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Save your Relationships-Rescue Toolkit


What is 
happening in your relationship right now?

Are you worried about where your relationship is going? Is your relationship rocky and feeling disconnected?
Arguing a lot?  Are you feeling scared there is something seriously not working? Are you worried that your relationship may not last much longer? Have you been thinking about ending the relationship yourself or are you worried that your partner is going to end the relationship sometime soon?

If so, my heart goes out to you. We’ve all been in these kinds of situations at some point in our lives and they are never easy. In fact, relationships are often our greatest source of happiness and can also be our greatest source of despair and pain.
4855659-3d-rendering-of-a-heart-with-barbed-wire-around-it

Therefore, for a limited time I’ve decided to offer a special almost Fall (my new year)  half price one-on-one “Relationship Rescue Coaching Session” plus your FREE Rescue Relationship Toolkit
During this session we’ll work together to…

♥ Create a crystal clear vision for the kind of happy relationship you’d like to have.

♥ Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your relationship success.

♥  You’ll leave this session renewed, reenergized and inspired to turn your current relationship into the relationship of your dreams (or know if it’s time to get out).

couple connection

To claim your 30-minute “Relationship Rescue Coaching Session” simply reply or directly book your session 778-952-4797
and answer the following questions:

1. How long have you been in this relationship?

2. On a scale of zero to 10 how important is it for you to save this relationship?

3. What are the three biggest challenges you are facing in your relationship?

Be sure to include your name, email address and phone number when you request your session so that I can get in touch with you to scheduler time together.

Love Mheyah 
PS: The sooner you send us your answers, the sooner you can start implementing the changes you want for your relationship.

MHEYAH BAILEY
HAPPINESS, SUCCESS & LOVE COACH @ CONNECTION POINT CENTRE
COMMUNICATION SPECIALIST-Teaching you the language of love, success & happiness

CLICK HERE to see my FREE Webinar on Creating Awesome Relationships

Read my syndicated article “7 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Can’t Get Turned on Anymore” on Your Tango and on Care2

About Mheyah
Mobile:778-952-4797 Find me on Skype @ Mheyah, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Facebook

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New Years Hopes, Challenges & Choices 2017

What HOPES, CHANGES and CHOICES are you going to make this year?

It is another New Year and it is customary to make resolutions and commitments and look back on the past year.
We usually ask ourselves what we want to CHANGE this year and how are we going to get there. Did you manage to achieve what you set out to do in 2016? What did you celebrate and what can you improve upon this year?

I start thinking of what I want more of in my life. What possibilities can I envision?
What do I need to change in myself, my home or in my relationships. What do I want to learn, what do I want to do and what options & choices do I have. What are you hoping for in 2017?

I am feeling inspired by possibilities and thought you might want to join me in MAKING CHANGES.
Of course the BIG questions are:
WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE? WHAT DO YOU NEED GOING FORWARD TO BE HAPPY, HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS or BE MORE SUCCESSFUL AT WORK?

What is the “IT” you are wanting, dreaming or needing more of……..
and
If you had “IT” How would your life be different? and
What is stopping you from having “IT”
This is where I can help you:

define what CHANGES you want to implement
clarify what BLOCKS you need to get past
create a MAP to achieve your goal
support you in the PROCESS 

What needs a TRANSFORMATION in your life?
Your personal or professional LIFE, your HOME or your RELATIONSHIPS?

LIFE, LOVE, LIFESTYLE 
Are you living “on purpose”
Do you feel inspired everyday?
What challenges are you facing?
Do you feel what you do is meaningful?
Are your relationships full of love or full of conflict?
Do you feel fulfilled? Are you happy?
What choices do you have?
Do you feel afraid?
Do you feel in sync with who you are at your core?
I can help you discover what you want more of in your life, support you to create a life that will feel more meaningful, full of love, less stressful, healthier, happier and more successful.

I will help you clarify your goals, define how to get there with a step by step plan and coach and support you to achieve it. I will help you solve challenges, turn conflicts into opportunities and highlight new perspectives and possibilities.

DON’T MISS OUT ON THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO DISCOVER WHAT CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE, TO HAVE MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE
Let me know when you want to start your new life and book your Discovery Coaching Session
BOOK HERE
Mheyah

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Save your Relationships-Rescue Toolkit


What is 
happening in your relationship right now?

Are you worried about where your relationship is going? Is your relationship rocky and feeling disconnected?
Arguing a lot?  Are you feeling scared there is something seriously not working? Are you worried that your relationship may not last much longer? Have you been thinking about ending the relationship yourself or are you worried that your partner is going to end the relationship sometime soon?

If so, my heart goes out to you. We’ve all been in these kinds of situations at some point in our lives and they are never easy. In fact, relationships are often our greatest source of happiness and can also be our greatest source of despair and pain.
4855659-3d-rendering-of-a-heart-with-barbed-wire-around-it

Therefore, for a limited time I’ve decided to offer a special almost Fall (my new year)  half price one-on-one “Relationship Rescue Coaching Session” plus your FREE Rescue Relationship Toolkit
During this session we’ll work together to…

♥ Create a crystal clear vision for the kind of happy relationship you’d like to have.

♥ Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your relationship success.

♥  You’ll leave this session renewed, reenergized and inspired to turn your current relationship into the relationship of your dreams (or know if it’s time to get out).

couple connection

To claim your 30-minute “Relationship Rescue Coaching Session” simply reply or directly book your session 778-952-4797
and answer the following questions:

1. How long have you been in this relationship?

2. On a scale of zero to 10 how important is it for you to save this relationship?

3. What are the three biggest challenges you are facing in your relationship?

Be sure to include your name, email address and phone number when you request your session so that I can get in touch with you to scheduler time together.

Love Mheyah 
PS: The sooner you send us your answers, the more likely you are to get a session.

MHEYAH BAILEY
HAPPINESS, SUCCESS & LOVE COACH @ CONNECTION POINT CENTRE
COMMUNICATION SPECIALIST-Teaching you the language of love, success & happiness

CLICK HERE to see my FREE Webinar on Creating Awesome Relationships

Read my syndicated article “7 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Can’t Get Turned on Anymore” on Your Tango and on Care2

About Mheyah
Mobile:778-952-4797 Find me on Skype @ Mheyah, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Facebook

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Save your Relationship Resolution 2016?


What is happening in your relationships at the start of 2016?

Are you worried about where your relationship is going? Is your relationship rocky? Arguing a lot?  Are you feeling scared there is something seriously not working? Are you worried that your relationship may not last much longer? Have you been thinking about ending the relationship yourself or are you worried that your partner is going to end the relationship sometime soon?

If so, my heart goes out to you. We’ve all been in these kinds of situations at some point in our lives and they are never easy. In fact, relationships are often our greatest source of happiness and can also be our greatest source of despair and pain.
4855659-3d-rendering-of-a-heart-with-barbed-wire-around-it

Therefore, for a limited time I’ve decided to offer a special New Years 2016 half price one-on-one “Relationship Rescue Coaching Session” plus your FREE Rescue Relationship Toolkit
During this session we’ll work together to…

=> Create a crystal clear vision for the kind of happy relationship you’d like to have.

=> Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your relationship success.

=> You’ll leave this session renewed, reenergized and inspired to turn your current relationship into the relationship of your dreams (or know if it’s time to get out).

To claim your 30-minute “Relationship Rescue Coaching Session” simply reply or directly book your session  and answer the following questions:

1. How long have you been in this relationship?

2. On a scale of zero to 10 how important is it for you to save this relationship?

3. What are the three biggest challenges you are facing in your relationship?

Be sure to include your name, email address and phone number when you request your session so that I can get in touch with you to schedule your session.

Love Mheyah 
PS: The sooner you send us your answers, the more likely you are to get a session.

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Let’s talk about SEX


How many times a week do you think couples should be having sex?

Well the real answer is, as many times as suits the couple. Everyone is different and as long as both partners are happy with the frequency then all is good.

Here is the thing. Sex is the highest form of communication and all that ‘conversation stuff’ is all foreplay. So let’s talk about how communication, conversations and connection ties in with having great sex.

The truth is, sex is all about communication and is our most intimate form of communicating with our partners.
"love and heart"How we connect with others comes naturally to some and not so naturally to others but is essential for building awesome relationships. We communicate and transmit information all day long; I am available or not, I am open or not, I am relaxed or not, I like you or not, I love you or not. I want to have sex or not. The absence of good communication between couples can cause many problems, pain, misunderstandings, conflict, disconnection, lack of harmony and love, and yes when this happens can mean less sex too. This is how we end up in the proverbial catch-22 of disconnection. We feel upset with our partners or they are upset with us and we disconnect emotionally and then disengage physically and we end up in the relationship spiral of doom. We need physical intimacy to feel happy and connected emotionally and we need emotional connection to have great physical intimacy.

A lot of couples don’t want to have sexual contact when they are upset and feel emotional disconnected so they go round and round getting more emotionally and physically distant and the great relationship divide has happened. It can be so discouraging and disheartening.
4855659-3d-rendering-of-a-heart-with-barbed-wire-around-itI would like to suggest that our relationships don’t need to go through this painful process. We communicate with our actions, what we say or don’t say, and we can certainly learn to communicate more effectively to increase positive connection with our partners. Love after all is an action word.

To have more love, quality connection, passion and intimacy in your life you must be more loving and this is where being able to communicate in more loving ways will elevate your relationship to levels of AWESOME-ness.
No relationship can be truly happy, fulfilling & successful without knowing how to express yourself to the important people in your life. We all want to feel valued, loved, respected, to feel special and important and I can guarantee you learning new ways to communicate will bring you more of what you want.

Relationships need safety and healthy attachment to thrive. The one question we all need to know from our partners is, “are you there for me” and when we trust that someone is there for us it builds an awesome level of intimacy and connection and yes this is the space for great sex.

If you relationship is not thriving in the way you would like and you don’t understand why not, ask yourself what you could do to improve connection with your love.
"love held in our hands"

Here is a list of ideas to get you started with reconnecting. Think of the whole day as foreplay. Love is in the Details.
I am sure you can come up with a few of your own as well.

  1. positively engage, listen, be curious
  2. be calm and non-reactive, explain what you need and want clearly
  3. be appreciative and grateful for what your partner brings to the relationship, thank them for the things they do 
  4. share common interests, time together
  5. laugh with each other
  6. be openly affectionate, look at her/him directly
  7. be transparent and trustworthy
  8. do not criticize, blame or judge
  9. put your phone away
  10. check in for 20 minutes everyday
  11. smile at each other
  12. text little things during the day ????
  13. gifts for no special reason are nice????
  14. look after yourself which means you take care of yourself, body, mind and soul
  15. grow, learn, create, be inspired
  16. be happy
  17. kiss????
  18. celebrate
  19. offer to help, support, be of value
  20. be loving, caring, kind, compassionate

As Rumi says; Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Need relationship help-you can book me directly

loveLove Mheyah 
Please connect with me at
www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah

 

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How to deal with other people’s Big Feelings

 

6 Ways to deal with other people’s “Big Feelings” by Mheyah Bailey

I ran out of compassion, curiousity and courage the other day. All the important relationship principles were here in my heart and head, and then in a flash they were gone and I mean gone.
I am again reminded of how hard it is to stay grounded when someone else is yelling, upset and angry. I think I should qualify that. Anyone can yell and it doesn’t affect me, however if someone I love and care about yells and is upset, that is a completely different story.

I have a tendency to fall into complete trauma when anyone yells at me and appears to be angry with me. I interpret angry loud communication, which in our family we call Big Feelings, as very threatening to the relationship, could possible mean the relationship is over, I have been bad in some way and I am not loved. It hits me in my most vulnerable place of fear of losing love, not being good enough or not being loveable.
That is my old story and sometimes my history really jumps up and bites me, as my brain seems to have a mind of it’s own and just goes off into this weird place of threat and fear. I felt blindsided by my vulnerable self and couldn’t hang onto my adult, mature self. Counselors are human after all.
kid-tantrum-stubborn-brat

Well the truth is that our brains actually do that. If anyone has been the recipient of trauma or abuse then the trauma is most likely hardwired into the brain. That is essentially what PTSD is and sometimes when I am surprised by what I perceive as an attack I melt down just like I would have as a child in the face of abandonment and rejection.
I know in my logical brain that isn’t true but in the heat of the moment I have to talk my way into a calmer more rational place. So how does one self soothe during relationship conflict, stress, trauma or drama? I believe it is much the same for a lot of people and is how arguments start because both parties feel they must defend themselves from attack. The trick is to self soothe so you don’t fall into defensiveness and attack back.

It is particularly damaging to live with negative emotions such as contempt, judgment and anger and is up to both parties to learn to be responsible for their reactions and responses.

This article however is for you, while dealing with an upset person. 

Here are 6 actions you can do to help yourself when someone else is really upset.

  1. Cry and run away. Just kidding, that was my 6 year old talking
  1. Set a Boundary and take a time out- hold up the hand and say I need time out and I will talk to you when you stop raising your voice and I feel calm.
    No one deserves to be yelled at and you don’t need to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings. It is their responsibility to learn to share their feelings in a positive and healthy way. Your part is to set a boundary about what kind of treatment you will accept. The person with the Big Feelings is most likely not able to soothe themselves yet, so it is up to you to create the space for everyone to return to calm. It doesn’t mean the issue has gone away, it just means both parties can return to the conversation and find resolution. A time out is essential so that you have the time to self soothe, calm down, become conscious of your own feelings, needs and values and return to a place of commitment, curiousity, compassion and courage. Remind yourself ‘I am not responsible for anyone else’s feelings’
    boundaries-1
  2. Don’t take it personally As you are taking your time out remember and repeat ‘this isn’t about me’ ‘this isn’t about me’  ‘this isn’t about me’
    Someone who is upset, angry and expressing themselves loudly is most likely feeling hurt, in pain and feeling threatened in some way themselves, so it is vital to not make up any stories about what it all means and remember that it says more about them than it does about you and repeat ‘I am not responsible for anyone else’s feelings’

    nothing anyone says or does means anything about you

  3. Breathe deeply, concentrate on breathing from your stomach and as the old saying goes count to 10 or maybe even 100. We forget to breath and when we are faced with conflict, stress or trauma we start to breath very shallow which deprives the brain and organs of much need oxygen. If you notice you are breathing in your upper chest, stand against a wall and breath through your lower abdomen. It will increase oxygen and automatically relieve stress and repeat ‘I am not responsible for someone else’s feelings’Keep Calm
  4. See a counselor or coach to work through your brain wiring, communication skills, boundary setting and other roadblocks to contentment and successful relationships.
    Some counselors and coaches including myself offer crisis management if you need to connect with someone for support either through email or phone calls. I have found it can be very beneficial to support my clients through conflict in the moment rather than wait until the event is over. It can help uncover those hidden core tapes that are usually the cause of our reactions.
    There are many techniques to achieve calm in the face of stress through meditation, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitizing Reprocessing) hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) just to name a few and repeat ‘ I am not responsible for some else’s feelings’DSC_2976
  5. Meditate for 10 to 30 minutes. There are many options out there for meditating and is probably the most valuable tool for soothing oneself and changing the state of your brain from stress to calm. There are abundant resources for guided meditations or meditating on your own. Either way meditating is the best solution for taking a step back, self soothe and reminding yourself ‘you are not responsible for anyone else’s feelings’
    TimeOut
  6. Remind yourself what you are responsible for. You are only responsible to stay responsibly connected. What does that mean? Well I can tell you what it doesn’t mean first. It doesn’t mean, that you accept abuse, disrespect, contempt, judgment, accusations, blame, criticism, name calling etc.
    What it does mean is that you recognize and can discern that someone is just upset and lost their ‘stuff’ You know that you trust them and yourself to remain in the relationship until it is resolved, that you are responsible for your own reactions, responses and feelings and have learned communication skills that creates connection rather than disconnection and that you really, really get, that your are not responsible for some else’s feelings but you are responsible for responding with awareness of yourself, compassion, curiousity, love, courage and are committed to collaborating to resolve the issue.
    Screen Shot 2015-02-27 at 9.04.29 AM

 

loveLove Mheyah 
Please connect with me at
www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah

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The Power of APPRECIATION

Relationship Revolution- The Power of Appreciation by Mheyah Bailey

I have recently been re-inspired by witnessing the power of APPRECIATION
and reminded in a big way by an amazing couple I have met, the value and importance of APPRECIATION and how much LOVE really is an action word.

I have been living in the UK for the last 2 years and I have noticed the subtleties in the differences between Canadian and English communication styles, which has nothing to do with the differences in our accents, but more to do with the differences in our culture. It is so interesting that we can be so different considering we speak the same language.  I have found myself being acutely aware of what I say and how I say it and listening to people here with a new level of awareness. I will however leave this rather large topic for another newsletter, but instead focus today on a universal human commonality that is just as important here in the UK or Canada or Anywhere.
I was beautifully reminded by this young couple of how very, very, VERY important APPRECIATION is to the well being of ourselves individually, and how much expressing APPRECIATION positively impacts the happiness, fulfillment and security of relationships.
Everyday I am privileged to witness love and honoured to support people in their fears around the perceived loss of love, and all the complications that being in relationship brings to us. I teach couples how to get to the heart of the matter so they can create more connection, work collaboratively and remember why they chose each other in the first place. I welcome the challenges so people can learn more about themselves, each other, what they need and value and how to improve their communication so they can learn to celebrate differences, help them learn not to take things personally and make their relationships more positive, connected and full of love.

I will showAt the heart of this is that we all need to feel APPRECIATED, HEARD, ACKNOWLEDGED , RECOGNIZED and WITNESSED for all that makes us SPECIAL & UNIQUE, for the things we do everyday and the contributions we make in large and small ways personally, professionally or globally. It doesn’t matter how you contribute or what you do or what motivates you, whether it is cooking a meal so your family can eat, getting up that one extra time at night with the baby so your partner can have some valuable sleep, going out everyday to work to support the family, speaking at the UN on some new important policy that will impact the safety of the world, running the government, building houses, setting broken bones, creating art, designing technology……………………….. We are all motivated to do the things we do, by many diverse personal needs and values whether it is love, commitment, responsibility, money, creativity or intellect and so many other motivators, some positive and some not so much.
I imagine that you understand to some degree that we all get a sense of personal fulfillment in one way or another from making those choices to do what we do, as we all have hopes, values, needs and dreams and our actions are in service of fulfilling those, however, what I witnessed the other day was how important it is to be APPRECIATED by those around us and especially from those we love and care about.

“Nothing is done in this world without hope” MLK jr

In my experience in life, personally and professionally, it seems to be such an important ingredient to feel APPRECIATED and to have HOPE of that eventuality, which to most of us equates to feeling LOVED.
I witnessed a couple I am privileged to be coaching, such a compelling understanding of the importance of feeling APPRECIATED, that I am convinced that one of the main reasons relationships break down is because of this lack of feeling APPRECIATED, whether it is a couple, family, friend or professional relationship.
Our level of satisfaction and fulfillment will undoubtedly suffer because of a lack of appreciation. The majority of people who look outside their relationships, look for new jobs or a change in circumstances, generally are looking for appreciation, understanding and a connection for which they feel is lacking in their current relationships or situations.
love-and-appreciation
Dr. John Gottman from his Love Lab research, says that our interactions with others needs to be a ratio of 6 positive engagements to one negative, and if the balance is off there will be a definite decline in the quality and satisfaction in the relationship.

It really doesn’t take a lot to show APPRECIATION which is a close cousin to good old fashioned manners. Psychology teaches us that people are motivated to contribute to the greater good and feeling appreciated and valued for what we contribute is the currency for feeling fulfillment and happiness. It doesn’t mean that we need to have appreciation to contribute, it just means that it can be more fulfilling and meaningful and ensure our continued interest in contributing if we do. OK I admit it, I am not Mother Theresa and I really value knowing I made a difference in someone’s life. I am far more motivated by APPRECIATION than money 🙂
So judge me if you will but I think APPRECIATION is a very important human need and I think we can all forget to show our appreciation for others and fall into the trap of taking our relationships for granted. So if LOVE is an ACTION word, APPRECIATION is the currency for fulfillment, and we need to keep the balance of a 6 to 1 ratio of positive to negative, then how are you going to show your appreciation to others today.

appreciation-dayHere are some suggestions.
1. Notice and acknowledge a job completed
2. Say thank you to someone for the difference they make in your life, even the little things, because the little things are really important. (I think I may not have thanked my husband for bringing me tea in bed every morning)
3. Doing the APPRECIATION exercise. Three things I really appreciate about you today is……….and this works great with your children (or employees) and helps build their confidence, self esteem and their trust in their value to their community or family in the case of ones children
4. Do something for someone without expectation of anything in return
5. Give positive feedback ie: Wow the dinner is amazing. Thank you for making it for us or thank you for ensuring those emails got out or….
6. Send a card to thank someone for something you really value they do or did for you
7. Hug people you care about, hug people just because…..
8. Say I love you and WHY you love them, not just the 3 words but add what it is about them that you value, admire and respect.
9. Call, text or email just because you want to positively connect
10. Notice all the jobs that get done and mention that you noticed
11. Leave a note of appreciation for someone to find. It’s called A NICE NOTE!
12. Use reflective listening so others know you really heard them

Try this process for acknowledgement. When you do……….I really feel………because it meets my needs and values for……..In your own words of course 🙂

I hope you have enjoyed this newsletter and would love to hear back how showing APPRECIATION impacted your day?

I deeply appreciate your time and letting me share some thoughts with you and thank you to the couple that inspired this article. You know who you are.
love Mheyah 

Please connect with me at
 www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah 

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BOUNDARIES & THE CHAMPAGNE DILEMMA

Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
also published on Metro LivingZine

The last couple of months we have been discussing what it means to be “Fiercely Accountable” This topic fits under the principle of Consciousness in the 5 Simple Steps for Successful Communication. Consciousness or awareness if you would rather is one of the fundamental qualities one needs to be a Stellar Communicator. When we talk about Consciousness I suggested that all healthy and successful relationships personally or professionally start with knowing yourself first and this is an important truth.
This week we will be discussing; to be Fiercely Accountable one must be able to tell others what you need and value and that means setting clear boundaries honestly and compassionately.
In our series so far we have discussed the principles and qualities one needs to be a great communicator and are learning what it takes to actually action these principles. We have chatted about the 5 principles that are necessary for stellar communication, Consciousness, Compassion, Curiousity, Courage and Commitment and we have also briefly touched on the 5 Simple Steps for Successful Communication: Intentions, Observations, Feelings, Values, Requests.

So we are moving on to setting boundaries and what that really means. Simply put, it means drawing a line in the sand and saying: this is me, this is who I am and this what I need and value.
Draw a Line

Boundaries are limits that you establish within yourself and express to others what’s acceptable to you, what’s not acceptable, what you’ll tolerate, what you’ll put up with and what the consequences are if your boundaries are crossed.
Boundaries have to do with your own self-respect, your self-esteem, your beliefs, your preferences, what you need and value and is truly being your most authentic and honest self.
Someone with healthy, established boundaries, for example, can and will say ‘NO’
So, if you have healthy established boundaries, you are comfortable saying ‘NO’ 
You don’t become stressed, or anxious or worry about it. If something’s not right for you, you can say ‘NO’ compassionately and collaboratively. If you can’t say “NO it can be a challenge to learn but is an important principle in any successful relationship.
A person with healthy, established boundaries can take responsibility for their own feelings and behavior. They don’t blame others for how they feel and don’t take on the role of victim. This is being Fiercely Accountable or even I would go so far as to say “Radically Responsible”

Fences

It is essential for any successful relationship that both individuals are able to clearly and compassionately communicate their boundaries to get their own needs met.  The ability to do this creates a healthy strong foundation for both people where they can trust each other to speak honestly and truthfully taking any guess work out of the equation.
It seems whenever I am inspired to write something it inevitably shows up in my life right in that very moment and I am reminded to live life through my principles and not compromise myself which can be the danger if I lose sight of my commitment to being Radically Responsible.

So not only did something completely personal show up about setting boundaries but also people started sharing their own stories where they need to set boundaries and show up with their truth, which I will share with you to illustrate what I mean.

This is a brief example of how relationships can be impacted by years of not sharing what you need and want and being clear with someone.
I am calling it the “Champagne Dilemma” 

Champagne

A friend of mine was sharing with me how he does not get on with his sister and as usual my curiosity compels me to enquire “in what way does he not get on with his sister” He started to explain that she doesn’t adhere to certain standards and when he arrives for some celebration or another, the champagne will be warm and in his opinion the food is less than optimal for a classy occasion. He believes certain standards are important when entertaining and this level of inattention to what is important to him has caused a rift in his relationship with his sister and he is unwilling to even visit anymore. Now when I heard this story I asked him, as one does, if he had considered mentioning how he feels about this to his sister. Of course the answer was a big NO, he would never want to upset his sister by telling her how he feels, but instead he has let it impact his relationship with her and they are not close as they once were. Now to be fair my friend is a foodie and owns 3 restaurants so you can see why this would be important to him and you can imagine my wonderings all the way home about this situation. Hope you can see where this is leading.

This is more about sharing ones preferences than needing to draw a line in the sand but it does illustrate how not sharing can be a doomsday for any relationship.
If my friend was compassionately clear about his preferences for chilled champagne with his sister imagine all the possibilities for better understanding of each other, which creates friendship and intimacy and hopefully a good laugh at our humanity at the end of the day.
He could suggest he bring the champagne and food to support his sister in creating the occasion. He could gently say, oh I see we have champagne again, I love champagne, would you mind if I throw it in the freezer to chill for a bit. I love my champagne a wee bit chilly LOL
The possibilities are endless as to how this could be resolved so my friend gets his needs met for what he values, and also preserve and possibly improve the connection between him and his sister (who I am sure is a lovely lady who just doesn’t think about the champagne in the same way her brother does) Can you think of any solutions that you would use?

To be Radically Responsible means my friend would own that this is his issue not his sisters and it is up to him to resolve it and to really look at his own response to the issue. I have this great formula I use when I have an issue come up. It really helps me identify what is going on for me and helps me see what I need or value and if I need to share how I feel or I need to work on my own ‘stuff’. Going through this exercise helps me discern what is my responsibility and what is someone else’s.
I look at the situation and ask myself three questions:

  1. What am I judging? Really don’t want to judge others.
  2. What am I resisting? Yup, that means I am resisting what is real and not accepting what is the truth in that moment.
  3. What am I attached to? Have to say life is way better when I am not attached to ‘stuff’ and ‘outcomes’ This is when I need to remind myself to TRUST. Trust in whatever is important to you.

boundaries-1 I think we all can sometimes fear that we may be rejected or cause upset if we express an opinion or ask for something we need and want. It’s a lovely quality to want to please someone you care about or work with, but some people don’t think they have a choice and saying “no” causes them anxiety and fear.. This can be called co-dependent behaviour however is not a behaviour that only co-dependent people engage in. Some people, co-dependent or not have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.

Boundaries make a divider between what is your responsibility and what is someone else’s responsibility, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. That’s where a lot of people get into trouble by having blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own feelings on others. It takes a lot of courage to set a clear boundary and then follow through in the face of the fear of potential consequences and equally some people have rigid boundaries, are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them.

So if you are unable to speak up and set healthy boundaries from a loving place, I would recommend you learn how. Speaking your truth is a loving courageous act to oneself and another and could save your partnerships in your life and create more authentic and honest connections with everyone. I believe it is our purpose in life to become our most authentic selves so we can better share our gifts with each other personally, professionally, globally, changing the world one conversation at a time.

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
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Find out more about Mheyah 

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HAPPINESS PROJECT 101


Do you feel like you need a life makeover and don’t know where to start? Have you had some disappointments, losses, big changes, don’t know what to do? There are some missing pieces and you aren’t sure what they are or you just aren’t where you want to be in life yet? Having relationship issues, conflict, upsets, feeling disconnected or worse apathy has set in. You don’t feel like you know each other and feel all alone even though you are in a relationship.

Together, I will support, encourage and coach you through a JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY & TRANSFORMATION to wholeness & happiness. We will identify the necessary changes you need to move on to a life you envision for yourself, discover the missing pieces and learn new skills so you will be successful in all areas of your life personally and professionally. This program will help you feel happier, more at peace, have more loving relationships with less conflict and uncover your true heart’s calling and life purpose.

This is an EXCLUSIVE TRANSFORMATIVE COURSE for dedicated life changers. It is a hands on proactive coaching program that supports you to move from A to “WHEREVER YOU WANT” and includes, coaching with me one on one, your time and commitment, reading and homework until you are finished the course. We will not stop until you are where you want to be and have created the life you are envisioning for yourself.
TAKES APPROXIMATELY 6-10 WEEKS TO CREATE YOUR NEW LIFE

The program will help you CREATE an INSPIRED LIFE and I will support you to make your life an authentic expression of who you are from the INSIDE OUT.
This coaching course will guide you to get past what is holding you back from integrating all aspects of your magnificence into a life fully integrated with who you are at a core level.

“to live a conscious & inspired life one must use the wisdom of the heart & the power of the mind”
We will explore what you need to change to have a life full of more LOVE, HAPPINESS, FULFILLMENT, PURPOSE & BEAUTY.
We will unlock the keys to your fabulous delicious life.

Change can be so much easier with a coach, an advocate, a mentor, a champion.  I am committed to support, inspire, encourage and collaborate with you to create the life you want and I will help you leap into the life of your dreams.

Let me ask you:
Who are you being when facing life’s challenges?

Are you in touch with who you are and what you need?
Are you holding yourself back or seizing the opportunities?
Are you letting fear make your choices?
Are you able to communicate so you are heard and understood?
Are you living your best and most authentic self?
Are you feeling happy, fulfilled and successful?
Are your relationships healthy and full of love?
Are you living in integrity with your values?
Does your environment reflect who you are?
Does your lifestyle support your health and well being: emotionally, physically, spiritually?

How you answer these questions demonstrates your level of confidence, knowledge of yourself, your character and whether you have the right skills for a successful and happy life.  I will support you to create new empowering beliefs & behavior patterns that inspire confidence and move you toward your goals.
We will learn more about your values and how living in integrity with your values creates inner happiness and we will explore and eliminate self-destructive habits that are keeping you stuck.

I will teach you how to communicate authentically & effectively everywhere in your life so you feel confident and self assured in positive outcomes in all your relationships personally and professionally.
We will create a vision for your life and turn it into a reality so your life reflects who you are at your very core.

Please connect with me  to learn more.
Book your session below

or Register here for the course
DATE: AS SOON AS YOU ARE READY TO GET HAPPIER & CREATE A NEW LIFE
TIMES: YOUR CHOICE
WHERE: ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, NORTH SHORE, VANCOUVER, YOUR OFFICE, IN PERSON, SKYPE, PHONE
EMAIL: mheyah@gmail.com

REGISTER FOR THE EXCLUSIVE HAPPINESS PROJECT 101 – $2999.00
OR 4 EQUAL PAYMENT PLANS OF $750 OVER 4 MONTHS.

 

Love Mheyah ♥

Please connect with me at
www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@connectionpoint
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Work with Mheyah
Skype Me™!Skype Mheyah

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DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK


Successful Communication Made Simple Series by Mheyah Bailey
also published on Metro LivingZine

I have been hearing these wonderful terms lately that totally resonate with me. “Fierce Accountability” and “Radical Responsibility” and I just feel their meaning deeply so wanted to talk about what they really mean and have started a new series called RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY which will delve more deeply into the principles and qualities one needs to be a great communicator and how to become radically responsible or fiercely accountable. I want to explore more deeply what it takes to actually action the principles for great communication, how to develop the qualities and make the changes you need to create positive relationships going forward. These steps are what will change your life towards a direction you want, towards more harmonious relationships, more professional success and ultimately a more fulfilling and happy life.

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So far we have nibbled at the 5 principles that are necessary for stellar communication, Consciousness, Compassion, Curiousity, Courage and Commitment and we have also briefly touched on the 5 Simple Steps for Successful Communication: Intentions, Observations, Feelings, Values, Requests.
Let’s now start learning what each of those qualities needs to grow your skill in that area.
So when we talked about Consciousness I suggested that great relationships start with knowing yourself first and this is a fundamental truth. If you don’t know yourself, aren’t aware of what drives your feelings, don’t know what your needs and values are you will struggle to express to others what is important to you and this goes for any relationship in your life.

One of my most favourite lines is “Don’t Believe Everything you Think” only because it is such a simple truth. Don’t believe everything you think because what you think is not always true. Can you think of things you think that aren’t true? How about I am not good enough, I can’t do that, I am fat, I am too old, they don’t like me and I am sure you can come up with a whole lot more. We know through neural science that how we think directly impacts how we feel.
You may have heard that great line;
WHETHER YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN, OR YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN’T, IT’S TRUE !
Your neural network is the wiring system in the brain that stores automatic responses to ones memories, experiences, learning, social conditioning etc. It is your MIND MAP or your BLUEPRINT so to speak.
Now I imagine that is not a new idea for many of you as it has been all over social media and the news lately but it brings me back to the one line that I really believe is important-THE TRUTH IS SIMPLE
Some of our truths are negative and some are positive and are influenced by the meaning we give to an event, which in turn will determine whether we feel positive or negative feelings. It is true that you can’t have a feeling without a thought first, so if you are feeling less than happy, feeling negative and fearful or are hosting a myriad of negative emotions, you may want to take a look at what you are thinking, what perspectives you are stuck in, what judgments you are having, what you are resisting or what outcome you are attached to. We cause ourselves an endless amount of pain by not digging deep to uncover what the simple truths are in our thinking especially when we are gifted with the ability to change our thinking so we can feel more positive feelings and create happier lives for ourselves.
Understanding our negative feelings as they happen will help us immensely in the long run as we learn to gain clarity about our thoughts, so we can shift our thinking, see new perspectives, find a different truth, refute the old thoughts which in turn will create more positive feelings.
Change

I have always been interested in NEURO-POSITIVE INTEGRATIVE COACHING which is where neuro-science and positive psychology intercept which put simply means “positive thinking creates positive feelings”  Positive thoughts, interpretations, beliefs, perspectives and ideas EQUALS feelings of happiness, peace, joy, pleasure, acceptance, appreciation………..it is really that simple.

The question is how does one gain the ability to change one’s thoughts, integrate them into a consistent new pattern that will create new positive feelings. The first task is to unpack what you are thinking by listening to your feelings, using them as a barometer for what is true for you in any given moment.
Your feelings are never wrong but your thinking might be less than optimal. Use your feelings like a clue to find the truth. You are on a hunt to solve the mystery of what you really think.
I have learned over many years to let my feelings guide me to clarity about what I am really thinking and then I can assess if what I am thinking is really accurate and true.
I love this quote “DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK” because truthfully “we think” based on our previous experiences, learning, social values, upbringing and to be honest most of the time those ingrained neural networks are hardwired with outmoded ideas that aren’t true in the moment. It is not as difficult as it sounds and learning to assess our feeling is where the important information about what we think can be found.

think

So lets get rid of that “stinkin thinkin” and trust me I have been stuck many times in a story I tell myself. Usually none of what I am thinking is even relevant or true and has NOTHING to do with me at all. In many cases it behooves us not to question what we believe and ask others if what we are thinking has any basis in truth or not. We could really change our lives if we change our thinking and the stories we tell ourselves about what events mean. It is typically most difficult when experiencing some BIG FEELINGS and we can’t see any other perspectives or a way forward, staying STUCK in our negative feelings. That is where the proverbial TIME OUT can come in handy while you take time to process what is at the heart of the matter or with the support from a coach or counsellor to help you figure out what your mind is really thinking.  Along with many other colleagues I can help you create a new MIND MAP, a new BLUEPRINT so you will feel more peace, joy and happiness, create more success and build positive loving relationships.
MindMapping

NEURO-POSITIVE INTEGRATIVE COACHING says that patterns of positive emotion, once set in motion, are stronger in the long run than negative ones. Simply stated, positive thoughts and emotion over time and practice will overtake negative emotional patterns creating new neural networks. The interplay of positive consciousness, thinking, feeling and awareness over time, with the initial smallest intent, can change the course of one’s whole life.

Challenge what you think, let your feelings inform you about what you are thinking, think 10 minutes everyday of what you appreciate and you will create happiness (The Happiness Advantage) learn to meditate, see a trusted coach or counsellor who can support you with clarity and moving forward, use guided programs to set new positive MIND MAPS & BLUEPRINTS to help you rewire your brain for success and happiness.

TO CREATE A NEW WAY OF THINKING & TO LEARN MORE ABOUT MIND MAPPING OR BLUEPRINTING CLICK HERE

NEURO POSITIVE INTEGRATIVE COACHING believes in the power of the neuroplastic brain to lead clients to a sense of vision and meaning, ultimately guiding them to a sense of personal significance and purpose, which is the centre for happiness and fulfillment in life”

loveLove Mheyah ♥ 
Please connect with me at 

www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@gmail.com
facebook@connectionpointcentre
twitter@mheyahbailey
instagram@mheyahbailey
pinterest@mheyahbailey

Find out more about Mheyah