Has your mate ever said the words “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you”? If your answer is yes, then you’re not alone. It happens every day, in every community.
Read here to learn what Mort Fertel says about the real meaning of LOVE
When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you. CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different then love. I care about the starving children in Africa, but I don’t love them.
Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing. But it’s different than love. I might be excited to have a relationship with the President of the United States or a Hollywood star, but that doesn’t mean I love them. While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” seems to be making a distinction between “different loves,” in fact, they are expressing their confusion about what love really is.
And that’s why they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because who are they IN LOVE with?).
Love is something we articulate in the vocabulary of ACTION. Love is a verb. It’s not a feeling you get from another PERSON; it’s an experience you receive as a result of DEEDS YOU DO for another person.
And those deeds are not a secret. In other words, love is NOT a mystery! There are specific things you can do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable-you can “make” love.
Very often in my private coaching sessions, someone will say to me, “I love my spouse, but I’m not IN LOVE with my spouse.”
My immediate response is to ask, “Can you list for me 5 ways in the last week that you’ve DEMONSTRATED your love for your spouse?”
Learning to be the ‘RIGHT” partner is more important than finding the “RIGHT” partner.
“I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” is a cop out. It basically means that a person is saying “I have no clue how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m exiting to get high from another short-term romance”
But whoever they’re IN LOVE with now will also eventually hear, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.” Of course, this is all fine and good, but it’s really your spouse who needs to hear this, right? Getting your spouse from “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” to “Okay, let’s give this another chance” can be a tricky task when they don’t understand the meaning of what love really is.
Seeking a professional could be the difference between divorce and your marriage thriving.
This is a great article on what love really is and what it really isn’t
Hope you have a great day and go in love. Mheyah
Mheyah Bailey RPC
Connection Point Counselling.com
Love Actually Communications.com