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Successful Communication Made Simple

Successful Communication Made SimpleSuccessful Communication Made Simple

This is the best course to get you on the right path for more LOVE, SUCCESS & HAPPINESS in all areas of your life.

85% of your happiness and success in life can be determined by your communication skills.

This 7 module course highlights the 5 important principles needed to create successful relationships personally and professionally. It is a simple, easy to use, but rich in-depth course that teaches the important qualities you need to create more connection with those you love, help you manage conflict and differences and integrates them with the 5 simple Step by Step System for win-win conversations so you can get on the path to more Love, Happiness and Success.

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With This Course You Will Gain:

♥ More loving & harmonious relationships

♥ Become more successful professionally

♥ You will feel happier & more content

♥ Have more confidence in your abilities

♥ Enjoy more understanding, love & appreciation

♥ Create a respectful passionate connection & deep friendship with your partner

"Mheyah is an absolute rockstar! I don't have words to express how pleased I am with how the evening unfolded.  You are completely in your sacred gifts, doing this work and it was so much fun. Thank you from my heart for stepping in and making such a powerful difference.  You're amazing!"
-Christine Awram of WOW-Women of Worth, Winner of the 2012 Outstanding
Leadership Award and nominated for the Governor General’s Award

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Let’s talk about SEX


How many times a week do you think couples should be having sex?

Well the real answer is, as many times as suits the couple. Everyone is different and as long as both partners are happy with the frequency then all is good.

Here is the thing. Sex is the highest form of communication and all that ‘conversation stuff’ is all foreplay. So let’s talk about how communication, conversations and connection ties in with having great sex.

The truth is, sex is all about communication and is our most intimate form of communicating with our partners.
"love and heart"How we connect with others comes naturally to some and not so naturally to others but is essential for building awesome relationships. We communicate and transmit information all day long; I am available or not, I am open or not, I am relaxed or not, I like you or not, I love you or not. I want to have sex or not. The absence of good communication between couples can cause many problems, pain, misunderstandings, conflict, disconnection, lack of harmony and love, and yes when this happens can mean less sex too. This is how we end up in the proverbial catch-22 of disconnection. We feel upset with our partners or they are upset with us and we disconnect emotionally and then disengage physically and we end up in the relationship spiral of doom. We need physical intimacy to feel happy and connected emotionally and we need emotional connection to have great physical intimacy.

A lot of couples don’t want to have sexual contact when they are upset and feel emotional disconnected so they go round and round getting more emotionally and physically distant and the great relationship divide has happened. It can be so discouraging and disheartening.
4855659-3d-rendering-of-a-heart-with-barbed-wire-around-itI would like to suggest that our relationships don’t need to go through this painful process. We communicate with our actions, what we say or don’t say, and we can certainly learn to communicate more effectively to increase positive connection with our partners. Love after all is an action word.

To have more love, quality connection, passion and intimacy in your life you must be more loving and this is where being able to communicate in more loving ways will elevate your relationship to levels of AWESOME-ness.
No relationship can be truly happy, fulfilling & successful without knowing how to express yourself to the important people in your life. We all want to feel valued, loved, respected, to feel special and important and I can guarantee you learning new ways to communicate will bring you more of what you want.

Relationships need safety and healthy attachment to thrive. The one question we all need to know from our partners is, “are you there for me” and when we trust that someone is there for us it builds an awesome level of intimacy and connection and yes this is the space for great sex.

If you relationship is not thriving in the way you would like and you don’t understand why not, ask yourself what you could do to improve connection with your love.
"love held in our hands"

Here is a list of ideas to get you started with reconnecting. Think of the whole day as foreplay. Love is in the Details.
I am sure you can come up with a few of your own as well.

  1. positively engage, listen, be curious
  2. be calm and non-reactive, explain what you need and want clearly
  3. be appreciative and grateful for what your partner brings to the relationship, thank them for the things they do 
  4. share common interests, time together
  5. laugh with each other
  6. be openly affectionate, look at her/him directly
  7. be transparent and trustworthy
  8. do not criticize, blame or judge
  9. put your phone away
  10. check in for 20 minutes everyday
  11. smile at each other
  12. text little things during the day ????
  13. gifts for no special reason are nice????
  14. look after yourself which means you take care of yourself, body, mind and soul
  15. grow, learn, create, be inspired
  16. be happy
  17. kiss????
  18. celebrate
  19. offer to help, support, be of value
  20. be loving, caring, kind, compassionate

As Rumi says; Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Need relationship help-you can book me directly

loveLove Mheyah 
Please connect with me at
www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
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Find out more about Mheyah

 

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The Power of APPRECIATION

Relationship Revolution- The Power of Appreciation by Mheyah Bailey

I have recently been re-inspired by witnessing the power of APPRECIATION
and reminded in a big way by an amazing couple I have met, the value and importance of APPRECIATION and how much LOVE really is an action word.

I have been living in the UK for the last 2 years and I have noticed the subtleties in the differences between Canadian and English communication styles, which has nothing to do with the differences in our accents, but more to do with the differences in our culture. It is so interesting that we can be so different considering we speak the same language.  I have found myself being acutely aware of what I say and how I say it and listening to people here with a new level of awareness. I will however leave this rather large topic for another newsletter, but instead focus today on a universal human commonality that is just as important here in the UK or Canada or Anywhere.
I was beautifully reminded by this young couple of how very, very, VERY important APPRECIATION is to the well being of ourselves individually, and how much expressing APPRECIATION positively impacts the happiness, fulfillment and security of relationships.
Everyday I am privileged to witness love and honoured to support people in their fears around the perceived loss of love, and all the complications that being in relationship brings to us. I teach couples how to get to the heart of the matter so they can create more connection, work collaboratively and remember why they chose each other in the first place. I welcome the challenges so people can learn more about themselves, each other, what they need and value and how to improve their communication so they can learn to celebrate differences, help them learn not to take things personally and make their relationships more positive, connected and full of love.

I will showAt the heart of this is that we all need to feel APPRECIATED, HEARD, ACKNOWLEDGED , RECOGNIZED and WITNESSED for all that makes us SPECIAL & UNIQUE, for the things we do everyday and the contributions we make in large and small ways personally, professionally or globally. It doesn’t matter how you contribute or what you do or what motivates you, whether it is cooking a meal so your family can eat, getting up that one extra time at night with the baby so your partner can have some valuable sleep, going out everyday to work to support the family, speaking at the UN on some new important policy that will impact the safety of the world, running the government, building houses, setting broken bones, creating art, designing technology……………………….. We are all motivated to do the things we do, by many diverse personal needs and values whether it is love, commitment, responsibility, money, creativity or intellect and so many other motivators, some positive and some not so much.
I imagine that you understand to some degree that we all get a sense of personal fulfillment in one way or another from making those choices to do what we do, as we all have hopes, values, needs and dreams and our actions are in service of fulfilling those, however, what I witnessed the other day was how important it is to be APPRECIATED by those around us and especially from those we love and care about.

“Nothing is done in this world without hope” MLK jr

In my experience in life, personally and professionally, it seems to be such an important ingredient to feel APPRECIATED and to have HOPE of that eventuality, which to most of us equates to feeling LOVED.
I witnessed a couple I am privileged to be coaching, such a compelling understanding of the importance of feeling APPRECIATED, that I am convinced that one of the main reasons relationships break down is because of this lack of feeling APPRECIATED, whether it is a couple, family, friend or professional relationship.
Our level of satisfaction and fulfillment will undoubtedly suffer because of a lack of appreciation. The majority of people who look outside their relationships, look for new jobs or a change in circumstances, generally are looking for appreciation, understanding and a connection for which they feel is lacking in their current relationships or situations.
love-and-appreciation
Dr. John Gottman from his Love Lab research, says that our interactions with others needs to be a ratio of 6 positive engagements to one negative, and if the balance is off there will be a definite decline in the quality and satisfaction in the relationship.

It really doesn’t take a lot to show APPRECIATION which is a close cousin to good old fashioned manners. Psychology teaches us that people are motivated to contribute to the greater good and feeling appreciated and valued for what we contribute is the currency for feeling fulfillment and happiness. It doesn’t mean that we need to have appreciation to contribute, it just means that it can be more fulfilling and meaningful and ensure our continued interest in contributing if we do. OK I admit it, I am not Mother Theresa and I really value knowing I made a difference in someone’s life. I am far more motivated by APPRECIATION than money 🙂
So judge me if you will but I think APPRECIATION is a very important human need and I think we can all forget to show our appreciation for others and fall into the trap of taking our relationships for granted. So if LOVE is an ACTION word, APPRECIATION is the currency for fulfillment, and we need to keep the balance of a 6 to 1 ratio of positive to negative, then how are you going to show your appreciation to others today.

appreciation-dayHere are some suggestions.
1. Notice and acknowledge a job completed
2. Say thank you to someone for the difference they make in your life, even the little things, because the little things are really important. (I think I may not have thanked my husband for bringing me tea in bed every morning)
3. Doing the APPRECIATION exercise. Three things I really appreciate about you today is……….and this works great with your children (or employees) and helps build their confidence, self esteem and their trust in their value to their community or family in the case of ones children
4. Do something for someone without expectation of anything in return
5. Give positive feedback ie: Wow the dinner is amazing. Thank you for making it for us or thank you for ensuring those emails got out or….
6. Send a card to thank someone for something you really value they do or did for you
7. Hug people you care about, hug people just because…..
8. Say I love you and WHY you love them, not just the 3 words but add what it is about them that you value, admire and respect.
9. Call, text or email just because you want to positively connect
10. Notice all the jobs that get done and mention that you noticed
11. Leave a note of appreciation for someone to find. It’s called A NICE NOTE!
12. Use reflective listening so others know you really heard them

Try this process for acknowledgement. When you do……….I really feel………because it meets my needs and values for……..In your own words of course 🙂

I hope you have enjoyed this newsletter and would love to hear back how showing APPRECIATION impacted your day?

I deeply appreciate your time and letting me share some thoughts with you and thank you to the couple that inspired this article. You know who you are.
love Mheyah 

Please connect with me at
 www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
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Please sign up below for important and valuable information to help you succeed in your relationships

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Do you know how TRUTH builds TRUST?

A Real Conversation in Successful Communication Made Simple by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

This is not a blog about my Dad and I, but is about the value for all relationships if we know and understand ourselves enough to express what we need and want, and to trust ourselves to express it in ways that will create positive connection instead of disharmony.
It is also about being honest over believing you need to be responsible for protecting others from the truth. I have always maintained that even a challenging truth is better than any other kind of conversation.

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My wonderful Dad & I

What has compelled me to write this was a most interesting conversation I had with my Dad the other day. During the conversation it became glaringly obvious that I wasn’t trusting him.
Wow was I shocked when it hit me right in the middle of the conversation that I didn’t trust him. I mean gobsmacked, couldn’t speak, heart in mouth, as this awareness went profoundly against my belief about our relationship. I thought I could trust my Dad implicitly and of course I can in so many ways. I do trust my Dad to be there for me always, I trust him to protect me in the usual ways a Dad looks after his girl, I trust him to listen to me, to have compassion for me, he is really great when I cry because all he says is “there there and I love you” or “wish I was there to give you a hug” and he is still reliable to support me whenever I need help. Let me be really clear that my father is the kindest, most loving, caring, special man and I am honoured and proud to be his daughter.
I love him with all my heart.
Having said that I also don’t trust him. I don’t trust him when it comes to telling me the truth. Let me explain before you are shocked. He doesn’t overtly lie, no no no, he would never ever lie, he is a man of honour but he doesn’t tell me the truth in a few ways; by omission, by deflection or by being nice.

He is so nice and accommodating that I can’t trust him to tell me the truth about what he really wants and needs. He won’t tell me the truth because he loves me, is afraid and doesn’t trust me.
From long experience I know that he will not be honest if he thinks telling me the truth will hurt my feelings, he will not tell me something if it may upset me or if he is worried I may disapprove or disagree or any myriad of things that he perceives might compromise the balance of our relationship. He will always acquiesce to what I want instead of telling me what he wants. He doesn’t TRUST me to hear his TRUTH.
One standard conversation we always have is around getting together and when I ask him what he would like to do or where he would like to go, his standard response is “whatever you would like sweetheart”
This is my Dad’s standard response to most things and with most people. Like I said he is the nicest man you could meet, except if I ask him if he will look after the cat. He is clear about that. NO cat……. 🙂 I could tell he was being truthful then.

My Ziggy
My Ziggy

My Dad always tries to avoid any potential conflict or upset so his strategy for that is to be nice, accommodating, compromising, easy going and that is not always what he wants or needs, but will do it anyway.
Do you know anyone like that?
So the other day when we were talking, I was trying to understand what he really wanted about a very important issue and all of a sudden I could feel how I was not trusting what he was saying to me, I mean I could really feel it in the centre of my being that I did not trust him to tell me the truth. I realized in that moment how “being nice” is not always honest and that in itself can be compromising to any relationship. My Dad’s lifelong fear of any negative responses from anyone led us down this path that was a less than authentic or honest dialogue with distrust on both sides. To be fair most of us have a little bit of this fear leftover from our childhoods and is an operating strategy many use in relationships.
On my Dad’s side he was being overly responsible for my feelings and not trusting I could cope with the truth and there was me, intuitively knowing he wasn’t telling me the truth and not trusting what he was saying. I have to admit to feeling really sad, but only for a minute, when I realized how liberating this new awareness was for both my Dad and myself.
trustThis may sound simple to you, however for me, it was very profound as it explained my lifelong distrust that people do not tell the truth, that we hide behind being nice, politeness, compromising, pretending to be easy going when we aren’t, keeping the peace at all costs, going along because we are afraid of rejection, upset or judgement, hence my path to coaching and counselling. I have always felt the need to understand and to learn the deeper truth of peoples feelings and experiences and through my own life mistakes and disasters the importance of effective, authentic communication and how expressing ourselves in positive ways will create healthier and more successful relationships personally, professionally and globally.

Not only that but it explains my rather tenacious need to be curious and dig deep to find what the truth is, because for me knowing the truth means I can relax and trust someone, it means I won’t go into feeling responsible for others feelings, it means I can feel safe with that person.  Don’t ever say anything slightly ambiguous, sarcastic, incongruent or passive aggressive because I am like a Jack Russell with a bone to get to the deeper meaning of those words.
For me when anyone whether family, friends or colleagues gift me with the simple truth it means I can just relax and be with them, I can be compassionate and not worry because the truth is just simple and they are being responsible for themselves. The truth might be challenging and we might need to sort it out but at least we know what we are dealing with.
Most people don’t set out to be dishonest, usually there is fear at the root and their intention is to either protect themselves or others, but it is a destructive and unfortunate strategy for relationships because it doesn’t get you what you really want and for most of us what we really want is love, to feel understood and appreciated. What we need to find is a positive path to authentic and intimate connection with others through knowing ourselves intimately and having the ability to communicate what we need and want effectively.

One thing for sure going forward, no more Miss Nice Girl for me 🙂
I will be asking for what I need and want, being honest about who I am and communicating with love and compassion because for me I believe that is the only way to successfully create positive relationships with anyone. It has taken me a lifetime to learn how to communicate effectively and my whole purpose in life is to support others to learn the skills more easily so you can put them to use right away and create more success in all areas of your life.

Now for my Dad and I, he is really lucky to have me LOL because through my lifetime of mistakes and bad communicating, I am afterall my fathers daughter, I have now learned the importance of patiently and compassionately asking questions. When I shared my AHA moment with him we ended up having a deep and meaningful conversation and finally discovered the truth.

I did follow my best
5 STEP FORMULA for CREATING SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

INTENTION, OBSERVATION, FEELINGS, VALUES, REQUEST

For example and hope this is clear. Let me know if it isn’t!!!!!!!!! and I will explain further.

1. INTENTION-Explained that my intention was to understand better what he was trying to say because I was most interested in him being happy and doing what he really wanted because I loved him.

2. OBSERVATION-Told him that when he was not specific and clear about his opinion, talking about others needs and wants instead of his own.  No judgement, just an observation of behaviour and my experience.
3. FEELINGS-How I felt about that and why, the whole distrust part…………
4. VALUES-Explained that I have values for honesty and authenticity because of how it adds to my ability to trust him and the quality of our relationship
5. REQUEST-Asked if he would be willing to tell me more about his reasons and what he really wanted, not what he believed others wanted or needed.

It all worked out very well and I can say in all TRUTH that I feel a deeper level of love and connection with my Dad now and hope he feels the same.

There is an interesting thing about TRUST and TRUTH. If you look at those two words they have the same root, TRU.. so if you want to build TRUST everywhere in your life then you must speak the TRUTH.
One of my favourite quotes, and I love many, but I really love this one
“THE TRUTH IS SIMPLE” but you must TRUST yourself and others to speak the TRUTH and that you build TRUST by being TRUTHFUL.
If you want to learn more about successful effective communication and how it can improve your life and relationships sign up for my blog HERE or below or to the side
My SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION MADE SIMPLE online course is almost complete and I will be sending out more news next week. Don’t miss out.
Communication really is simple…………..

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah 

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DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
also published on Metro LivingZine

I have been hearing these wonderful terms lately that totally resonate with me. “Fierce Accountability” and “Radical Responsibility” and I just feel their meaning deeply so wanted to talk about what they really mean and have started a new series called RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY which will delve more deeply into the principles and qualities one needs to be a great communicator and how to become radically responsible or fiercely accountable. I want to explore more deeply what it takes to actually action the principles for great communication, how to develop the qualities and make the changes you need to create positive relationships going forward. These steps are what will change your life towards a direction you want, towards more harmonious relationships, more professional success and ultimately a more fulfilling and happy life.

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So far we have nibbled at the 5 principles that are necessary for stellar communication, Consciousness, Compassion, Curiousity, Courage and Commitment and we have also briefly touched on the 5 Simple Steps for Successful Communication: Intentions, Observations, Feelings, Values, Requests.
Let’s now start learning what each of those qualities needs to grow your skill in that area.
So when we talked about Consciousness I suggested that great relationships start with knowing yourself first and this is a fundamental truth. If you don’t know yourself, aren’t aware of what drives your feelings, don’t know what your needs and values are you will struggle to express to others what is important to you and this goes for any relationship in your life.

One of my most favourite lines is “Don’t Believe Everything you Think” only because it is such a simple truth. Don’t believe everything you think because what you think is not always true. Can you think of things you think that aren’t true? How about I am not good enough, I can’t do that, I am fat, I am too old, they don’t like me and I am sure you can come up with a whole lot more. We know through neural science that how we think directly impacts how we feel.
You may have heard that great line;
WHETHER YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN, OR YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN’T, IT’S TRUE !
Your neural network is the wiring system in the brain that stores automatic responses to ones memories, experiences, learning, social conditioning etc. It is your MIND MAP or your BLUEPRINT so to speak.
Now I imagine that is not a new idea for many of you as it has been all over social media and the news lately but it brings me back to the one line that I really believe is important-THE TRUTH IS SIMPLE
Some of our truths are negative and some are positive and are influenced by the meaning we give to an event, which in turn will determine whether we feel positive or negative feelings. It is true that you can’t have a feeling without a thought first, so if you are feeling less than happy, feeling negative and fearful or are hosting a myriad of negative emotions, you may want to take a look at what you are thinking, what perspectives you are stuck in, what judgments you are having, what you are resisting or what outcome you are attached to. We cause ourselves an endless amount of pain by not digging deep to uncover what the simple truths are in our thinking especially when we are gifted with the ability to change our thinking so we can feel more positive feelings and create happier lives for ourselves.
Understanding our negative feelings as they happen will help us immensely in the long run as we learn to gain clarity about our thoughts, so we can shift our thinking, see new perspectives, find a different truth, refute the old thoughts which in turn will create more positive feelings.
Change

I have always been interested in NEURO-POSITIVE INTEGRATIVE COACHING which is where neuro-science and positive psychology intercept which put simply means “positive thinking creates positive feelings”  Positive thoughts, interpretations, beliefs, perspectives and ideas EQUALS feelings of happiness, peace, joy, pleasure, acceptance, appreciation………..it is really that simple.

The question is how does one gain the ability to change one’s thoughts, integrate them into a consistent new pattern that will create new positive feelings. The first task is to unpack what you are thinking by listening to your feelings, using them as a barometer for what is true for you in any given moment.
Your feelings are never wrong but your thinking might be less than optimal. Use your feelings like a clue to find the truth. You are on a hunt to solve the mystery of what you really think.
I have learned over many years to let my feelings guide me to clarity about what I am really thinking and then I can assess if what I am thinking is really accurate and true.
I love this quote “DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK” because truthfully “we think” based on our previous experiences, learning, social values, upbringing and to be honest most of the time those ingrained neural networks are hardwired with outmoded ideas that aren’t true in the moment. It is not as difficult as it sounds and learning to assess our feeling is where the important information about what we think can be found.

think

So lets get rid of that “stinkin thinkin” and trust me I have been stuck many times in a story I tell myself. Usually none of what I am thinking is even relevant or true and has NOTHING to do with me at all. In many cases it behooves us not to question what we believe and ask others if what we are thinking has any basis in truth or not. We could really change our lives if we change our thinking and the stories we tell ourselves about what events mean. It is typically most difficult when experiencing some BIG FEELINGS and we can’t see any other perspectives or a way forward, staying STUCK in our negative feelings. That is where the proverbial TIME OUT can come in handy while you take time to process what is at the heart of the matter or with the support from a coach or counsellor to help you figure out what your mind is really thinking.  Along with many other colleagues I can help you create a new MIND MAP, a new BLUEPRINT so you will feel more peace, joy and happiness, create more success and build positive loving relationships.
MindMapping

NEURO-POSITIVE INTEGRATIVE COACHING says that patterns of positive emotion, once set in motion, are stronger in the long run than negative ones. Simply stated, positive thoughts and emotion over time and practice will overtake negative emotional patterns creating new neural networks. The interplay of positive consciousness, thinking, feeling and awareness over time, with the initial smallest intent, can change the course of one’s whole life.

Challenge what you think, let your feelings inform you about what you are thinking, think 10 minutes everyday of what you appreciate and you will create happiness (The Happiness Advantage) learn to meditate, see a trusted coach or counsellor who can support you with clarity and moving forward, use guided programs to set new positive MIND MAPS & BLUEPRINTS to help you rewire your brain for success and happiness.

TO CREATE A NEW WAY OF THINKING & TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MIND MAPPING OR BLUEPRINTING CLICK HERE

NEURO POSITIVE INTEGRATIVE COACHING believes in the power of the neuroplastic brain to lead clients to a sense of vision and meaning, ultimately guiding them to a sense of personal significance and purpose, which is the centre for happiness and fulfillment in life”

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah 

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Life & Love is all in the Details


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
How Curiousity is one of the 5 Important Principles for Creating Amazing Relationships

How can we make everything in life truly amazing? How can we create Radical Relationships with intensity and passion that are truly an authentic expression of our individuality and our togetherness? It is all in the details.

I just spent a fabulous week in France taking in and enjoying all the sensorial delights and ambiance of the beautiful countryside, villages, history and all of details that make up a truly inspiring French lifestyle, from the simple salutations in every shop, to expressing oneself with hand gestures, kissing on both sides of the cheek, dining al fresco with the silverware and good china, the je ne sais quoi of the fashionista, food grown in the garden or shopped for in the market, music and fragrances of walnut oil and honeysuckle in the air, the curiosity and gratitude for the joie de vivre. Sigh…….DSC_3040
As I was planning this article about the importance and benefits of curiousity in our relationships and lives, it dawned on me this week that life and love is all in the details and a curious mind is a necessity for finding the details, the nuances, the deeper meaning and enjoyment of anything. Curiousity creates an intimate connection with people and life.

I love writing and coaching about love, life and happiness and hope that you will use all the information I share with you to make your life more fulfilling and purposeful and that it helps you create amazing relationships full of connectedness and passion with your partners and in life. It really is all in the details.
If we are to Create truly Successful Relationships and a fulfilling life we need to understand that curiousity is one of those important principles that will help us define the details, so we can uncover the meaning and importance of deeper understanding through authentic discovery. Without using the gift of curiousity we will live a life of mediocrity and miss out on a deeper and more meaningful understanding of oneself and true intimacy with others.

Socrates said “an unexamined life is not worth living”

In the series for Creating Successful Communication we have been discussing what it means to actually integrate the 5 Principles for Successful Communication. We have discussed what it means to be Conscious and how we can become more aware of our responsibility in our lives and the impact we have personally, professionally and globally.
I believe that Compassion is an essential principle for any healthy relationship, which you can read about HERE.
truth

Going forward we are going to delve more into the principles Curiousity, Courage and Commitment, so hopefully you will see the positive benefits those qualities can bring to your life and relationships.

So what does it mean to be CURIOUS?

CURIOUS:[kyoor-ee-uhs] ADJECTIVE: eager to learn, understand or know; to be inquisitive, arousing or exciting speculation, interest, or attention through being different or unknown; an inquiring open mind interested & seeking to know and understand; to wonder.

We are all born curious, it is a natural quality we all possess. Curiousity is what makes us humans learn to crawl, seek, taste, see, experience, create, philosophize, dream, explore, change. Curiousity is foundational to all creativity and is an essential principle to creating successful relationships.

Why you might ask? Well if you aren’t curious in life and love then you limit yourself to only what you know already. That will be the limit of your experience and understanding. To seek to understand more is an exceedingly important quality in your relationships because we can never truly understand another persons experience without delving deeper. It is important to not believe we actually know what anyone else is experiencing and to be ever so gently open and non-judgmentally curious.

In a previous article I wrote how curiousity will benefit your relationships:

“I believe it is invaluable to be deeply interested in what another person is trying to express with no agenda other than to understand, and in turn being deeply curious about yourself, what you are feeling and what you need to express as well.
Being curious shows that you care, that you are interested; that how the other person feels is important to you and that they are important to you.
While being curious you need to be able to listen without judgment or interrupting. Listening means to be silent and that your brain is entirely engaged with the other person’s experience and how they are feeling as they struggle to express what is going on for them, while also being mindful of your own feelings and responses.

It is helpful to stop yourself from knowing or assuming anything. It means that you remain an open blank slate without making assumptions that you already know and understand what others are trying to express.
Curiousity means that you are remembering that none of what is being said is personal and means you are LISTENING INTENTLY to what is being said, what is happening, what has caused the happy feelings or upset, what the other persons values are, what is important to them and how they want or need something to be different so they will be happier and your relationship will improve, personally or professionally.
This is an important detail about curious conversations; ask questions that help define what is needed, what is important to the other person and why.
Nothing in the world is done without meeting a need and defining what others need is what builds connection and compatibility. A need could be as simple as desiring more tidiness, help with dinner or as fundamental as wanting to feel more respected, but all worthy of our time, curiousity, compassion, cooperation and collaboration to resolve.
It is so important to check out what is going on for another person, make sure what you heard is what was intended, and do your best to understand what is important, what they need and are asking for.  Curiousity builds trust if you are truly seeking to understand someone else with an open compassionate heart.

If you can stay curious even in times of stress, you are on the road to positive healthy relationships. Curiousity helps you stay present to what is happening, what is trying to happen and collaboratively decide what needs to happen going forward. Being curious about the people we are in relationships with, how they experience life, understanding and appreciating their perspective is the key to love in personal relationships and builds collaborative professional relationships creating an unbreakable bond of positive connection and mutual respect”

It is important to reflect our understanding back to people so they know we have understood their answers. It is simple to repeat back what you think you have heard which lets the other person hear you were really listening and understood the details and nuances of what was being said. If we inadvertently missed out any important parts then our “curious minds” can remain open to further information that clarifies what the other person is trying to convey.
Questions can often times sound judgmental or like a criticism so it can be helpful to not use the word “why” but instead to use open questions that start with “what” and “how”:

What happened?
What is that like?Speaking
How do you feel?
What is important about that to you?
What do you need?
Can you help me understand?
How can I help?

There is a caveat to curiousity that I believe is important to mention as your curiousity must be connected with your awareness of yourself and is not meant to be an interrogation from fear or judgment. That is why authentic curiousity takes practice and an attitude of “open hearted wanting to understand” rather than fearful interrogation. I hope you can understand the difference and realize that sometimes we all need to monitor ourselves and that curiousity must have no other agenda than seeking to know more or to understand better with the intention to create positive connection.
With every connection we make it can be so useful to ask if you are creating positive connection or disconnection.

When I say that happiness in life and love is in the details I really mean it is in the details. We mustn’t just accept a superficial limited perspective if we want to feel happier and have more intimate connections to our partners, our friends and colleagues. Humans are complex individuals and attending with non-judgmental open hearted curiousity we can strive to understand people in a more authentic meaningful way.
Curiousity can help you achieve more connection by inviting more detailed information. As humans we present ourselves, our conversations and concerns about 6 layers above where the more meaningful truth is, which means the majority of the time we are not necessarily attuned to what is really driving our complaint or concern.
It is a gift of our time and presence to be curious, whether someone is experiencing a happy moment or a trauma. The impact is priceless as your simple presence and curiousity makes others feel appreciated and important and is that not after all what we all need in life; to love and feel loved. Curiousity is a loving act and love is in the details.
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It isn’t only important to be curious about others but equally as important to be curious about yourself. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs it is one of our main human needs to grow and evolve, and how could we achieve that if we did not use our curiousity. To be curious about oneself is one of the most important qualities we need to create a purposeful and fulfilling life. It is in seeking and clarifying the details of our own needs and values that compels us to live a more authentic expression of ourselves creating more purpose and fulfillment and happy peaceful relationships. How could we discover what is important to ourselves without curiousity? We couldn’t.
It is the act of asking ourselves the important questions that wakes us up and gives us choice to create the life we really want. Curiousity is about defining your dreams and goals and then making a conscious choice to pursue your life with gusto and passion. This is a big conversation best left for the next time but in the meantime I hope you can see the value of curiousity for your life and all your relationships.

Try it out and see what happens. I look forward to hearing what impact curiousity has in your life.

Love Mheyah 
Please connect with me at
www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

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“5 Simple Steps to Successful Communication”

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The Biggest C-Word-COMPASSION


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

COMPASSION IS ESSENTIAL FOR QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS
This is lesson #2 of a series I am sharing with you over the next few days and weeks on the key elements that are the foundation for excellent communication. I am hoping that you will be able to use the tools in some way that benefits you and makes a difference in your life.
The reason I believe communication to be so important and valuable is it the most relevant way we have to truly connect with others. Communication is made up of many parts, our words, how we say them, our body language and tone. If we all truly learn the Art of Positive Communication we will experience less conflict & misunderstandings in our lives and a lot more cooperation, appreciation and loving harmony, personally, professionally and globally. Communication is an equal opportunity skill that will improve our intimate relationships, create healthier families, communities will be more collaborative, corporate values will shift and nations more united.
I do like to say that being a stellar Communicator is really all about lots of “C” words, Curiousity, Consciousness, Compassion, Connection, Collaboration, Control, Consideration, Care.

So what is COMPASSION?
COMPASSION: (kuhm-pash-uhn) NOUN: a feeling of deep empathy, care and understanding for another who is upset, hurting, in pain or stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to care for and alleviate the suffering. It means to have heart.

Heart in HandWe all need to learn to have an endless well of compassion if we are to improve our connections with others, which in a lot of cases means we need to suspend judgement, our own self talk and reactivity. Empathy and compassion are the underlying premise of all positive connections and conversations and is the cord between hearts. Compassion is different than sympathy and is simply the ability to remain in an open loving heart and be with someone else’s pain even when it is sometimes directed at you. This can sometimes be difficult to actually achieve, however it is vitally important to any relationship.
For any successful healthy relationship both parties need to feel heard, understood, appreciated and accepted, however resolution when there are differences or conflict is a process that sometimes cannot happen immediately, but happens over some time, hours, days or weeks. We sometimes have to be patient with the process. When someone is experiencing upset they may not have the capacity for compassion in that moment and that is why it is so important for any of us to have an endless well of compassion for the person who is experiencing some strong feelings, whatever the cause, even if you are the cause. In our family we call our upsets “big feelings” and we all know when there are some “big feelings” happening that it is our time to bring on the compassion, attentive listening and care for the person having the ‘big feelings”
To have compassion and remain compassionate can be difficult sometimes if those “big feelings” are directed at you, however this is where it is vital not to take anything personally, stay calm and remember that any upset is more about the other person than it is about you. I am also not advocating that you stay in any abusive situation but I am saying that compassion is the antidote to upset, pain, hurt and conflict.
"love and heart connection"

It is a natural human response to feel defensive or on guard when someone’s pain, hurt, upset or a complaint is directed at us, however this is where the rubber meets the road so to speak in any conflictual interaction, and where we all must learn NOT to take someone else’s pain on, don’t take anything personally no matter what, and to remain in our compassionate heart, because that compassion is the glue in the relationship, whether it is a personal or professional relationship.
I often used to say to my husband when I was upset that the only action required was for him to have compassion for me in those difficult moments. Nothing else, just compassion. Trust is built on compassion because it makes others feel important and valuable and that you care about their well being.
Another point that is important to remember about being compassionate is it allows the other person to take responsibility for their own feelings and work through to the deeper issues. It allows all of us the opportunity to let others be responsible for themselves, not try to fix them or the situation, or be codependent ourselves. The beauty in this is it allows for you to be an integral part of someone else’s personal growth. What you are creating in that moment is a strong connection, an intimate bond in our common humanity to heal and grown in our aspiration for acceptance and love.

You will also need to learn to reflect back what is being expressed and how it makes sense to you knowing the other person (more on that in later issues) Compassionate Reflection is the action required after someone has shared with you, so the other person knows you have heard and understood what they have communicated. It is a simple summary of what you believe you heard the other person saying which gives them the opportunity to agree or adjust the message or to continue in more depth.
I believe that the pursuit of love, appreciation and acknowledgement is probably one of our most fundamental human needs and motivators. I can’t say enough about COMPASSION as it is my belief that it is the foundation for all positive human interactions and what really connects us all heart to heart.
So I would like to invite you this week to notice opportunities to engage in some Compassionate Listening & Reflecting and to remember to give yourself some compassion, love and caring too. Let me know how you did. I would love to hear your experience.

Listen HERE to The Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday short sharing on Compassionate Listening or read Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s books on NVC-Compassionate Communication

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
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Find out more about Mheyah 

 

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SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS START WITH YOU


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

Over the next few weeks I want to share with you the importance of improving our communication. It all starts with learning more about ourselves rather than anything else, and I want to look at that in more detail with you so you can get a better idea of the steps it takes to be a stellar communicator.
Now the reason I believe this to be so important is that if we can all learn to express ourselves from a deeper understanding of what we want and need, and why we want and need it, then truly we will all experience less conflict & misunderstandings in our lives and a lot more cooperation, appreciation and loving harmony.
I believe that communication is an equal opportunity skill for all areas of our lives, whether personal or professional and is a skill that will improve our intimate relationships, families will be healthier, communities more collaborative and nations more united.
I do like to say that being a stellar Communicator is really all about lots of “C” words, Curiousity, Consciousness, Compassion, Connection, Collaboration, Control, Consideration, Care………..no I wasn’t thinking Chocolate, but having said that isn’t everyone more agreeable when eating chocolate? LOL
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So for today we are going to start with the “C” word Consciousness which really is only a trendy new age word for personal awareness so don’t let the word scare you off the good information.

So what does being CONSCIOUS mean?
CONSCIOUSNESS: (kon-shuhs-nis) NOUN: to understand the deeper meaning of what you think and feel
It is about really noticing and becoming aware of your own feelings, reactions and responses. Relationships are inside work and the people around us are only triggers for us to notice how we are feeling, what has made us feel that way, what values are being prodded, what needs are being compromised, what story are we telling ourselves about an event, comment or conversation.

Our reactions and feelings are entirely made up from what we think and the perspective we have told ourselves about it. I do love to say “don’t believe everything you think” and the reason is that what we think is shaped by our past experiences good and bad. If we don’t have a thought then we won’t have a feeling or reaction, and that feeling is most likely based on thoughts that are probably not unbiased thoughts, but a collection of conclusions we learned since childhood and through past hurts where we have learned to deny our needs, values and primary emotions.
For instance one person can hear a comment or view an event completely differently than you, based on your different experiences with the words, what happened, where they were said, how they were said, the context etc and both of you could easily draw up completely different conclusions, neither right or wrong, just different.
Your job is to notice what story, or tape you have running in the background that filters all the messages you get from others. Once you notice your thoughts and the FEELINGS that come up from the interaction you can get clearer on what those FEELINGS mean to you. I know I am using the “F” word but seriously our FEELINGS are our barometer for what we really need and value and when we are able to tune into them we have done the first part to learning how to communicate better with the purpose of living more authentically & truthfully with ourselves and others. The impact of being able to do this is you will be able to live your life more in line with your real needs and values not from the unconscious drivers from the past.

The intention of the consciousness exercise is to then be able to express how you feel to another person in a calm and clear way, which in turn builds connection, trust and a greater understanding between you, BUT that is for another lesson, so for now as we explore all aspects of communication I would like to invite you to NOTICE what you FEEL when something or someone is “triggering” you and what thoughts or story came up before you had a reaction. Work backwords. Do your best to just be aware of yourself and we will talk about how to share it with others later on in the series.

To learn more about emotions and feelings here is an excellent article to help you CLICK HERE

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
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Creating Successful Relationships


Successful Communication Made Simple- A Series of Conversations

by Mheyah Bailey

“the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives”

This is the beginning of a series about how we can all Create more Successful Relationships. At Connection Point Centre we believe that excellent communication can be learned and is the key to living happy, loving and successful lives. This is where I believe we can change the world, positively connecting, personally, professionally and globally, one conversation at a time.


"connect"

Studies show that 85% of our happiness & success in life can be directly attributed to our communication skills

The atmosphere of all our relationships is determined entirely on our ability to communicate and how we exchange ideas, thoughts and feelings, how we manage our own reactivity, appreciate others’ perspectives, listen, solve conflict and express our own needs and values. How we communicate controls what our lives are like and whether we feel happy, fulfilled, have loving relationships and are successful personally and professionally, or whether we experience conflict, disharmony, disconnection, unhappiness and feel misunderstood, unfulfilled, alone and unappreciated.

Every day we live and work with other people who have different opinions, values, beliefs, and needs than our own, so having the ability to communicate effectively with others is what will create more love, happiness and success in all areas of our lives.

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I believe that as human beings one of our most basic needs is to be heard, understood, appreciated, feel loved and bond with others, and that learning how to express our beliefs, thoughts, feelings and needs is as important as water and breathing. Learning the fine art of communication earlier in life would mean that many of us would have been able to avoid a lot of pain in our lives from the lack of understanding ourselves and each other.

The act of communicating not only involves the words we choose, but how we say the words, our tone and body language. Our use of language and being mindful of a desired outcome has tremendous power in the type of atmosphere that is created during moments of emotional conflict. Words that are critical, blaming, judgmental or accusatory tend to create resistance and defensiveness that is not conducive to productive problem solving or loving respectful connection. On the other hand, we can choose words that are softer, more positive and compassionate and have an element of personal responsibility that will lead to clearer understanding and positive loving connection.

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The truth is relatively simple and successful communication requires that we state our point of view, our feelings, values and needs as succinctly and as clearly as possible with a foundation of copious quantities of heartfelt authenticity and compassion.

Are you experiencing conflict with your partner, your children and your colleagues at work?
Are you feeling misunderstood and not appreciated?
Do you want to feel more loved?
Do you not feel happy and don’t even know why?
Do you feel blamed and criticized?
Are you not enjoying life?
Is your partner distant and unresponsive?
Are you not where you want to be in your career?
Are you feeling unfulfilled and purposeless?
Do you not know how to ask for what you want?
Are you afraid to speak up for yourself? 

“If you do what you have always done you will get what you have always got”

Speaking

I believe there are 5 principles that are necessary for stellar communication, Consciousness, Compassion, Curiousity, Courage and Commitment which we will discuss in greater detail in the series and I will also share with you
the 5 Simple Steps for Creating Successful Communication: Intentions, Observations, Feelings, Values, Requests.
The place to start learning how to become more successful in your relationships is by getting to know yourself better, becoming conscious of the impact you have on others and becoming personally responsible for your part in any interaction, learning to manage your emotions, anxiety and reactivity. Combine all that with stellar communication skills and you can create the life you have always dreamed of personally, professionally and globally.
10 Reason to Improve Communication

Connection Point Centre specializes in teaching communication skills that create connection and harmony, resolves conflict, improves relationships through heart to heart conversations, team building through authentic expression and collaboration, coaching dynamic cultures and creating more love, happiness and success in all areas of your life.

“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart” – Dr. Marshall Rosenberg NVC

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
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Find out more about Mheyah 

 

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The Act of Compassion

What does it take to be Compassionate?
Also published on Metro LivingZine

Over the past months we have been learning about the 5 Principles for Successful Communication and are delving deeper into what it takes and who we need to be to develop the qualities it takes to embody the 5 Principles which are:
ConsciousnessCompassionCuriousityCourage and Commitment

We are now going to look more deeply at what it means to be Compassionate and how to actually embody Compassion

Firstly what is the definition of Compassion? What does it mean?

COMPASSION: (kuhm-pash-uhn) NOUN: a feeling of deep empathy, care and understanding for another who is upset, hurting, in pain or stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to care for and alleviate the suffering. It means to have heart.

Compassion is a Verb

We all need to learn to have an endless well of compassion if we are to improve our connections with others, which in a lot of cases means we need to suspend judgment, our own self talk and reactivity. Empathy and compassion are the underlying premise of all positive connections and conversations and is the cord between hearts. Compassion is different than sympathy and is simply the ability to remain in an open loving heart and be with someone else’s pain even when it is sometimes directed at you. This can often times be difficult to actually achieve, however it is vitally important to any relationship.

For any successful healthy relationship both parties need to feel heard, understood, appreciated and accepted, however resolution when there are differences or conflict is a process that sometimes cannot happen immediately, but happens over some time, hours, days or weeks even. We sometimes have to be patient with the process. When someone is experiencing upset they may not have the capacity for compassion in that moment and that is why it is so important for any of us to have an endless well of compassion for the person who is experiencing some strong feelings, whatever the cause, even if you are the cause. In our family we call our upsets “big feelings” and we all know when there are some “big feelings” happening that it is our time to bring on the compassion, attentive listening and care for the person having the ‘big feelings”
It is usually in a moment of conflict or upset that our ability to be compassionate flies out the window, which is entirely human, however is where we need to grow as individuals.

There are a few qualities we need to embrace and embody to be able to be compassionate for others in times of stress.

  1. Don’t take anything personally.
    I imagine you may have heard that expression before as it has been widely publicized in the Toltec book; The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, but how do you manage to not take anything personally? Don Miguel says:
    “Nothing others do is because of you.       What others say and do is a projection of their own story. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. We take things personally when we agree with what others have said. If we didn’t agree, the things that others say would not affect us emotionally. If we did not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior could not affect us. Even if someone yells at you, gossips about you, harms you or yours, it still is not about you! Their actions and words are based on what they believe in their personal story”
    To not take what others say personally is a skill for sure, one that takes time to cultivate but can be managed, and is about really integrating deep down this idea that anyone’s reaction has nothing to do with you and is only about them, what they are thinking, the story they have made up about what an event means, that their response is through the lens and perspective they see the world, from all their experiences, upbringing and education. We are shaped from the moment we are born until the day we die. We have the ability to change our perspectives at any given time, however we can only respond and react with the information we have accumulated at any given moment.
    It is a radical gift to allow someone the space to be in his or her own reality and not take responsibility for their experience or by trying to fix them. When we take things personally we are in essence taking responsibility away from someone and it is a true gift of growth to allow someone to take responsibility for their own experience, feelings and needs.
    It isn’t about you, it is about them, it is never about you and only ever about the other person.
    For me being able to have that perspective helps me not take anything personally. I have come to understand that it is never about me and that there is a lovely freedom in not feeling responsible for others reactions, feelings and responses. This allows us to be open in our hearts and offer compassion and curiousity instead of being caught up in the story, which I believe is foundational for loving connection.

    Compassion is the antidote to upset, pain, hurt and conflict. It may sound easy but can be a real challenge. If you also start to react or if you find yourself taking something personally and making it about you, STOP, LOOK & LISTEN which leads us to # 2.
    It is not you
  2. Listening: Manage your reactivity and listen with heart.
    Listening to understand is one of the most important skills to cultivate if you want to have compassion and excel at communication. Authentically listening means you are in your heart and not in your head rebutting, defending, arguing, stonewalling etc or any other myriad of negative reactions that cuts off connection. When you listen, are curious, reflective and responsive then you are able to have compassion. Listening is ultimately respect in one of its highest forms.
    There is no room for compassion if you are not listening with your heart and I believe that the pursuit of love, appreciation and acknowledgement is probably one of our most fundamental human needs and motivators. To authentically listen, it is important to suspend judgment, don’t assume you know, resist fixing, telling, scolding, sharing your advice or opinions. Just LOOK and HEAR with compassion. I can’t say enough about COMPASSION as it is my belief that it is the foundation for all positive human interactions and is what really connects us all heart to heart.
  1. Being in our heart which to me means, just standing in front of someone BEING THERE with no judgment, our body language open and soft, our brains devoid of chatter but full of love and empathy. Encompassing this quality reminds me of a coaching program I attend and support. One of the first things we are told our only job for the week is “just love the people when they walk in the room” which meant so much to me as a concept and went straight to my heart. An AHA moment one might say.Heart in Hand

Just love people where they are; It is the essence of compassion
Our leader from Choices, Thelma Box is a wise woman, and what she meant was no matter what anyone is bringing to the table, your relationship, your workplace, just love them when they come in the room. That is compassion at work.

So as you learn to cultivate compassion, I would like to ask you, what do you need to do, or NOT do, to be more compassionate?

What do you need to say No to? In my case I needed to learn to say NO to fixing people. What do you need to say YES to? I needed to say YES to embracing vulnerability.
What about you, what do you need to say NO to and what do you need to say YES to?

I also would like to suggest that who you choose to be in any given moment will either give you more of what you want or less, so ask yourself:

Are you choosing more connection or disconnection? Am I creating more connection or disconnection? We are all responsible for our reactions and responses and the outcome is up to us.

Who do you need to be today to get more of what you want in your life?
Love Mheyah

Please connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest
Email: mheyah@gmail.com

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