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How to find true personal power in relationships……..by Mastin Kipp

I really love this mans blog. He has many wonderful insights to share that you can find at The Daily Love blog.

HOW TO GET YOUR POWER BACK IN RELATIONSHIPS by Mastin Kipp

Many times in relationships we love to blame the other person.

We like to blame them for not loving us the way we want to be loved, or for not making us enough of a priority, or for being too stubborn and on and on.

Then we start giving names to the way we interpret others actions. So instead of saying: “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you let me figure it out on my own,” or “The way I really feel loved is when you (fill in the blank)”. When we are lacking, we say: “You’re a jerk”, or assume that they don’t love us.

So instead of expressing how we feel, we blame, judge and then convict the other person of being guilty. Then we project our verdict onto them and wonder why they react negatively and then use that negative reaction as further proof that our verdict was in fact, correct.

Instead of blaming and judging, if we can open up, become vulnerable and EXPRESS our feelings and needs, we give the other person an opportunity to course correct and with this new information.

And, if over time we are expressing our needs and feelings and they aren’t being seen, have the courage to pick up our things and leave. That’s the Master’s path – vulnerability and courage.

It might seem scary, but showing emotion and expressing your needs is how you build intimacy. And having high standards and the courage to maintain them is how you make sure that only the best kind of relationships remains in your life.

It’s the mark of a Master to no longer blame the other person, but instead to see the other person as a mirror of his or her own life. It’s the mark of a Master to share his or her feelings, rather than blaming someone else for not meeting the needs that were never expressed in the first place. It’s the mark of a Master who is strong enough to walk away from a broken and unfulfilled kind of love if his or her needs and emotions aren’t being seen. It’s the mark of a Master to be able to also meet the needs of their partner.

When you see the current relationships of your life as not a victim, but as a mirror of your own life, you can begin to take empowered action.

So, you say you want love, yes? Then whatcha gonna do today? Blame them? Or express yourself and set loving boundaries?

Do you want to keep going round in the dramatic circle of blame or do you want to step into the loving flow of vulnerable expression?

The choice is yours. What’ll it be?

Mheyah Bailey
Connection Point Counselling

 

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TRUST……by Mastin Kipp of the Daily Love

I loved reading this message by Mastin Kipp this morning as it reminded me of the importance of trust.

There are SUPER frustrating times on The Path. Instead of fighting against frustrating times with more frustration, anger and resentment, take a higher road today.
Remember, a delay is not a denial. The Uni-verse’s timing is always perfect and if something isn’t quite manifesting yet, there is a reason. So, today, instead of choosing to be angry, hurt or just plain ole pissed off, take a BIIIIG DEEP BREATH and know that everything is happening in perfect time. It might piss you off to know that it’s not happening in YOUR time, but it is happening in the perfect time.
Do what you can do that’s within your power today and let go of the rest. There’s no use letting the things you can’t control dictate your level of happiness.
So, instead of choosing frustration because you think you won’t be provided for or taken care of, choose to see the circumstance through the eyes of faith, and then relax, let it go and enjoy the rest of your day doing what you can.
We are not all powerful beings, though sometimes our ego would like us to think we are. There is also a tremendous gift in not always getting what you want. There are gentle and compassionate Hands that are guiding your life.
So instead of fighting against what you cannot control today, let go and choose to see the delay as a miracle in disguise sent by One who loves you, who has your best interest in mind and Who is setting up an even greater outcome than you can now imagine.

“Remember you are what you think and your life reflects what you believe”

Happy Sunday and go in Trust
Mheyah
www.connectionpointcounnselling.com

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Want Love, then BE Love

Want Love? Then Be Love-Able
by  Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love
Love is more than a feeling. Love is a state of being, a choice, a verb and, when chosen, a very powerful force in the Uni-verse.

When you choose to love someone, you love them even when you don’t necessarily like them from time to time. Love transcends moods, circumstances or money. The choice you make to love someone unconditionally is one of the highest choices you can ever make.

If you make your intention to enter into relationships with the mindset “How may I serve” and “How can I grow”, instead of “what can I get”, that intention will reveal to you so many wonderful things.

The promise of loving someone isn’t that they will stay with you for the rest of your life; the promise of loving someone is that you will learn so much about yourself. Many times we have to go through a lot of different relationships to understand what we really want and who we really are. It is through the pain of relationships ending that we truly learn about ourselves and why we make the choices we do.

It is only by wholeheartedly loving the people we choose to be in relationship with that we can see how deep and real the relationship is. If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t enjoy you being in your power, then the lesson isn’t that they are a jerk; ask yourself why you chose to be with someone like that.

It is only by loving deeply that we can live meaningfully and learn about ourselves. Don’t live to avoid the pain of heartbreak. Instead live with your heart wide open and let yourself learn the lessons love is trying to teach you. If you don’t learn the lesson, you’ll just keep attracting the same person in different shoes.

But if you learn the lessons, do the work, and keep your heart open – each relationship will get better and better until you finally find someone that you really gel with – you will find your life partner.

So, today, live openly. Learn the lessons from relationships of the past. Keep your heart open and know that each time it breaks, it’s not getting weaker, it’s actually getting stronger and wiser.

Finally, don’t seek out the perfect lover. Don’t chase love. There is nothing and no one to chase. Spend your time being a person who is worthy of being loved and love will be yours in the perfect time.

Learn the lessons. Stop the chase. Open up. Get busy being love-able and all love-able things will flow to you. This is the promise of love.

Mheyah Bailey
Connection Point Counselling.com

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A Self Approved Life

How to Live a Self Approved Life by The Daily Love-Mastin Kipp

I think one of the biggest impediments to living our dreams is getting caught up in other people, what other people think, trying to get their approval, not making other people mad, or going against certain people’s wishes for us (like our parents).

But, Abraham Maslow (the Founder of Humanistic Psychology) said that a self-actualized person (aka a person living their dreams) has to be “independent of the good opinion of other people.”

What’s that mean? Basically it means we can’t give a damn what other people think, no matter who those people are. It means that regardless of what our parents, friends, family, tribe, Nation or peer group say, we have to make up our own minds.

I have had lots of experiences personally when I’ve given my power away to other people, basically putting them on a pedestal and giving them my power. I’ve done it with bosses, clients, business partners, with girls (yeah, this one is hard) and my family. I was so conflicted because I was being nudged from within to follow a certain path that lead into the unknown.

I used to think it was selfish to listen to that voice, if I truly followed what was calling me that I would be a bad friend, son or partner. I also would make myself small to not make anyone mad (no one likes rocking the boat), or because the affection I was getting from a girl was better than being alone, so I would mold myself to fit his or her approval.

This kind of action creates all kinds of misalignments. The Uni-verse gives us dreams, desires and calls us to live them out. Deep down we know that The Uni-verse will support us to fulfill our purpose, but many times the opinions of others and the collective whole of society are louder than that still voice within.

The only way I have been able to get even this far with TDL is to embrace going against the grain. When I first got started with TDL my parents kept asking me when I was going to get a job. Up until this point, my parents had always been supportive of my dreams, but at that time, my life was really in a strange place. There was no certain financial future, nor was there any kind of goal or plan in my mind. So with all of this uncertainty in my life, my parents were obviously concerned and wanted me to be supported in L.A. So it wasn’t out of being against my dreams, but rather in the Spirit of Love that they suggested that I get a job. But that wasn’t how I interpreted their words to me.

After many times of them asking me this, I had to put my foot down and express my passion for TDL and that it was TDL or bust. I know that they were asking me this question from a place of trying to Love me, but the best way for them to Love me was to support me in following my dreams, rather than encouraging me to get a job. I finally had a conversation with them and said that if I call home again and they keep asking me when I’m getting a job that I will believe that they are not supporting my dreams and letting me trust myself. It was super scary to confront them, but I did, and I did it with Love. They have never again asked me when I’m getting a job, and the results of that decision today are proving to be correct since TDL is becoming radder than I ever thought possible. Also, as TDL has grown, my parents and I have grown even closer because of this experience.

You see, to live OUR dreams, each of us has to live a self-approved life. We have to give ourselves and our dreams the respect of choosing them over the outside voices that are so loud and convincing. But you see, those voices lose their power as you continue to follow your calling.

The path I am talking about is the road less traveled. It is the scary path and not everyone has what it takes to go down this path. But I know, because you are reading this blog that YOU do.

Stand up (in a loving way) to the naysayers in your life. Train yourself to let that still, calm voice within guiding you into the unknown of your dreams to become louder than the negative voices you hear. Surround yourself with fellow travelers who will support you.

Living the self-approved life takes guts, it really does. Don’t let yourself be molded by the opinions of others; rather mold yourself.
It’s not selfish to choose to be happy and follow your dreams; it’s mandatory because as you begin to realize your dreams, you will see that part of you realizing your dreams is helping other people. It is actually selfless in the long run to pursue your dreams because whatever gift you have to give to the world will benefit us.

The Uni-verse has given you this gift to give to the world; don’t hold back out of fear or because someone else or the world said you can’t or you shouldn’t.
Stand up to those (even if they are those who Love you) who don’t support your dreams. The beginning of planting a dream is when it’s most vulnerable, so be strong in your resolve to realize your dreams. Chip away at your new life one day at a time and trust that The Uni-verse is guiding you perfectly and know that you will be supported.

Make your faith stronger than your fear and over time you WILL be living your dreams.

Mheyah Bailey
Connection Point Counselling.com

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Perspectives

Great article by Mastin Kipp, creator of The Daily Love

Turn Your Mess Into A Message
The most important part of life, and the only part of life that we can truly control is our perception. We may have influence over other parts of our life, but the only thing we have 100% control over is how we CHOOSE to perceive the events of our lives.

One of the FUNdamental messages of TDL is that you are not a victim, but a co-Creator of your life with The Uni-verse.

It’s easy to play the victim and a lot of people out there will try to convince you that it’s easier to blame other people for the circumstances of your life. One of the reasons it’s easy to be a victim is because you give away the response-ability of the outcome and circumstances of your life to some other person or entity.

As a victim, we tell ourselves that it’s not our fault; it’s the Government’s fault, or our significant other’s fault, or our friend’s fault or our parents’ fault. If you really get creative you can imagine a whole range of people to blame for your life.

But the truth is that you are the one making the choices in your life. YOU have the free will and ability to CHOOSE to connect to Love, or not.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably made a mistake or two in your life (or dozens… lol). For a long time it was easy to blame people for the outcome. When things didn’t go the way I WANTED them too I would just make it someone else’s fault.

But, I started to learn differently. Thanks to teachers like Caroline Myss, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, M.Scott Peck, Jan Shepherd, Sophie Chiche and most recently Jesus, I began to learn how to take my power back. I began to see that the way we thrive is by making out INNER WORLD stronger than the outer world.

Tony Robbins will tell you that the story you tell yourself about your life will dictate the outcome of it. Caroline Myss reminds us that CHOICE is the most important power in The Uni-verse. Dr. Dyer teaches that it is the power of your INTENTION that forms the outcome of your life. Mr. Peck will tell you that life is hard and that when you realize and accept that, that life is no longer hard. Jan would tell you to put the loving first and to keep your dreams and visions grounded and in real time. And Sophie would remind us to love ourselves big time and to keep our thoughts in alignment with what we want, rather than what we don’t want. And of course, the big JC teaches unconditional Love and says we can experience this Love when we have right thought, take right action and keep our focus off of ourselves and keep it instead on Love.

How could you possibly let yourself be a victim knowing all these things?

If you really get that these lessons are REAL and TRUE and WORK, then, if you’re like me, you will feel called to turn your mess into a message.

Add value to other people’s lives and value will be added to your own. Being of service and taking the wounds of your life and turning them into lessons and sharing your experience with others will do more good to you and the planet than almost anything else.

To be human is to be messy, to screw up and to not get it right – that just comes with the territory. But it’s not right thought or action to assume the role of the victim. It may seem safer and it may even seem true. But what’s true is that you can take the wounds, messes and tragedies if your life and use them for good.

You can take your power back from people, groups and anything else that says you are powerless. You are POWERFUL, but you have to choose to be in your power and to step up.

Keep your thoughts on Love. Take and assume respons-ability for your life. Things may have happened in your past that you have no control over. But what you DO have control over is how you respond to those events. Do you want to let those events get the best of you, or do you want to rise to the occasion, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and say, “I got this?”

You may not have been able to control what happened in the past, but you have 100% control over what you CHOOSE to believe and as a result where you go from here.

Mheyah
Connection Point Counselling.com

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Speaking From the Heart

What’s Your Heart Say? taken from a newsletter by Rick Hanson

The Practice Speak from the heart.
Why?
One Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water – so soft and gentle – gradually carving through the hardest stone to reveal great beauty. Sometimes what seems weakest is actually most powerful.

In the same way, speaking from an open heart can seem so vulnerable yet be the strongest move of all. Naming the truth – in particular the facts of one’s experience, which no one can disprove – with simplicity and sincerity, and without contentiousness or blame, has great moral force. You can see the effects writ small and large, from a child telling her parents “I feel bad when you fight” to the profound impact of people describing the atrocities they suffered in Kosovo or Rwanda.

I met recently with a man whose marriage is being smothered by the weight of everything unsaid. What’s unnamed is all normal-range stuff – like wishing his wife were less irritable with their children, and more affectionate with him – but there’s been a kind of fear about facing it, as if it could blow up the relationship. But nottalking is what’s actually blowing up their relationship – and in fact, when people do communicate in a heartfelt way, it’s dignified and compelling, and it usually evokes support and open-heartedness from others.
How?
This week, look for one or more opportunities to speak from your heart. Pick a topic, a person, and a moment that’s likely to go well.

Before you talk:
Ground yourself in good intentions. To discover and express the truth, whatever it is. To help yourself and the other person.

Get a basic sense of what you want to say. Focus on your experience: thoughts, feelings, body sensations, wants, memories, images, the dynamic flow through awareness; it’s hard to argue with your experience, but easy to get into wrangles about situations, events, the past, or problem-solving.

Be confident. Have faith in your sincerity, and in the truth itself. Recognize that others may not like what you have to say, but you have a right to say it without needing to justify it; and that saying it is probably good for your relationship.

When you speak:
Take a breath and settle into your body.

Recall being with people who care about you. (This will help deepen your sense of inner strength, and warm up the neural circuits of wholeheartedness.)

Soften your throat, eyes, chest, and heart. Try to find a sense of goodwill, even compassion for the other person.

Bring to mind what you want to say.

Take another breath, and start speaking.

Try to stay in touch with your experience as you express it. Don’t get into any sense of persuasion, justification, defensiveness, or problem-solving. (That’s for later, if at all.) Be direct and to the point; when people truly speak from the heart, they often say what needs to be said in a few minutes or less; it’s the “case” wrapped around the heart of the matter that takes all those extra words.

Keep coming back to the essential point for you, whatever it is (especially if the other person gets reactive or tries to shift the topic). And feel free to disengage if the other person is just not ready to hear you; maybe another time would be better. “Success” here is not getting the other person to change, but you expressing yourself.

As appropriate, open to and encourage the other person speaking from the heart, too.

And afterwards: know that whatever happened, you did a good thing. It’s brave and it’s hard (especially at first) to speak from the heart. But so necessary to make this world a better place.

Mheyah Bailey
Connection Point Counselling.com

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To the Point by the Dalai Lama

When we face problems or disagreements today, we have to arrive at solutions through dialogue. Dialogue is the only appropriate method. One-sided victory is no longer acceptable. We must work to resolve conflicts in a spirit of reconciliation, always keeping others’ interests in mind.

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Love is the Only Answer

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

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The High Cost of Anger

The High Cost of Resentment and Anger
By Nancy Wasson, Ph.D.

Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of anger and resentment from their marriage. Periodically, they unpack these suitcases and review every situation in which they feel they were treated unfairly.

“Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins,” declares Neil Kinnock. Hanging on to anger and resentment is toxic, and the resulting sludge can slowly poison you and your relationships.

It’s easy to lose your perspective about the bigger picture and to become obsessed with how things “should” have been and how others “should” have treated you. In your mind, you may visualize yourself zapping the other person with the perfect verbal comeback or having the opportunity to get even in some way. The more you let your mind gallop in this direction, the angrier you get and the more you feel self-righteous and justified in your reaction.

When you become mired in anger, resentment, blame, and revenge, you are only hurting yourself. In the process, you put yourself at risk for experiencing health problems, sleeping difficulties, depression, relationship rifts, and daily agitation. You automatically increase your stress level and decrease your enjoyment of life. And the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.

Nothing you do to try to find inner peace will be effective when you are filled with anger and resentment. “If we have not peace within ourselves, it is in vain to seek it from outward sources,” states Francois de La Rochefoucauld. As long as you hold on to bitter feelings, you are sabotaging yourself by destroying any chance that you can experience peace of mind.

Dr. Wayne Dyer, in 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, states: ” It’s your ego that demands that the world and all the people in it be as you think they should be.” He continues by saying, “It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely.” Dr. Dyer compares resentment to venom that continues to circulate in your system long after the snakebite has occurred. He emphasizes that it’s not the bite that kills you; it’s the venom.

What Is the Antidote to Anger?

How can you find peace of mind? How can you handle your feelings of anger and resentment from the experiences in your marriage? How can you create a peaceful marriage now?

The answer lies in letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness. You can’t change what has happened, and you can’t control what your spouse chooses to do. But you do have control over the choices you make.

You can choose to cut the emotional bond that is keeping you tied to your anger and resentment. Instead, you can decide to experience the joy of freedom from the heavy burdens you have been carrying around for so long. To get the help you need in letting go of the past, you always have the option of asking a therapist or minister to assist you.

Thomas Fuller observes, “He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.” Without forgiveness, your life becomes an endless cycle of anger, resentment, and retaliation.

You practice forgiveness so that you can stop ruminating about the past and put your energy into the present moment. And you practice forgiveness so you will be free from the poisonous effects of resentment.

Then, you can experience peace of mind and bring inner peacefulness into your marriage. You will never have a peaceful marriage until you are at peace within yourself.

Mheyah @ Connection Point Counselling & Coaching
www.connectionpointcounselling.com

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Improve Your Relationship

Sometimes, when your marriage is on the rocks, you start to wonder how relationship goals that require two people’s active participation apply to you. That’s why I decided to write Ten Marriage Saving Strategies You Can Do Alone! for those people who don’t have the luxury of their partner’s support.  Here are ten goals that you can accomplish yourself! By Divorce Bustings Michele Weiner-Davis

1. Envision positive outcomes
There is no way that you can begin to accomplish positive change your marriage if you don’t believe it is possible. Start by imagining what your life will be like when your marriage truly turns a corner. The more you can picture every detail, the easier it will be to eventually step into this picture at some later date.

2. Act as if you expect miracles to occur
Once you can imagine positive outcomes, reflect on how you will be behaving differently when they happen. Then start doing that right now!

3. Be kind, even if you think your spouse doesn’t deserve it
You may be angry, disappointed, or even devastated by your spouse’s choices and actions. However, rather than react to unsettling behavior, assume your spouse is lost and confused. Be patient, kind and steady and your efforts will pay off.

4. Focus on small, positive changes
Don’t expect big changes overnight or you will be disappointed and it will make it hard to stay on track. Imagine the smallest change possible that would signal a shift in how things have been going. Then focus on that.

5. Promise yourself that you will have a great future, no matter what
You can not control what your spouse does, but you can control what you decide to do with yourself and your children, if you have them. Take a deep breath and envision how you are going to create a great future, regardless of your spouse’s choices.

6. Exercise your worry away
Take a walk, get some exercise to become more fit. Exercise can be a lifesaver. It helps to assuage worries, feel good about yourself and increase feel-good hormones like endorphins. Go for it!

7. Do one new thing you enjoy
Don’t become stale just because you are having a shaky time in your marriage. Novelty will stimulate your brain and maybe even your heart and help you have a more positive outlook about the future.

8. Make sure you have quality time with your children or other loved ones.  Be present.
Many times, when people are teetering on the brink of divorce, their pain makes them become self-absorbed and staying the moment becomes a challenging task. You will never be able to do your children’s childhood again, so do your best to be with them mentally when you’re with them.

9. If you get off track, get back on quickly without self-blame
What separates the winners from the losers is not whether or how many times you get off track, it’s how rapidly you get back on track. If you’ve veered from the Divorce Busting plan, hop right back on track without self-recrimination.

10. Do activities that help you rediscover serenity
Meditate, pray, hike in the mountains or watch a sky full of shooting stars. On a regular basis, do whatever it takes to bring you back to yourself. You and everyone around will benefit from your peacefulness.

Hope you enjoy some of these simple but effective tools for life, happiness and love, Mheyah www.connectionpointcounselling.com