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LIFESTYLE-how to be happy


And Now for Something Completely Different
Relationships are really inside work and you are responsible for your health and happiness………..
It can be a challenging concept to understand that relationships are inside work and I don’t mean just our love relationships but all relationships. It is our own responsibility to make ourselves happy, follow our own paths to passion, creativity and fulfillment and not blame others for our unhappiness. All our connections teach us about ourselves and need us to grow into our best selves to flourish, so for a change lets look at ourselves, and what we can do to make ourselves happier.

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony – Thomas Merton.

Happiness and living an inspired and conscious life can only be achieved if there is balance between the physical BODY, spiritual SOUL and emotional MIND.

BE committed, DO what it takes, to HAVE what you want-Choices International

Ingredients for Living a Happy Healthy Life according to Ghandi
"Ghandi's 10 rules"

RECIPE for a HAPPY LIFE

Physical-BODY
Get plenty of exercise, movement and fresh air. Men need a minimum of 3 times a week and women need up to 5 times a week of regular exercise. New studies have said we are healthier if we get 450 minutes a week of exercise which equate to roughly and hour a day. That is where walking a dog could help J
The benefits of exercise are widely known including physical and mental health on many levels. Our bodies are meant to move and express themselves. Movement keeps our hearts healthy, our weight in balance, our bones strong and creates endorphins for happiness, so if you want to feel better all the way around then start moving, whatever way feels inspiring to you.  If you can’t manage to stay committed and need help, hire a coach, a trainer, get an exercise buddy or figure out what is stopping you. Exercise decreases depression, improves sleep, reduces stress and elevates self-esteem while building strong bodies, bones and strengthens immunity. So get out and Swim, Ski, Run, Yoga, Pilates, Dance, Cycle, Run, Walk, Hike………Doesn’t matter what it is “just do it” as the saying goes. Thank you Nike.

Eat healthier. Buy quality whole foods, cook responsibly for heart health and nourishment and then balance your caloric intake with your exercise. Don’t eat junk or processed food. Eat at regular intervals to maintain a healthy glycemic index and eat 3 -4 small meals a day over eating one large one only at night and don’t eat late at night. You are what you eat, or so the saying goes.

Drink water
-5-8 glasses a day depending on your weight. Being dehydrated creates stress on the body so that your body does not run efficiently, builds up toxins, compromises digestion and creates fatigue.

Get sufficient rest
. We are a sleep-deprived culture. About eight hours of sleep is the minimum for the body to repair itself. You may personally need more or less, as sleep requirements vary between people but we do need adequate sleep to achieve our fullest potential. Don’t drink caffeine before bed, eat heavy foods or engage in mentally stimulating activity. Let your brain calm down and keep the lighting low for an hour before sleep and sweet dreams.

Find time to relax
. Just lie down, think positive thoughts, meditate or take up a relaxing hobby, socialize with people you love.

Do something creative.  
Pick a hobby or recreation that you enjoy as it will balance out daily stress. This is one of the most important aspects to happiness in my mind and is also one of the most important aspects for healthy relationships. It is vitally important to continue or find your creative centre for your relationships to thrive. When each person in any couple feels fulfilled creatively it will keep your relationship sparkling with enthusiasm and inspiration too.

Live somewhere that you love to come home to.
Create your SPECIAL SPACES
Surround yourself with beauty. 
At least what you consider to be beautiful

Emotional-MIND

Plan out your day
 and set goals. Remain flexible and try different approaches to your goals. Remember, sometimes life goes differently than you planned and you may not have time for everything. Just be productive in the time you have and do your best to not stress if you don’t accomplish everything just the way you planned. Perspective and positivity is important to ones well-being and sense of self-esteem. Formula for goal setting
S.M.A.R.T. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timely

Find and develop your gifts and talents
. Go out and try activities to find what you are good at and what you love and feel passionate about. We are all good at something

Keep a diary or a journal.
 This would be a good place to write things out, talk about your thoughts and feelings. Process life as it happens. It will give you a memoir to share when you are older.

Read
. Try classics such as Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Montaigne, Proust, or Tolstoy. If you are not fond of those, try the newspaper, a fantasy novel, history, personal growth, bibliography, or mystery. There’s something for everyone- check out your local library or a bookstore. I love bookstores. So many books, so little time.

Think responsibly-
You are what you think, whether you believe you can or you can’t, it is the truth. See more about THINKING

Learn something new every day-
Whenever we learn something new, including new attitudes, perspectives, or behaviors, we are changing the physical structure of the brain.

Education. 
Be independent and self-supporting. Educate yourself, master the skills necessary for your advancement and ability to contribute. You will not be dependent upon anyone else and safety and security is a fundamental human need.

Appreciation makes you Happy.
 Money is not that important. Fulfillment and Purpose are the most important qualities to create happiness Remember rich people are no happier than average people. After ones basic needs are met people that have more money are not any happier than those without a lot of money.

Play, Laugh & then Laugh and Play some more
You can learn more about a man in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. It is essential to ones soul and physical well-being to laugh, play and be a kid again. Never lose your inner child.

"joy and happiness"
Communicate effectively-see all about communication and the importance of effective communication on your happinessCommunication 

Listen 
to others. There is difference between just hearing the words and actually paying attention, listening and understanding them.

Compassion is an essential ingredient to connecting with others and living a heart centered life.

Process-
Be with yourself and learn what your feelings are telling you. Let them inform you of the deeper meanings.  Before you react in anger understand that anger is only a secondary emotion and that the feelings underneath that inform us of needs and values that are being compromised. If we do not look within, we will go without. The wholeness of ourselves does not depend on our personalities but depends entirely on the awareness of our inner feelings.

Consciousness-“Don’t believe everything you think”
 but do know that to live consciously means using the wisdom of the heart and the power of the mind. Seek out like minded individuals, go to counselling, get a coach, have a growth buddy, support group, join groups, learn. It is our human journey to grow, heal and change.

Responsibility-
be “respons-able” means be responsible for how you behave, how you react, are you choosing fear or love, are you bullying anyone or not asking for what you need and want, where are you not showing up, giving up, acting angry, hiding in confusion, not looking after yourself, abusing………,

Authenticity-Means to be genuine and honest about who you are in this world. It is way less stressful to be oneself at all times. “If you aren’t going to be you, who is?” Sometimes to be ourselves requires courage as we may face judgment or criticism but to live an authentic life is surely something to strive for as it is the foundation for purpose, happiness, love, fulfillment and success.

Purpose– Your purpose is who you were born to be and how you live every dayFind your purpose and everything else will fall into place. See Purpose…..

Career-
To be happy, ones job has to be one you love. “Love it or Leave it” You spend more time at your job than anywhere else, so make sure it feels purposeful and fulfilling and then you will be more successful and happy. One of the most important decisions you can make that will define your happiness is your career choice.

Contribution 
Do good deeds for other people, share your gifts and expertise for the betterment of others

Connection-
Connect with others, people you love and enjoy being around. Humans are a social animal and connection is an important aspect of our well-being. The second most important decision you make that impacts your happiness is choosing who to love and who will be your mate and partner.

Spiritual-SOUL

Meditate-
Meditation changes how your brain is wired and helps to reduce stress, increase awareness, lowers blood pressure and reduces anxiety and depression.

Commune
 with nature. Get outside, get fresh air, get outside with life and be part of nature. To do so is grounding and relieves stress.

Have Faith, Believe, Trust 
If you are religious, study, spend time with like minded people and spend time with others who challenge your beliefs. Learn what faith means to you and trust in something.

Add the key ingredient, LOVE and you have a recipe for a happy healthy life, personally, professionally, globally. That means to love yourself and others equally without judgment or fear. Love and Fear cannot coexist. It is a choice we make everyday. Ultimately, at our essence we are LOVE. We are not fear, or anger, or greed, or competition. As we continue to awaken, may we continue to grow in LOVE and exercise all that we are, in how we relate to ourselves, others and all living and non-living things on this planet. May we always focus on the solutions, rather than the problems, and truly be the change we wish to see.

love

Love Mheyah 

If you would like to connect. Book your discovery session below

Please connect with me at
www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
cell: +1-778-952-4797
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey
Work with Mheyah 

Happy-ness Reading List

Dark Night of the Soul by Thomas Moore
The Buddhas Brain by Rick Hansen
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The 7 Tools for Beating Addictions by Stanton Peele
Women Food and God by Geneen Roth
Healing the Hardware of the Soul by Daniel Amen
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford
Evolve your Brain by Joe Dispenza
The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo
The Power of One by Bryce Courtnay

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I have presents for you….

ANNOUNCING THE NEW CONNECTION POINT PROMISE

At CONNECTION POINT– We promise CLARITY,
“AHA” MOMENTS & 
TRANSFORMATION.

My “soul” purpose is to support you to create authentic change 
through personal awareness, communication training & inspirational coaching.
MHEYAH BAILEY-CCO-CHIEF CONNECTION OFFICER

HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE
I have been thinking of all the amazing people in my life like you and it is a again my favourite time of year when it feels like renewal and time for new things to happen and I want to say HI.

I have been inspired to re-create CONNECTION POINT to better reflect what I do and what I offer you so please check out my website as I am so excited to share it with you so you can learn more of who I am and how I can support you. It is still in the process of evolving so please bear with me as it unfolds.
It is my “soul” purpose to help you create authentic change so you can have a life with more of what you want and less of what isn’t working. Connecting with all of you, as well as my friends and family and being of service is what makes me get up in the morning, my reason for being here on earth, the purpose of my heart and my global contribution to change the world one conversation at a time.  

I want to support you to live an Inspired Life full of more
LOVE, SUCCESS, HAPPINESS, FULFILLMENT, PURPOSE & BEAUTY. 
I can promise that spending time with me will GIVE you CLARITY, “AHA” MOMENTS & TRANSFORMATION through developing more personal awareness of your needs and values, teaching you to excel at communication and help you to create goals that will move you toward your desired future.
I am offering some STELLAR SPRING SPECIALS for everyone who wants to discover something new about themselves, wants to figure out their LIFE PURPOSE, needs help with their COMMUNICATION, is feeling CURIOUS and WONDERING what’s next, is thinking how can I change my life so I can feel HAPPIER, have less conflict and enjoy more harmonious relationships, is seriously thinking something needs to change here……………..
 
The SPRING SPECIALS are:

1. SIGN UP BELOW  for some FREE COACHING
What is the burning question you want an answer to?
CALL ME or TEXT ME at  07986 201914
or EMAIL ME at mheyah@gmail.com and we can talk about it.

2. SIGN UP BELOW if  COMMUNICATION is what you want to learn more about?and I will send you some FREE COMMUNICATION INFORMATION and regular newsletters about how to improve your communication skills.
3. SIGN UP BELOW Call, Text, Email or Join me on Twitter or Facebook and let me know what you want to change in your life and I will send you a Questionnaire to help you fine tune what you want and need.
Please share this with anyone you think would be interested in changing their life. Looking forward to connecting with you

love Mheyah

LOVE IS OUR SOUL PURPOSE”

Collaborating for Conscious Change Personally, Professionally, Globally

-Discover your Values
-Define your Purpose
-Create a Vision
-Set Goals and Support Action

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want-Lao Tzu

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HOW CAN COACHING WITH ME BENEFIT YOU……….

I received some feedback from my last newsletter which left me thinking and wondering about how I could best express how I can support you as a coach and counsellor and what kind of difference I could make in your life.

Most of us have “stuff” whether it is personal stuff or professional stuff and it is my purpose and promise to provide you with CLARITY, AHA moments and TRANSFORMATION in whatever areas in your life need attention or change.
What does that mean? It means that as your COACH I will help you gain more CLARITY on what you want more of in your life, help you figure out your authentic values and needs, how to create a life that is purposeful and fulfilling, teach you to communicate with others more effectively so you will enjoy more harmonious relationships with yourself and others. 
AHA moments are my promise to you that you will discover and learn important details about yourself that you didn’t know before that will lead you to better understand yourself and your place in the world. The benefits of AHA moments are new insights which means you can make different choices that will bring you more of what you want & need to live a happier life. 
TRANSFORMATION is my guarantee that with coaching you will change and have the opportunity to create your life with a better understanding of your choices and how they impact your life.

“Everything you see happening is the consequence of that which you are”

 Dr. David Hawkins, American philosopher and historian

This is where I can help you: 
  • define what CHANGES you want to implement 
  • clarify what BLOCKS you need to get past
  • create a MAP to achieve your goal
  • support you in the PROCESS 
What needs a TRANSFORMATION in your life? 
Your personal or professional  LIFE,  your RELATIONSHIPS or you need a lifestyle MAKEOVER? 
What challenges are you facing?
Do you feel what you do is meaningful?
Are your relationships full of love or full of conflict?
Do you feel fulfilled? Are you happy?
What choices do you have?
Do you feel afraid?
Do you feel in sync with who you are at your core?
I can help you discover what you want more of in your life, support you to create a life that will feel more meaningful, full of love, less stressful, healthier, happier and more successful. 
I will help you clarify your goals, define how to get there with a step by step plan and coach and support you to achieve it. I will help you solve challenges, turn conflicts into opportunities and highlight new perspectives and possibilities.
Check out my website to learn more about how coaching and counselling can help you change your life www.connectionpointcentre.com
DON’T MISS OUT ON DISCOVERING WHAT CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE, TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE  
I am looking forward to connecting with you.
Mheyah
Registered Professional Counsellor CPCA (Canadian Professional Counselling Association #2346)
Marriage & Relationship Coach & Counsellor in Vancouver & North Shore
Personal & Professional Development Coach in Vancouver & North Shore
778-881-0410
I coach and counsel in person, phone or skype
My fees are $100 for 60 minutes
$125 for 90 minutes

Packages
Gold Package-10-90 minute sessions-$1199
Silver Package-10-60 minute sessions-$950
Bronze Package-5-90 minute sessions-$599
Titanium Package-5-60 minute sessions-$450
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New Years Changes, Challenges & Choices

What CHANGES and CHOICES are you going to make this year?

It is another New Year and it is customary to make resolutions and commitments.
We ask ourselves what we want to CHANGE this year and how are we going to get there. I start thinking of what I want more of in my life. What do I need to change in myself, my home or in my relationships. What do I want to learn, what do I want to do and what options & choices do I have.
I am feeling inspired and thought you might want to join me in MAKING CHANGES.
Of course the BIG questions are:
WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE?
Is “IT” more love, happiness, joy, purpose, colour, style, peace, organization, furniture, knowledge, money, friends, learning, inspiration?
What is the “IT” you are wanting, dreaming or needing more of……..
and
If you had “IT” How would your life be different? and
What is stopping you from having “IT”
This is where I can help you:
define what CHANGES you want to implement
clarify what BLOCKS you need to get past
create a MAP to achieve your goal
support you in the PROCESS 

What needs a TRANSFORMATION in your life?
Your personal or professional LIFE, your HOME or your RELATIONSHIP?

LIFE, LOVE & LIFESTYLE 
Are you living “on purpose”
Do you feel inspired everyday?
What challenges are you facing?
Do you feel what you do is meaningful?
Are your relationships full of love or full of conflict?
Do you feel fulfilled? Are you happy?
What choices do you have?
Do you feel afraid?
Do you feel in sync with who you are at your core?
I can help you discover what you want more of in your life, support you to create a life that will feel more meaningful, full of love, less stressful, healthier, happier and more successful.

I will help you clarify your goals, define how to get there with a step by step plan and coach and support you to achieve it. I will help you solve challenges, turn conflicts into opportunities and highlight new perspectives and possibilities.

HOME, DECOR & SPECIAL SPACES
Your home is more than just four walls. We all have dreams of what kind of life we will live in our homes, whether we dream of a safe harbour from the rest of the world, a place to live and connect with those we love, raise children and grandchildren, share memories for a lifetime with family and friends, a place to express ones individuality in decor, furniture and art.
It is about fulfilling a dream and I guarantee to help that dream unfold so your home is a complete reflection of who you are, what inspires you, what is relaxing, what ambiance makes you smile. I will support & coach you to fulfill that dream so your home is a place you love to come home to.
I will give you a “to-do” list, access to suppliers, placement advice, colour ideas, renovation consulting and so much more.

As your Lifestyle Coach & Creative Consultant I will create a clear plan of how to style your home so you have the life of your dreams in your special space.
Click here Special Spaces Inside & Out

DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO DISCOVER WHAT CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE, TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE

I am looking forward to connecting with you, Mheyah

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CHANGES, CHALLENGES & CHOICES


CHANGES from the “INSIDE OUT”
It is that time of year again when for me it is my New Year. School goes back in, lazy summer days turn to crisp fragrant fall days and my mind turns to CHANGE,and I start thinking of what I want more of in my life. What do I need to change in myself, my home or in my relationships? What do I want to learn, what do I want to do and what options & choices do I have? 

I am always inspired to do something new in September, and thought you might want to join me in MAKING CHANGES.

Of course the BIG question is:
WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE?
Is “IT”  more love, happiness, joy, purpose, colour, style, peace, organization, furniture, knowledge, money, friends, learning, inspiration? 
What is the “IT” you are wanting, dreaming or needing more of……..
and…….
IF YOU HAD “IT” HOW WOULD YOUR LIFE BE DIFFERENT?
and…….
WHAT IS STOPPING YOU FROM ACHIEVING “IT”
THIS IS WHERE I CAN HELP YOU
I am offering a FREE 30 minute coaching session so together we can:

  • Define what CHANGES you want to make
  • Clarify what BLOCKS you are facing
  • Create a MAP to achieve your goal

What needs a TRANSFORMATION?  Your personal or professional LIFE, your HOME or your RELATIONSHIP

LIFE, LOVE & LIFESTYLE
Are you living “on purpose” 
Do you feel inspired everyday?
What challenges are you facing?
Do you feel what you do is meaningful?
Are your relationships full of love or full of conflict?
Do you feel fulfilled? Are you happy?
What choices do you have?
Do you feel afraid?
Do you feel in sync with who you are at your core?

I can help you discover what you want more of in your life, support you to create a life that will feel more meaningful, full of love, less stressful, healthier, happier and more successful. 
I will help you clarify your goal, define how to get there with a step by step plan and coach and support you to achieve it. I will help you solve challenges, turn conflicts into opportunities and highlight new perspectives and possibilities.
Go to my website to learn more about how coaching can help you change your life. 


HOME, DECOR & SPECIAL SPACES

Your home is more than just four walls. We all have dreams of what kind of life we will live in our homes, whether we dream of a safe harbour from the rest of the world, a place to live and connect with those we love, raise children and grandchildren, share memories for a lifetime with family and friends, a place to express ones individuality in decor, furniture and art. 

It is about fulfilling a dream and I guarantee to help that dream unfold so your home is a complete reflection of who you are, what inspires you, what is relaxing, what ambiance makes you smile. I will support & coach you to fulfill that dream so your home is a place you love to come home to.
I will give you a “to-do” list, access to suppliers, placement advice, colour ideas, renovation consulting and so much more. As your Lifestyle Coach I will create a clear plan of how to style your home so you have the life of your dreams in your special space.Click here Special Spaces Inside & Out


DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO DISCOVER WHAT CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE, TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE

Call, text or email me to set up time for your free 30 minute coaching session  
I am looking forward to connecting with you 

Mheyah
778-881-0410

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“How to Communicate Better” Workshop

Lets Get Together once a week for 6 weeks in North Vancouver and learn some new communication skills to improve your relationships in all areas of your life, personally & professionally.

The Quality of our Relationships determines the Quality of our Lives
Everyone is welcome to join.
You don’t have to be a couple to learn how to improve relationships. We are all in relationships everyday of our lives…………So please join me in learning how to communicate for more LOVE, HAPPINESS, SUCCESS & FULFILLMENT in your life. This group is for anyone who:
  • would like to feel more understood and better appreciated
  • wants less conflict and more happiness
  • wants less stress and increased health
  • would value more harmonious connections personally and professionally
  • wants to learn effectively listening skills so you can hear what others are really trying to say
  • wants to create more authentic relationships

Do you want to feel more at ease in the world, more confident and happier? Whether we are talking about personal or professional relationships, we can all benefit from learning and developing conscious tangible communication
 and relationship skills and integrating that learning into 
relationships filled with respect and ease. We will explore and grow awareness in personal relationships, learn more about your behavior, belief systems and find out how your communication process plays an important role in determining your health, your lifestyle and social experience.  Grow your inner understanding of how you process information, react and create the relationship behaviors you experience.  Learn language literacy and diplomacy and for some added inspiration and fun we will have one evening dedicated to True Colours Personality Typing. You won’t want to miss this evening for sure. We will also delve into the stories and meaning we make of what others say and do and how that impacts our perspectives and our feelings. We will learn to THINK RESPONSIBLY as it is important not to believe everything you think.

COURSE STARTS THURSDAY MAY 3 from 6:45 until 9:30 in North Vancouver Venue TBA  Email me at mheyah@gmail.com or call 778-881-0410

REGISTER FOR THIS INVALUABLE 6 WEEK
“HOW TO COMMUNICATE BETTER” WORKSHOP AND GET A ONE HOUR FREE COACHING SESSION – $199.00 + HST or pay weekly $35 + HST


THIS WORKSHOP WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

 
Recommended reading for the course is:
Non-Violent Communication A Language of Life by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg
Showing Your True Colors by Mary Miscisin

At Connection Point we promise
 Clarity, ‘AHA’Moments & Transformation. Our “soul” purpose is to support you to create authentic change through personal awareness, communication training & inspirational coaching.

MHEYAH BAILEY
CEO-CHIEF ENLIGHTENMENT OFFICER FacebookTwitterLinkedin
Sign up here for my newsletter and get valuable tips weekly
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Safe guard your relationship against Contempt

What is the Number One Attitude that Indicates
Your Marriage is in Trouble?
By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D.

Did you know that a trained observer could watch you and your spouse interact for several minutes and then predict with high accuracy whether your marriage will survive or not? Does that sound unbelievable?

In his bestselling book Blink, author Malcolm Gladwell writes about psychologist John Gottman’s research on what attitudes increase the chances that a marriage will end in divorce. Since the 1980’s, Gottman has videotaped more than three thousand married couples in his “love lab” near the University of Washington campus.

The results of each videotape have been analyzed according to a specific complex coding system that categorizes the emotions present in the interaction plus information from electrodes and sensors. Based on his calculations, if he analyzes an hour of a husband and wife talking, Gottman can predict with 95% accuracy whether the couple will still be married fifteen years later.

If Gottman watches a couple for fifteen minutes, he still has a success rate of 90 percent. A colleague of Gottman’s, Sybil Carrere, discovered that if they looked at only three minutes of a couple talking, it was still possible to predict with fairly impressive accuracy which marriages were going to make it and which would end in divorce.

How to Predict Trouble in a Marriage

Gottman finds out much of what he needs to know by focusing on what he calls the “Four Horsemen: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt.” Out of those four negatives, Gottman considers contempt the most important emotion of all.

Gladwell writes, “If Gottman observes one of both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the most important sign that a marriage is in trouble.” According to Gladwell, Gottman can eavesdrop on a couple in a restaurant and “get a pretty good sense of whether they need to start thinking about hiring lawyers and dividing up custody of the children.”

Why is contempt so damaging in a marriage? How can this one emotion cause so much damage? Contempt is different from criticism because it involves looking down on the other person and feeling superior to him (or her).

If you have contempt for your spouse, you are feeling scorn or disdain toward him. You feel disgust, sickening dislike, deep aversion, repugnance, and repulsion. You feel he (or she) is beneath you and that he doesn’t deserve respect.

Gottman even found the presence of contempt in a marriage can predict how many colds a spouse will get because “having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system.” And there isn’t any gender difference when it comes to contempt, according to Gottman’s research findings.

In light of this information, how do you think your interactions with your spouse would be viewed? Are you thinking you’re off the hook because you haven’t said things like, “You’re so stupid” to your partner?

Gottman has found rolling your eyes when your spouse is talking to you is a classic sign that communicates contempt. So is assuming a patronizing, lecturing voice. The actual words used are only part of what is being communicated. The non-verbal component is also communicating loudly.

Tips to Safeguard Your Marriage

One of Gottman’s findings is that “for a marriage to survive, the ratio of positive to negative emotion in a given encounter has to be at least five to one.” When he tracks the level of a couple’s positive and negative emotions, he has found that “once they start going down, toward negative emotion, ninety-four percent will continue going down.”

So what can you do if you recognize yourself or your spouse in this article? If you recognize yourself, know self-awareness of a behavior is the starting place for change. You can’t change what you’re not aware of. So you have taken the first positive step by looking closely at your own behavior and starting to become more aware of the damaging effect it is having on your marital relationship.

Next, you can share this article with your spouse and ask if he or she would be willing to go to marriage counseling so you can get the help and support you need to make the necessary changes. If your spouse refuses, then start individual counseling for yourself.

If your spouse is the one expressing contempt for you, write a handwritten letter stating how much you value your marriage and want it to be the best possible. Ask him (or her) to please read this article because you don’t want to lose your loving feelings for him or for your marriage to end in divorce.

State that you would like to look at your part in things and how you might need to change and grow, and you know this would be easier with the help of a marriage counselor. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship and show your willingness to look at your own behavior.

Keep the focus on making positive changes that will help your marriage be more satisfying to both of you. Avoid blame and accusations. It will be easier to address sensitive issues in the counselor’s office where you increase the odds your spouse will be more receptive to what you have to say.

If contempt is present in your marriage, it’s important to take immediate action to stop the accelerating downhill slide of negative emotions. Without intervention, your marriage may be on a crash course to divorce, and there’s no time to waste.

*  *  *  *  *

Copyright © Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” This is available at www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

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Alphabet of Happiness

A–Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they’ve made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.

B–Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.

C–Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.

D–Decide
Decide that you’ll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.

E–Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you’ll learn more about yourself.

F–Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G–Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.

H–Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.

I–Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.

J–Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you’ll grow.

K–Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they’ll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L–Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there’s room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there’s room for endless happiness.

M–Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you’ll suffer less stress and worry. Then you’ll be able to focus on the important things in life.

N–Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

O–Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there’s still much to be thankful for.

P–Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.

Q–Question
Ask many questions, be ever so curious because you’re here to learn.

R–Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end. That is faith

S–Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

T–Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You’ll be amazed by what you can accomplish. 

U–Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that’s wasted has no value. Talent that’s used will bring unexpected rewards.

V–Value
Value the friends and family members who’ve supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.

W–Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.

X–X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you’ll see the goodness and beauty within.

Y–Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you’ll find success at the end of the road.

Z–Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

I thought everyone would appreciate this lovely poem. Hope you all have a great day, don’t let your fears get in the way, have compassion for everyone and enjoy being your truest self………….that is truly what love is.
Love is above all the Gift of Oneself” Tasso
love Mheyah 

 

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Truth

Communication is the single most important part of creating a healthy relationship. A relationship without communication is like a beautiful flower without water and sunlight, it will quickly wither and die. I don’t care if you think what you have to say is hurtful or you are afraid of expressing yourself, speak your Truth. Be kind, but speak up and be honest. It’s easy to communicate when it’s good news and happy times, but it takes a truly authentic and courageous person to communicate openly and honestly when darkness falls on a relationship.”
 
– Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.
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Boundaries- What are they?

Bonus Tip of the Week:
“Boundaries are limits that you establish within yourself and express to your partner about what’s acceptable to you and what’s not acceptable-what you’ll tolerate, what you’ll put up with and what the consequences are if your boundaries are crossed.
Boundaries have to do with your own self-respect, your self-esteem, your beliefs, your preferences and what you need and value in relationships.
A partner with healthy, established boundaries, for example, can say, ‘No.’
So, if you have healthy, established boundaries you’re comfortable saying, ‘No.’ You don’t sweat it out, or have anxiety, you don’t worry about it. If something’s not right for you, you can say ‘No.’ A partner with healthy, established boundaries can take responsibility for their own feelings and behavior. They don’t blame their partner for how they feel and don’t take on the role of victim.
It is essential for any successful relationship that both partners are able to clearly and compassionately communicate their boundaries to get their own needs met.  The ability to do this creates a healthy strong foundation for both partners where they can trust each other to speak honestly and truthfully taking any guess work out of the equation.
So if you are unable to speak up and set healthy boundaries from a loving place, learn how. Speaking your truth is a loving act to oneself and another and could save your partnership”
Contact me if you want to learn how to set boundaries
Love Mheyah
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings”. Anais Nin

“To nourish LOVE, learn, grow, heal and replenish it’s source through honest connection”