mastin Kipp of the Daily Love

I loved reading this message by Mastin Kipp this morning as it reminded me of the importance of trust.

There are SUPER frustrating times on The Path. Instead of fighting against frustrating times with more frustration, anger and resentment, take a higher road today.
Remember, a delay is not a denial. The Uni-verse’s timing is always perfect and if something isn’t quite manifesting yet, there is a reason. So, today, instead of choosing to be angry, hurt or just plain ole pissed off, take a BIIIIG DEEP BREATH and know that everything is happening in perfect time. It might piss you off to know that it’s not happening in YOUR time, but it is happening in the perfect time.
Do what you can do that’s within your power today and let go of the rest. There’s no use letting the things you can’t control dictate your level of happiness.
So, instead of choosing frustration because you think you won’t be provided for or taken care of, choose to see the circumstance through the eyes of faith, and then relax, let it go and enjoy the rest of your day doing what you can.
We are not all powerful beings, though sometimes our ego would like us to think we are. There is also a tremendous gift in not always getting what you want. There are gentle and compassionate Hands that are guiding your life.
So instead of fighting against what you cannot control today, let go and choose to see the delay as a miracle in disguise sent by One who loves you, who has your best interest in mind and Who is setting up an even greater outcome than you can now imagine.

“Remember you are what you think and your life reflects what you believe”

Happy Sunday and go in Trust
Mheyah
www.connectionpointcounnselling.com

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Want Love, then BE Love

Want Love? Then Be Love-Able
by  Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love
Love is more than a feeling. Love is a state of being, a choice, a verb and, when chosen, a very powerful force in the Uni-verse.

When you choose to love someone, you love them even when you don’t necessarily like them from time to time. Love transcends moods, circumstances or money. The choice you make to love someone unconditionally is one of the highest choices you can ever make.

If you make your intention to enter into relationships with the mindset “How may I serve” and “How can I grow”, instead of “what can I get”, that intention will reveal to you so many wonderful things.

The promise of loving someone isn’t that they will stay with you for the rest of your life; the promise of loving someone is that you will learn so much about yourself. Many times we have to go through a lot of different relationships to understand what we really want and who we really are. It is through the pain of relationships ending that we truly learn about ourselves and why we make the choices we do.

It is only by wholeheartedly loving the people we choose to be in relationship with that we can see how deep and real the relationship is. If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t enjoy you being in your power, then the lesson isn’t that they are a jerk; ask yourself why you chose to be with someone like that.

It is only by loving deeply that we can live meaningfully and learn about ourselves. Don’t live to avoid the pain of heartbreak. Instead live with your heart wide open and let yourself learn the lessons love is trying to teach you. If you don’t learn the lesson, you’ll just keep attracting the same person in different shoes.

But if you learn the lessons, do the work, and keep your heart open – each relationship will get better and better until you finally find someone that you really gel with – you will find your life partner.

So, today, live openly. Learn the lessons from relationships of the past. Keep your heart open and know that each time it breaks, it’s not getting weaker, it’s actually getting stronger and wiser.

Finally, don’t seek out the perfect lover. Don’t chase love. There is nothing and no one to chase. Spend your time being a person who is worthy of being loved and love will be yours in the perfect time.

Learn the lessons. Stop the chase. Open up. Get busy being love-able and all love-able things will flow to you. This is the promise of love.

Mheyah Bailey
Connection Point Counselling.com

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Perspectives

Great article by Mastin Kipp, creator of The Daily Love

Turn Your Mess Into A Message
The most important part of life, and the only part of life that we can truly control is our perception. We may have influence over other parts of our life, but the only thing we have 100% control over is how we CHOOSE to perceive the events of our lives.

One of the FUNdamental messages of TDL is that you are not a victim, but a co-Creator of your life with The Uni-verse.

It’s easy to play the victim and a lot of people out there will try to convince you that it’s easier to blame other people for the circumstances of your life. One of the reasons it’s easy to be a victim is because you give away the response-ability of the outcome and circumstances of your life to some other person or entity.

As a victim, we tell ourselves that it’s not our fault; it’s the Government’s fault, or our significant other’s fault, or our friend’s fault or our parents’ fault. If you really get creative you can imagine a whole range of people to blame for your life.

But the truth is that you are the one making the choices in your life. YOU have the free will and ability to CHOOSE to connect to Love, or not.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably made a mistake or two in your life (or dozens… lol). For a long time it was easy to blame people for the outcome. When things didn’t go the way I WANTED them too I would just make it someone else’s fault.

But, I started to learn differently. Thanks to teachers like Caroline Myss, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, M.Scott Peck, Jan Shepherd, Sophie Chiche and most recently Jesus, I began to learn how to take my power back. I began to see that the way we thrive is by making out INNER WORLD stronger than the outer world.

Tony Robbins will tell you that the story you tell yourself about your life will dictate the outcome of it. Caroline Myss reminds us that CHOICE is the most important power in The Uni-verse. Dr. Dyer teaches that it is the power of your INTENTION that forms the outcome of your life. Mr. Peck will tell you that life is hard and that when you realize and accept that, that life is no longer hard. Jan would tell you to put the loving first and to keep your dreams and visions grounded and in real time. And Sophie would remind us to love ourselves big time and to keep our thoughts in alignment with what we want, rather than what we don’t want. And of course, the big JC teaches unconditional Love and says we can experience this Love when we have right thought, take right action and keep our focus off of ourselves and keep it instead on Love.

How could you possibly let yourself be a victim knowing all these things?

If you really get that these lessons are REAL and TRUE and WORK, then, if you’re like me, you will feel called to turn your mess into a message.

Add value to other people’s lives and value will be added to your own. Being of service and taking the wounds of your life and turning them into lessons and sharing your experience with others will do more good to you and the planet than almost anything else.

To be human is to be messy, to screw up and to not get it right – that just comes with the territory. But it’s not right thought or action to assume the role of the victim. It may seem safer and it may even seem true. But what’s true is that you can take the wounds, messes and tragedies if your life and use them for good.

You can take your power back from people, groups and anything else that says you are powerless. You are POWERFUL, but you have to choose to be in your power and to step up.

Keep your thoughts on Love. Take and assume respons-ability for your life. Things may have happened in your past that you have no control over. But what you DO have control over is how you respond to those events. Do you want to let those events get the best of you, or do you want to rise to the occasion, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and say, “I got this?”

You may not have been able to control what happened in the past, but you have 100% control over what you CHOOSE to believe and as a result where you go from here.

Mheyah
Connection Point Counselling.com

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Speaking From the Heart

What’s Your Heart Say? taken from a newsletter by Rick Hanson

The Practice Speak from the heart.
Why?
One Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water – so soft and gentle – gradually carving through the hardest stone to reveal great beauty. Sometimes what seems weakest is actually most powerful.

In the same way, speaking from an open heart can seem so vulnerable yet be the strongest move of all. Naming the truth – in particular the facts of one’s experience, which no one can disprove – with simplicity and sincerity, and without contentiousness or blame, has great moral force. You can see the effects writ small and large, from a child telling her parents “I feel bad when you fight” to the profound impact of people describing the atrocities they suffered in Kosovo or Rwanda.

I met recently with a man whose marriage is being smothered by the weight of everything unsaid. What’s unnamed is all normal-range stuff – like wishing his wife were less irritable with their children, and more affectionate with him – but there’s been a kind of fear about facing it, as if it could blow up the relationship. But nottalking is what’s actually blowing up their relationship – and in fact, when people do communicate in a heartfelt way, it’s dignified and compelling, and it usually evokes support and open-heartedness from others.
How?
This week, look for one or more opportunities to speak from your heart. Pick a topic, a person, and a moment that’s likely to go well.

Before you talk:
Ground yourself in good intentions. To discover and express the truth, whatever it is. To help yourself and the other person.

Get a basic sense of what you want to say. Focus on your experience: thoughts, feelings, body sensations, wants, memories, images, the dynamic flow through awareness; it’s hard to argue with your experience, but easy to get into wrangles about situations, events, the past, or problem-solving.

Be confident. Have faith in your sincerity, and in the truth itself. Recognize that others may not like what you have to say, but you have a right to say it without needing to justify it; and that saying it is probably good for your relationship.

When you speak:
Take a breath and settle into your body.

Recall being with people who care about you. (This will help deepen your sense of inner strength, and warm up the neural circuits of wholeheartedness.)

Soften your throat, eyes, chest, and heart. Try to find a sense of goodwill, even compassion for the other person.

Bring to mind what you want to say.

Take another breath, and start speaking.

Try to stay in touch with your experience as you express it. Don’t get into any sense of persuasion, justification, defensiveness, or problem-solving. (That’s for later, if at all.) Be direct and to the point; when people truly speak from the heart, they often say what needs to be said in a few minutes or less; it’s the “case” wrapped around the heart of the matter that takes all those extra words.

Keep coming back to the essential point for you, whatever it is (especially if the other person gets reactive or tries to shift the topic). And feel free to disengage if the other person is just not ready to hear you; maybe another time would be better. “Success” here is not getting the other person to change, but you expressing yourself.

As appropriate, open to and encourage the other person speaking from the heart, too.

And afterwards: know that whatever happened, you did a good thing. It’s brave and it’s hard (especially at first) to speak from the heart. But so necessary to make this world a better place.

Mheyah Bailey
Connection Point Counselling.com

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To the Point by the Dalai Lama

When we face problems or disagreements today, we have to arrive at solutions through dialogue. Dialogue is the only appropriate method. One-sided victory is no longer acceptable. We must work to resolve conflicts in a spirit of reconciliation, always keeping others’ interests in mind.