Did CURIOUSITY really kill the cat?


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
Also published on Metro LivingZine

Curiousity is one of the 5 Important Principles for Creating Amazing Relationships. Curiousity really did not kill the cat, it saves relationships.

My Ziggy

My Ziggy

In the Successful Communication series I am sharing with you we have been discussing the 5 key elements and principles that are the foundation for excellent communication. As I was planning this article about the importance and benefits of curiousity in our relationships and lives, it dawned on me this week that life and love is all in the details and a curious mind is a necessity for finding the details, the nuances, the deeper meaning and enjoyment of anything.
I love writing and coaching about love, life and happiness and hope that you will use all the information I share with you to make your life more fulfilling and purposeful and that it helps you create amazing relationships full of connectedness and passion with your partners and in life. Love and life really is all in the details.

The reason I believe communication to be so important and valuable is it is the most relevant way we have to truly connect with others. Communication is made up of many parts, our words, how we say them, our body language and tone. If we all truly learn the Art of Positive Communication we will experience less conflict & misunderstandings in our lives and a lot more cooperation, appreciation and loving harmony, personally, professionally and globally. Communication is an equal opportunity skill that will improve our intimate relationships, create healthier families, communities will be more collaborative, corporate values will shift and nations more united.

Excellent Communication is really all about lots of “C” words, Curiousity, Consciousness, Compassion, Connection, Collaboration, Control, Consideration, Care…….AND I thought of some new ones, Courage, Commitment, Confidence, Change, Character, Competence, Consistency, Change

Previously we learned about Consiousness and Compassion and now we are going to look at how the “C” word CURIOUSITY is an essential element for successful relationshipsCuriousity creates an intimate connection with people and life.

So what does it mean to be CURIOUS?
CURIOUS:[kyoor-ee-uhs] ADJECTIVE: eager to learn, understand or know; to be inquisitive, arousing or exciting speculation, interest, or attention through being different or unknown; an inquiring open mind interested & seeking to know and understand; to wonder.

curious

Be curious with the open heart & mind of a child. Have you ever listened to a child who is curious about something? They are unequalled in their persistence to get the answers so they can understand.

I believe it is invaluable to be deeply interested in what another person is trying to express with no agenda other than to understand, and in turn being deeply curious about yourself, what you are feeling and what you need to express as well.

Being curious shows that you care, that you are interested; that how the other person feels is important to you and that they are important to you. While being curious you need to be able to listen without judgment or interrupting. Listening means to be silent and that your brain is entirely engaged with your partners experience and how they are feeling as they struggle to express what is going on for them, while also being mindful of your own feelings and responses. It is helpful to stop yourself from knowing anything and to not be in rebuttal mode. It means that you remain an open blank slate without making assumptions that you already know and understand what others are trying to express.

Curiousity means that you are remembering that none of what is being said is personal and it means you are LISTENING INTENTLY to what is being said, what is happening, what has caused the upset, what the other persons values are, what is important to them and how they want or need something to be different so they will be happier and your relationship will be better personally or professionally.

A need could be as simple as desiring more tidiness, help with dinner or as fundamental as wanting to feel more respected, but all worthy of our time, compassion, cooperation and collaboration to resolve. It is so important to check out what is going on for another person, make sure what you heard is what was intended, and do your best to understand what is important, what they need and are asking for. This is an important detail about curious conversations; ask questions that help define what is needed, what is important to the other person and why. 

Questions can often times sound judgmental or like a criticism so it can be helpful to not use the word “why” but instead to use open questions that start with “what” and “how”: What happened?
What is that like?
How do you feel?
What is important about that to you?
What do you need?
Can you help me understand?
How can I help?

Dr. John Gottman says ‘Nothing in the world is done without meeting a need’ and defining what others need is what builds connection and compatibility.  Curiousity also builds trust: if you are truly seeking to understand someone else with a compassionate heart they will learn to trust you.

If you can stay curious even in times of relationship stress, you are on the road to positive healthy relationshipsCuriousity helps you stay present to what is happening, what is trying to happen and collaboratively decide what needs to happen going forward. Being curious about the people we are in relationships with, how they experience life, understanding and appreciating their perspective is the key to love in personal relationships and builds collaborative professional relationships, creating an unbreakable bond of positive connection and mutual respect.

If we are to Create truly Successful AWESOME Relationships and a fulfilling life we need to understand that curiousity is one of those important principles that will help us define the details, so we can uncover the meaning and importance of deeper understanding through authentic discovery. Without using the gift of curiousity we will live a life of mediocrity and miss out on a deeper and more meaningful understanding of oneself and true intimacy with others.

Socrates said “an unexamined life is not worth living”

We are all born curious, it is a natural quality we all possess. Curiousity is what makes us humans learn to crawl, seek, taste, see, experience, create, philosophize, dream, explore, change. Curiousity is foundational to all creativity and is an essential principle in life.

Why you might ask? Well if you aren’t curious in life and love then you limit yourself to only what you know already. That will be the limit of your experience and understanding. To seek to understand more is an exceedingly important quality in your relationships because we can never truly understand another persons experience without delving deeper. It is important to not believe we actually know what anyone else is experiencing and to be ever so gently open and non-judgmentally curious.

There is a caveat to curiousity that I believe is important to mention as your curiousity must be connected with your awareness of yourself and is not meant to be an interrogation from fear or judgment. That is why authentic curiousity takes practice and an attitude of “open hearted wanting to understand” rather than fearful interrogation. I hope you can understand the difference and realize that sometimes we all need to monitor ourselves and that curiousity must have no other agenda than seeking to know more or to understand better with the intention to create positive connection.

With every connection we make it can be so useful to ask if you are creating positive connection or disconnection.
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When I say that happiness in life and love is in the details I really mean it is in the details. We mustn’t just accept a superficial limited perspective if we want to feel happier and have more intimate connections to our partners, our friends and colleagues. Humans are complex individuals and attending with non-judgmental open hearted curiousity we can strive to understand people in a more authentic meaningful way.

Curiousity can help you achieve more connection by inviting more detailed information. As humans we present ourselves, our conversations and concerns about 6 layers above where the more meaningful truth is, which means the majority of the time we are not necessarily attuned to what is really driving our complaint or concern.

It is a gift of our time and presence to be curious, whether someone is experiencing a happy moment or a trauma. The impact is priceless as your simple presence and curiousity makes others feel appreciated and important and is that not after all what we all need in life; to love and feel loved.

Curiousity is a loving act and love is in the details. "love, happiness, joy"

It isn’t only important to be curious about others but equally as important to be curious about yourself. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs it is one of our main human needs to grow and evolve, and how could we achieve that if we did not use our curiousity. To be curious about oneself is one of the most important qualities we need to create a purposeful and fulfilling life. It is in seeking and clarifying the details of our own needs and values that compels us to live a more authentic expression of ourselves creating more purpose and fulfillment and happy peaceful relationships. How could we discover what is important to ourselves without curiousity? We couldn’t.

It is the act of asking ourselves the important questions that wakes us up and gives us choice to create the life we really want. Curiousity is about defining your dreams and goals and then making a conscious choice to pursue your life with gusto and passion. I hope you can see the value of curiousity for your life and all your relationships.
Try being curious and see what happens. I look forward to hearing what impact curiousity has in your life.

Click HERE to learn more about how Successful Communication can give you more LOVE, HAPPINESS & SUCCESS

love

Love Mheyah ♥ 
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