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CHANGES, CHALLENGES & CHOICES


CHANGES from the “INSIDE OUT”
It is that time of year again when for me it is my New Year. School goes back in, lazy summer days turn to crisp fragrant fall days and my mind turns to CHANGE,and I start thinking of what I want more of in my life. What do I need to change in myself, my home or in my relationships? What do I want to learn, what do I want to do and what options & choices do I have? 

I am always inspired to do something new in September, and thought you might want to join me in MAKING CHANGES.

Of course the BIG question is:
WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE?
Is “IT”  more love, happiness, joy, purpose, colour, style, peace, organization, furniture, knowledge, money, friends, learning, inspiration? 
What is the “IT” you are wanting, dreaming or needing more of……..
and…….
IF YOU HAD “IT” HOW WOULD YOUR LIFE BE DIFFERENT?
and…….
WHAT IS STOPPING YOU FROM ACHIEVING “IT”
THIS IS WHERE I CAN HELP YOU
I am offering a FREE 30 minute coaching session so together we can:

  • Define what CHANGES you want to make
  • Clarify what BLOCKS you are facing
  • Create a MAP to achieve your goal

What needs a TRANSFORMATION?  Your personal or professional LIFE, your HOME or your RELATIONSHIP

LIFE, LOVE & LIFESTYLE
Are you living “on purpose” 
Do you feel inspired everyday?
What challenges are you facing?
Do you feel what you do is meaningful?
Are your relationships full of love or full of conflict?
Do you feel fulfilled? Are you happy?
What choices do you have?
Do you feel afraid?
Do you feel in sync with who you are at your core?

I can help you discover what you want more of in your life, support you to create a life that will feel more meaningful, full of love, less stressful, healthier, happier and more successful. 
I will help you clarify your goal, define how to get there with a step by step plan and coach and support you to achieve it. I will help you solve challenges, turn conflicts into opportunities and highlight new perspectives and possibilities.
Go to my website to learn more about how coaching can help you change your life. 


HOME, DECOR & SPECIAL SPACES

Your home is more than just four walls. We all have dreams of what kind of life we will live in our homes, whether we dream of a safe harbour from the rest of the world, a place to live and connect with those we love, raise children and grandchildren, share memories for a lifetime with family and friends, a place to express ones individuality in decor, furniture and art. 

It is about fulfilling a dream and I guarantee to help that dream unfold so your home is a complete reflection of who you are, what inspires you, what is relaxing, what ambiance makes you smile. I will support & coach you to fulfill that dream so your home is a place you love to come home to.
I will give you a “to-do” list, access to suppliers, placement advice, colour ideas, renovation consulting and so much more. As your Lifestyle Coach I will create a clear plan of how to style your home so you have the life of your dreams in your special space.Click here Special Spaces Inside & Out


DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO DISCOVER WHAT CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE, TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE

Call, text or email me to set up time for your free 30 minute coaching session  
I am looking forward to connecting with you 

Mheyah
778-881-0410

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“How to Communicate Better” Workshop

Lets Get Together once a week for 6 weeks in North Vancouver and learn some new communication skills to improve your relationships in all areas of your life, personally & professionally.

The Quality of our Relationships determines the Quality of our Lives
Everyone is welcome to join.
You don’t have to be a couple to learn how to improve relationships. We are all in relationships everyday of our lives…………So please join me in learning how to communicate for more LOVE, HAPPINESS, SUCCESS & FULFILLMENT in your life. This group is for anyone who:
  • would like to feel more understood and better appreciated
  • wants less conflict and more happiness
  • wants less stress and increased health
  • would value more harmonious connections personally and professionally
  • wants to learn effectively listening skills so you can hear what others are really trying to say
  • wants to create more authentic relationships

Do you want to feel more at ease in the world, more confident and happier? Whether we are talking about personal or professional relationships, we can all benefit from learning and developing conscious tangible communication
 and relationship skills and integrating that learning into 
relationships filled with respect and ease. We will explore and grow awareness in personal relationships, learn more about your behavior, belief systems and find out how your communication process plays an important role in determining your health, your lifestyle and social experience.  Grow your inner understanding of how you process information, react and create the relationship behaviors you experience.  Learn language literacy and diplomacy and for some added inspiration and fun we will have one evening dedicated to True Colours Personality Typing. You won’t want to miss this evening for sure. We will also delve into the stories and meaning we make of what others say and do and how that impacts our perspectives and our feelings. We will learn to THINK RESPONSIBLY as it is important not to believe everything you think.

COURSE STARTS THURSDAY MAY 3 from 6:45 until 9:30 in North Vancouver Venue TBA  Email me at mheyah@gmail.com or call 778-881-0410

REGISTER FOR THIS INVALUABLE 6 WEEK
“HOW TO COMMUNICATE BETTER” WORKSHOP AND GET A ONE HOUR FREE COACHING SESSION – $199.00 + HST or pay weekly $35 + HST


THIS WORKSHOP WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

 
Recommended reading for the course is:
Non-Violent Communication A Language of Life by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg
Showing Your True Colors by Mary Miscisin

At Connection Point we promise
 Clarity, ‘AHA’Moments & Transformation. Our “soul” purpose is to support you to create authentic change through personal awareness, communication training & inspirational coaching.

MHEYAH BAILEY
CEO-CHIEF ENLIGHTENMENT OFFICER FacebookTwitterLinkedin
Sign up here for my newsletter and get valuable tips weekly
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Safe guard your relationship against Contempt

What is the Number One Attitude that Indicates
Your Marriage is in Trouble?
By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D.

Did you know that a trained observer could watch you and your spouse interact for several minutes and then predict with high accuracy whether your marriage will survive or not? Does that sound unbelievable?

In his bestselling book Blink, author Malcolm Gladwell writes about psychologist John Gottman’s research on what attitudes increase the chances that a marriage will end in divorce. Since the 1980’s, Gottman has videotaped more than three thousand married couples in his “love lab” near the University of Washington campus.

The results of each videotape have been analyzed according to a specific complex coding system that categorizes the emotions present in the interaction plus information from electrodes and sensors. Based on his calculations, if he analyzes an hour of a husband and wife talking, Gottman can predict with 95% accuracy whether the couple will still be married fifteen years later.

If Gottman watches a couple for fifteen minutes, he still has a success rate of 90 percent. A colleague of Gottman’s, Sybil Carrere, discovered that if they looked at only three minutes of a couple talking, it was still possible to predict with fairly impressive accuracy which marriages were going to make it and which would end in divorce.

How to Predict Trouble in a Marriage

Gottman finds out much of what he needs to know by focusing on what he calls the “Four Horsemen: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt.” Out of those four negatives, Gottman considers contempt the most important emotion of all.

Gladwell writes, “If Gottman observes one of both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the most important sign that a marriage is in trouble.” According to Gladwell, Gottman can eavesdrop on a couple in a restaurant and “get a pretty good sense of whether they need to start thinking about hiring lawyers and dividing up custody of the children.”

Why is contempt so damaging in a marriage? How can this one emotion cause so much damage? Contempt is different from criticism because it involves looking down on the other person and feeling superior to him (or her).

If you have contempt for your spouse, you are feeling scorn or disdain toward him. You feel disgust, sickening dislike, deep aversion, repugnance, and repulsion. You feel he (or she) is beneath you and that he doesn’t deserve respect.

Gottman even found the presence of contempt in a marriage can predict how many colds a spouse will get because “having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system.” And there isn’t any gender difference when it comes to contempt, according to Gottman’s research findings.

In light of this information, how do you think your interactions with your spouse would be viewed? Are you thinking you’re off the hook because you haven’t said things like, “You’re so stupid” to your partner?

Gottman has found rolling your eyes when your spouse is talking to you is a classic sign that communicates contempt. So is assuming a patronizing, lecturing voice. The actual words used are only part of what is being communicated. The non-verbal component is also communicating loudly.

Tips to Safeguard Your Marriage

One of Gottman’s findings is that “for a marriage to survive, the ratio of positive to negative emotion in a given encounter has to be at least five to one.” When he tracks the level of a couple’s positive and negative emotions, he has found that “once they start going down, toward negative emotion, ninety-four percent will continue going down.”

So what can you do if you recognize yourself or your spouse in this article? If you recognize yourself, know self-awareness of a behavior is the starting place for change. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. So you have taken the first positive step by looking closely at your own behavior and starting to become more aware of the damaging effect it is having on your marital relationship.

Next, you can share this article with your spouse and ask if he or she would be willing to go to marriage counseling so you can get the help and support you need to make the necessary changes. If your spouse refuses, then start individual counseling for yourself.

If your spouse is the one expressing contempt for you, write a handwritten letter stating how much you value your marriage and want it to be the best possible. Ask him (or her) to please read this article because you don’t want to lose your loving feelings for him or for your marriage to end in divorce.

State that you would like to look at your part in things and how you might need to change and grow, and you know this would be easier with the help of a marriage counselor. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship and show your willingness to look at your own behavior.

Keep the focus on making positive changes that will help your marriage be more satisfying to both of you. Avoid blame and accusations. It will be easier to address sensitive issues in the counselor’s office where you increase the odds your spouse will be more receptive to what you have to say.

If contempt is present in your marriage, it’s important to take immediate action to stop the accelerating downhill slide of negative emotions. Without intervention, your marriage may be on a crash course to divorce, and there’s no time to waste.

*  *  *  *  *

Copyright © Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” This is available at www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

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Tip for the week-Boundaries-What are they?

 

Bonus Tip of the Week:
“Boundaries are limits that you establish within yourself and express to your partner what’s acceptable to you and what’s not acceptable-what you’ll tolerate, what you’ll put up with and what the consequences are if your boundaries are crossed.
Boundaries have to do with your own self-respect, your self-esteem, your beliefs, your preferences and what you need and value in relationships.
A partner with healthy, established boundaries, for example, can say, ‘No.’
So, if you have healthy, established boundaries you’re comfortable saying, ‘No.’ You don’t sweat it out, or have anxiety, you don’t worry about it. If something’s not right for you, you can say ‘No.’ A partner with healthy, established boundaries can take responsibility for their own feelings and behavior. They don’t blame their partner for how they feel and don’t take on the role of victim.
It is essential for any successful relationship that both partners are able to clearly and compassionately communicate their boundaries to get their own needs met.  The ability to do this creates a healthy strong foundation for both partners where they can trust each other to speak honestly and truthfully taking any guess work out of the equation.
So if you are unable to speak up and set healthy boundaries from a loving place, learn how. Speaking your truth is a loving act to oneself and another and could save your partnership”
Contact me for your FREE session if you want to learn how to set boundaries. Your relationships will thrive not just survive.

Love Mheyah ♥
Connection Point Centre 

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings”. Anais Nin

“To nourish LOVE: learn, grow, heal and replenish it’s source through honest authentic connection”

 

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Alphabet of Happiness

A–Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they’ve made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.

B–Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

C–Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.

D–Decide
Decide that you’ll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.

E–Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you’ll learn more about yourself.

F–Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G–Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.

H–Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.

I–Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

J–Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you’ll grow.

K–Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they’ll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L–Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there’s room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there’s room for endless happiness.

M–Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you’ll suffer less stress and worry. Then you’ll be able to focus on the important things in life.

N–Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

O–Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there’s still much to be thankful for.

P–Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.

Q–Question
Ask many questions, be ever so curious because you’re here to learn.

R–Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end. That is faith

S–Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

T–Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You’ll be amazed by what you can accomplish. 

U–Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that’s wasted has no value. Talent that’s used will bring unexpected rewards.

V–Value
Value the friends and family members who’ve supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.

W–Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.

X–X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you’ll see the goodness and beauty within.

Y–Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you’ll find success at the end of the road.

Z–Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

I thought everyone would appreciate this lovely poem. Hope you all have a great day, don’t let your fears get in the way, have compassion for everyone and enjoy being your truest self………….that is truly what love is.
Love is above all the Gift of Oneself” Tasso
love Mheyah 

 

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Small changes……..

Bonus Tip of the Week:

“Remember that small steps lead to great progress. And if you can take small steps toward improvement in yourself, that just might be enough to change the dynamics between you and your spouse.

As you begin to stop doing what doesn’t work and start doing what does, both you and your partner will experience growing pains. It takes work to connect more deeply. But it’s worth the effort if you can hang in there. And the benefits you will receive will by far exceed efforts you make.

What you have before you is a great opportunity to gain enormous richness you didn’t know existed. And you will discover that relationship is truly the arena of your greatest growth. As your heart opens to love, your life is transformed at the deepest level, and your marriage can become your greatest blessing.”

(Tip is from page 157-158 of Keep Your Marriage™: What to do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” For more information, visithttp://www.KeepYourMarriage.com.

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Be Benevolent by Rick Hanson

What are your intentions toward others?
The Practice

Be benevolent.

Why?
Benevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself.

This goodwill is present in warmth, friendliness, compassion, ordinary decency, fair play, kindness, altruism, generosity, and love. The benevolent heart leans toward others; it is not neutral or indifferent. Benevolence is the opposite of ill will, coldness, prejudice, cruelty, and aggression. We’ve all been benevolent, we all know what it’s like to wish someone well.

Benevolence is widely praised – from parents telling children to share their toys to saints preaching the Golden Rule – because it has so many benefits:

* Benevolence toward oneself is needed to fulfill our three fundamental needs: to avoid harms, approach rewards, and attach to others. When these needs are met, your brain shifts into its Responsive mode, in which the body repairs and refuels itself, you feel peaceful, happy, and loving.

* Benevolence toward others reduces quarrels, builds trust, and is the best-odds strategy to get good treatment in return.

* Benevolence within and between nations promotes the rule of law, educates children, feeds the hungry, supports human rights, offers humanitarian aid, and works for peace. Benevolence toward our planet tries to protect endangered species and reduce global warming.

Of course, this is just a partial list of benefits. Bottom-line, benevolence is good for individuals, relationships, nations, and the world as a whole.

The fact that benevolence is often enlightened self-interest makes it no less warm-hearted and virtuous. And at this time in history when individuals feel increasingly stressed and isolated, when relationships often stand on shaky ground, when international conflicts are fueled by dwindling resources and increasingly lethal weapons, and when humanity is dumping over nine billions tons of carbon each year into the atmosphere (like throwing 5 billion cars a year up into the sky, most of which stay there) – benevolence is not just moral, it’s essential.

But easier said than done.

How can we sustain benevolence in ourselves and in our relationships, nations, and world?

How?
* Know what benevolence feels like in your body, heart, and mind – Bring to mind a sense of warmth and good wishes toward someone. How does this feel? Try on other kinds of benevolence, and toward other beings, to sense what these are like as well.

* Realize that benevolence is natural and normal – In the media, we are so bombarded with words and images of anti-benevolence that you can start to think that ordinary decency and kindness are somehow exotic. But in fact, as we evolved, our ancestors stayed alive and passed on their genes by caring about themselves and others. And given the gratitude and reverence for nature commonly found in hunter-gatherer bands today, they likely also cared about the world upon which they depended.

* Take care of yourself – When your core needs are met – when you’re not stressed by threat, loss, or rejection – the brain defaults to its resting state, its home base. From this home base, most people are fair-minded, empathic, cooperative, compassionate, and kind: in a word, benevolent. While it’s possible to sustain goodwill in a state of fear, frustration, or loneliness, it is sure a lot harder. An undisturbed, healthy brain is a benevolent one.

* Take a stand for benevolence – Establish your intentions formally – perhaps at the start of the day, or during a contemplative practice, or at a meal – to wish yourself and all other beings well. In challenging situations, take care of your needs while also asking yourself, “How could I be benevolent here? How could I restrain any destructive thoughts, words, or deeds? Can I wish for the welfare of others? Can I express compassion and kindness?”

* Step out of your comfort zone – Not doing anything foolish, consider how you could stretch a bit (or more) in your good intentions toward others. For example, seeing people you don’t know, try wishing them well. Or with someone who’s irritating, try looking past the surface to sense this person’s own stress and worries; without waiving your rights, can you find more patience, can you let go of recrimination or payback? Or could you extend yourself with friends or family, maybe doing more dishes or giving someone a ride? In the larger world, consider volunteering some time or giving more to a charity.

* Last, appreciate some of the benevolence that buoys you along – We’ve all been nurtured and protected by friends and family, humanity altogether, and the biosphere. In some sense, there’s an exuberant benevolence in the physical universe itself; consider that most of the atoms in your body – any that are heavier than helium – were born inside an exploding star. Afloat in these gifts, who could not be benevolent?!

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Truth

Communication is the single most important part of creating a healthy relationship. A relationship without communication is like a beautiful flower without water and sunlight, it will quickly wither and die. I don’t care if you think what you have to say is hurtful or you are afraid of expressing yourself, speak your Truth. Be kind, but speak up and be honest. It’s easy to communicate when it’s good news and happy times, but it takes a truly authentic and courageous person to communicate openly and honestly when darkness falls on a relationship.”
 
– Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.
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Boundaries- What are they?

Bonus Tip of the Week:
“Boundaries are limits that you establish within yourself and express to your partner about what’s acceptable to you and what’s not acceptable-what you’ll tolerate, what you’ll put up with and what the consequences are if your boundaries are crossed.
Boundaries have to do with your own self-respect, your self-esteem, your beliefs, your preferences and what you need and value in relationships.
A partner with healthy, established boundaries, for example, can say, ‘No.’
So, if you have healthy, established boundaries you’re comfortable saying, ‘No.’ You don’t sweat it out, or have anxiety, you don’t worry about it. If something’s not right for you, you can say ‘No.’ A partner with healthy, established boundaries can take responsibility for their own feelings and behavior. They don’t blame their partner for how they feel and don’t take on the role of victim.
It is essential for any successful relationship that both partners are able to clearly and compassionately communicate their boundaries to get their own needs met.  The ability to do this creates a healthy strong foundation for both partners where they can trust each other to speak honestly and truthfully taking any guess work out of the equation.
So if you are unable to speak up and set healthy boundaries from a loving place, learn how. Speaking your truth is a loving act to oneself and another and could save your partnership”
Contact me if you want to learn how to set boundaries
Love Mheyah
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings”. Anais Nin

“To nourish LOVE, learn, grow, heal and replenish it’s source through honest connection”

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Happy Relationships start here

“It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves – to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to be Loving to ourselves without owning our self – and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives.”
 
– Robert Burneya, is a codependency counselor, grief therapist and author.