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Boundaries- What are they?

Bonus Tip of the Week:
“Boundaries are limits that you establish within yourself and express to your partner about what’s acceptable to you and what’s not acceptable-what you’ll tolerate, what you’ll put up with and what the consequences are if your boundaries are crossed.
Boundaries have to do with your own self-respect, your self-esteem, your beliefs, your preferences and what you need and value in relationships.
A partner with healthy, established boundaries, for example, can say, ‘No.’
So, if you have healthy, established boundaries you’re comfortable saying, ‘No.’ You don’t sweat it out, or have anxiety, you don’t worry about it. If something’s not right for you, you can say ‘No.’ A partner with healthy, established boundaries can take responsibility for their own feelings and behavior. They don’t blame their partner for how they feel and don’t take on the role of victim.
It is essential for any successful relationship that both partners are able to clearly and compassionately communicate their boundaries to get their own needs met.  The ability to do this creates a healthy strong foundation for both partners where they can trust each other to speak honestly and truthfully taking any guess work out of the equation.
So if you are unable to speak up and set healthy boundaries from a loving place, learn how. Speaking your truth is a loving act to oneself and another and could save your partnership”
Contact me if you want to learn how to set boundaries
Love Mheyah
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings”. Anais Nin

“To nourish LOVE, learn, grow, heal and replenish it’s source through honest connection”

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To the Point by the Dalai Lama

When we face problems or disagreements today, we have to arrive at solutions through dialogue. Dialogue is the only appropriate method. One-sided victory is no longer acceptable. We must work to resolve conflicts in a spirit of reconciliation, always keeping others’ interests in mind.

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Improve Your Relationship

Sometimes, when your marriage is on the rocks, you start to wonder how relationship goals that require two people’s active participation apply to you. That’s why I decided to write Ten Marriage Saving Strategies You Can Do Alone! for those people who don’t have the luxury of their partner’s support.  Here are ten goals that you can accomplish yourself! By Divorce Bustings Michele Weiner-Davis

1. Envision positive outcomes
There is no way that you can begin to accomplish positive change your marriage if you don’t believe it is possible. Start by imagining what your life will be like when your marriage truly turns a corner. The more you can picture every detail, the easier it will be to eventually step into this picture at some later date.

2. Act as if you expect miracles to occur
Once you can imagine positive outcomes, reflect on how you will be behaving differently when they happen. Then start doing that right now!

3. Be kind, even if you think your spouse doesn’t deserve it
You may be angry, disappointed, or even devastated by your spouse’s choices and actions. However, rather than react to unsettling behavior, assume your spouse is lost and confused. Be patient, kind and steady and your efforts will pay off.

4. Focus on small, positive changes
Don’t expect big changes overnight or you will be disappointed and it will make it hard to stay on track. Imagine the smallest change possible that would signal a shift in how things have been going. Then focus on that.

5. Promise yourself that you will have a great future, no matter what
You can not control what your spouse does, but you can control what you decide to do with yourself and your children, if you have them. Take a deep breath and envision how you are going to create a great future, regardless of your spouse’s choices.

6. Exercise your worry away
Take a walk, get some exercise to become more fit. Exercise can be a lifesaver. It helps to assuage worries, feel good about yourself and increase feel-good hormones like endorphins. Go for it!

7. Do one new thing you enjoy
Don’t become stale just because you are having a shaky time in your marriage. Novelty will stimulate your brain and maybe even your heart and help you have a more positive outlook about the future.

8. Make sure you have quality time with your children or other loved ones.  Be present.
Many times, when people are teetering on the brink of divorce, their pain makes them become self-absorbed and staying the moment becomes a challenging task. You will never be able to do your children’s childhood again, so do your best to be with them mentally when you’re with them.

9. If you get off track, get back on quickly without self-blame
What separates the winners from the losers is not whether or how many times you get off track, it’s how rapidly you get back on track. If you’ve veered from the Divorce Busting plan, hop right back on track without self-recrimination.

10. Do activities that help you rediscover serenity
Meditate, pray, hike in the mountains or watch a sky full of shooting stars. On a regular basis, do whatever it takes to bring you back to yourself. You and everyone around will benefit from your peacefulness.

Hope you enjoy some of these simple but effective tools for life, happiness and love, Mheyah www.connectionpointcounselling.com

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What is Communication really? by Mheyah Bailey

“It has been said that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives”

People tend to say communication is key” or “you have to communicate to have a good relationship” but honestly, what is good communication?

How is it going to help you create a more loving, peaceful and passionate relationship with your partner?

Simply put, good communication is “heart to heart connection” When we speak from our heart we are being honest and authentic about ourselves creating more understanding,  enabling us to resolve conflicts and show deeper love and appreciation, developing a stronger intimate bond with our significant other.  I am imagining you may be asking  “Well, how do I do that, and what does “heart to heart communication really mean? “

It is actually a simple equation of:                                                                                                                                              Consciousness + Compassion + Collaboration + Curiousity = Connection
When you have created “heart to heart connection “ using the Four C’s , love and passion can be truly ignited and maintained, creating a more intimate and fulfilling love relationship.

There are 5 key elements to great heart centered communication.

1. Consciousness: You need to really know yourself, become aware of your own feelings, needs, vulnerabilities and values and how you become emotionally reactive in relationship with your loved one.  This can be very challenging to learn as it means we all need to become more aware of our underlying feelings, which in conflict or disagreement can be a real struggle. We are usually quite aware of our secondary emotions which show up as feeling upset, annoyed, frustrated, overwhelmed or angry and in our typical way of interacting we are unaware of our underlying primary feelings of fear, hurt, anxiety, sadness, vulnerability, insecurity, shame, feeling unloved, to name only a few.

It takes awareness and practice to notice our real feelings and takes courage to express them.  Usually these are more vulnerable feelings and ones we would prefer not to acknowledge or share with anyone. When we communicate from this more authentic place our partners can hear us differently and as a couple you can collaborate to resolve differences from understanding each other’s deeper feelings, needs and values. This in turn creates a stronger connection between you.

We all need to learn to take responsibility for our own feelings in relationship and learn that there is no room for “blaming or criticism” in any relationship. Blaming/Criticism is one bad habit of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” which Dr. John Gottman says will doom any relationship to conflict and potential failure.                                                                                                                            The hint here is to only share how you are feeling, what is important to you, without blaming or criticizing anyone else for your experience.  When we learn that each circumstance or upset, no matter what, is our own responsibility, we are becoming emotionally intelligent. How we react to our feelings about anything or anyone says more about our own beliefs, perspectives and imaginings than it does about them or what you may believe they are doing to you.

When I am reacting and not sure of why I am having a reaction I ask myself:  what am I thinking, how am I judging, what am I resisting or attached to and I try to remember not to believe everything I think.

2. Listening: You need to be able to listen without judgment or interrupting.  SSSSHHHH. Listening does not mean that your mouth is moving or that your brain is already in rebuttal mode, it means that you are entirely engaged with your partners experience, how they are feeling as they struggle to express what is going on for them.  It means that you don’t assume that you already know and understand what your partner is trying to express, it doesn’t mean that you take any of what they are saying personally.

It means you are LISTENING INTENTLY to what is being said, what is happening for them, what has upset them, what your partner values and how they want something to be different to fulfill a need they have. A need could be as simple as tidiness or as important as respect, but all worthy of your time, compassion, cooperation and collaboration to resolve.

Then when you have managed this huge feat of listening, you need to find some more…………….

3. Compassion Again:  You need to have an endless well of compassion.         Empathy and compassion are the underlying premise of all heart to heart conversations and is the cord between your two hearts. Compassion is different than sympathy and is simply the ability to remain in your loving heart and be with your partner’s pain even when it is sometimes directed at you. This can be very difficult to actually achieve, however it is vitally important to a loving relationship. You also need to be able to reflect back what you partner is expressing and how it makes sense to you knowing your loved ones values.

Compassionate Reflection is the action required after listening, to show your partner you have heard and understood what they have communicated.

For instance, my son is (occasionally) lovely at showing compassion.  When I am upset he will ask me what I need, what is going on and then after sharing how I feel he will say something like

“Oh Mom I can hear you are feeling hurt and that makes sense to me knowing how relationships are so important to you and how much you value your friendships” Amazing young man, he acknowledged what I was feeling, reflected back compassionately and understood my feelings based on what he knows to be my values.  I feel heard, understood and accepted and to be honest for me, that equates to feeling loved.

“When you truly put your heart on the line and invest selflessly into your relationships you are putting yourself in a vulnerable place but it pays off and the rewards are endless” quote by one “heart centered compassionate wise “16 year old son.

Can you name one person who doesn’t like being understood, acknowledged and appreciated?

4. Curiousity & Collaboration: It is invaluable to be deeply interested in what your partner is expressing, reflect what you heard, check it out, make sure what you heard is what your partner intended to mean, and do your best to understand what is important to them and what they are asking for..

Have you ever listened to a child who is curious about something? They are unequalled in their persistence to get the answers so they can understand.

Curiousity shows that you care, that you are interested, that your partner is important to you and if you can stay curious even in times of conflict, then you have most likely vanquished relationship killers “Assuming and taking things Personally”

This is also where the Second Horseman of the Apocalypse – Defensiveness must not gallop into the relationship.  The opposite of curiousity is defending and if you want a deeply intimate connection with your loved one then it is important to stay present to what is happening, what is trying to happen and collaboratively decide what needs to happen going forward. Being curious about your partner’s life, how they experience it and appreciate their perspective is the key to love and connection and creates an unbreakable bond between you and your partner.

5. Body Language: You need to be open. Your body language says a lot about you and whether you are open and accepting of your partner and what they are saying to you, or whether you are being defensive or distant. We can give a whole different message if we are not conscious of how we are physically showing up.  We need to have an open body stance without crossed arms, eye to eye contact and affectionate reassuring touch so our partners can feel our availability, our love and acceptance even in conflict.

It is vitally important that we do not give in to the Third and Fourth Horseman – Distancing and Contempt and are close cousins.  Distancing or withdrawing is obvious in that nothing can be resolved if you are physically or emotionally unavailable for communication and connection and may send a message to your partner that they are unimportant. Contempt can be subtle but is an extremely negative signal that is not only physically damaging to the receiver but is the main cause of relationship failure. Contempt can be as small a gesture as an “eyeball roll” a “downturn of the lip” signifying judgment and disapproval, to the extreme of condescending comments and disdainful or disapproving put downs. If a person lives with contempt it increases their chances of ill health and depression.  So I want to encourage you all to refrain from any contemptuous behavior.  Compassion is the antidote to contempt, and body language shows love and acceptance through being in a relaxed open posture with eye to eye connection.

So now you have the basic “4 C’s of Great Communication “which if used regularly will create more love, fulfillment and passion in your relationship.

Consciousness + Compassion + Collaboration + Curiousity = Loving Connection

I hope that these insights have been helpful for creating loving connections with your partner

Some of my favourite reading suggestions are:

Non-Violent Communication by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg
The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix
Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
Conscious Loving by Gay and Katie Hendrix
Happy Communication = Happy Loving
love Mheyah

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WORK WITH MHEYAH

 

Hello, I am so happy to connect with you. I would really enjoy hearing how I can support you to create more love, happiness and success in your life.

I am passionate about
 CONNECTING people who are feeling disconnected, misunderstood and trying to manage conflict and having relationship challenges.

Our ability to communicate with others determines the quality of our lives and directly contributes to our happiness and success in life.

I specialize in teaching people new ways to communicate & connect that creates understanding, positivity, harmony, minimizing conflict, anger, hurt and stress.  Whether you are having challenges in your personal relationships or struggling with your colleagues or not achieving the success you want professionally, I can help you create positive happier connections and teach you the skills to navigate conflict and differences that will minimize relationship stress and damage so if you are struggling don’t struggle on your own. I have added lots of resources and RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

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I am a relationship coach, counsellor, consultant, author, “AHA” facilitator and CHIEF CONNECTION OFFICER. I help people reconnect with each other.

It is human nature to need connection and LOVE in our lives and is as important as breathing, water and food.


HOW I CAN BEST SUPPORT YOU
Together let’s look at what you want to change, what you want to be different, what you need to feel happier in your life and together we will highlight your goals and I will teach you how to communicate authentically & successfully everywhere in your life so you feel confident and self assured in positive outcomes personally and professionally. We will create a vision for your life and turn it into a reality. MORE about Communication


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MY PROMISE TO YOU
my purpose & promise is to inspire you to create CLARITY, AHA moments & TRANSFORMATION, so you can have more HAPPINESS, SUCCESS & LOVE in your life

Mheyah Bailey, Vancouver coach
LETS CONNECT-BOOK YOUR DISCOVERY SESSION NOW
If you would like to connect, please book a session below

COACHING OPTIONS
One on One, either in person, or by phone or Skype
95-60 minutes
125-90 minutes

SPECIAL PREPAY PACKAGES
15 Sessions-1750 (125 savings)
10 Sessions-1150 (100 savings)
5 Sessions-675 (75 savings)

CELL: +1 778-952-4749 
EMAIL: mheyah@connectionpointcentre.com 

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT 101
SPECIALISED LIFE CHANGING COACHING PROGRAM- $2999.00
or 4 EQUAL PAYMENT PLAN OF $750 over 4 MONTHS


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bring all my life experiences to collaborating with others and a lifetime of education to support my clients in their quest for inspired lifestyles, personal change, more happiness, love & fulfillment, better relationships, purposeful lives.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it― Rumi

Love Mheyah ♥
Please connect with me and BOOK YOUR DISCOVERY SESSION BELOW

Please connect with me at
www.connectionpointcentre.com
or by email at mheyah@conectionpointcentre.com

facebook@connectionpointcentre
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Work with Mheyah
Skype Me™!Skype Mheyah

 

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RELATIONSHIPS & LOVE

 

LOVE IS OUR SOUL PURPOSE
Is there anything more important than love?
Feeling loved is one of our deepest needs as human beings.


Any time not spent on LOVE is time Wasted – Tasso

I love this quote as it sums up how I feel about life everyday, whether I am coaching, counselling, spending time with family or friends, for me it is all about LOVE……………………….

It isn’t always easy to be in relationships.

Do you want to understand what your partner is really trying to say?
Do you want communicate so you know your partner will understand you?
I know I want to feel appreciated, respected and understood and so do all the clients I have met so far

In my unique coaching program you will learn what your needs and values are and I will teach you how to communicate & listen effectively, ask the important questions through curiousity, limit the impact of conflict and differences, merging your visions, dreams and goals of your relationship into an inspiring and exciting reality, integrating your romantic love with a deep sense of meaning and passionate friendship.
We will also have some fun learning about your True Colours Personality and your 5  Love Languages and how they impact your relationships.

Couples will learn:
what love really is
-to understand each other better
-your love languages
-to create more passion and sexual intimacy
-to respect yourself and each other
-how to reframe conflict as opportunity
-how to have successful conversations constructively and respectfully
-to recognize each others deepest values and needs
-how to communicate clear boundaries
-how FEAR impacts our ability LOVE
-the 5 Simple Steps to Successful Conversations

THE WORK OF LOVE unique coaching approach teaches profound tools that will inspire and challenge couples to gain a deeper understanding of each other and to learn to live in heart centred connection creating a deep and meaningful relationship that will stand the test of time and circumstance.



LETS CONNECT-BOOK YOUR DISCOVERY SESSION NOW
If you would like to connect, please book a session below

COACHING OPTIONS
One on One, either in person, or by phone or Skype
$95-60 minutes
$125-90 minutes

BOOK HERE

SPECIAL PREPAY PACKAGES
15 Sessions-$1750 (125 savings)
10 Sessions-$1150 (100 savings)
5 Sessions-$675 (75 savings)

CELL: +1 778-952-4749 
EMAIL: mheyah@connectionpointcentre.com 

SPECIALISED LIFE CHANGING COACHING PROGRAM- $2999.00
or 4 EQUAL PAYMENT PLAN OF $750 over 4 MONTHS

Session Choices


Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it― Rumi

Love Mheyah ♥

If you need urgent help you can download my online communication course Successful Communication Made Simple 

Online Communication Course 

 

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COMMUNICATION COACHING


Communication Coaching

We Help You Create Successful Relationships In All Areas Of Your Life So You Will:

Manage Conflict & Differences positively
Have More Loving & Harmonious Relationships
Save your Marriage
Be More Successful Professionally
Feel Happier & More Content
Have More Confidence In Your Abilities
Enjoy More Understanding, Love & Appreciation
Have A Respectful Passionate Connection & Deep Friendship With Your Partner

Even the best relationships  go through ups and downs. Life can be challenging sometimes.

If you’re having difficulty with your own relationships personally or professionally, it may be a good idea to get some Communication Coaching.  Communication is the foundation for all relationships.

Are you experiencing conflict with your partner, your children or your colleagues at work?
Are you feeling misunderstood and not appreciated?
Do you want to feel more loved?
Do you feel unhappy and don’t even know why?
Do you feel blamed and criticized?
Are you not enjoying life?
Is your partner distant and unresponsive?
Are you not where you want to be in your career?
Are you feeling unfulfilled and purposeless?
Do you not know how to ask for what you want?
Are you afraid to speak up for yourself?

The atmosphere of our relationships personally and professionally is determined entirely on our ability to communicate and how we exchange ideas, thoughts and feelings, how you manage our own reactivity, appreciate others’ perspectives, listen, solve conflict and express our own needs and values. How we communicate controls what our lives are like and whether we feel happy, fulfilled, have loving relationships and are successful personally and professionally or whether we experience conflict, disharmony, disconnection, unhappiness and feel unfulfilled and alone.
I believe that as human beings one of our most basic needs is to be heard, understood, appreciated and feel loved and that learning how to express our beliefs, thoughts, feelings and needs is as important as water and breathing. Learning the fine art of communication earlier in life would mean that many of us would have more fulfilling relationships and successful professional lives.

At Connection Point we specialize in communication skills, conflict resolution, improving relationships, team building, creating more love, happiness and success in all areas of your life. We also offer all our services online so you can access support anytime.

Call now to book your online session +1-778-952-4797

COACHING & COUNSELLING OPTIONS

One on One, either in person, by phone, Skype, FaceTime or Google Hangouts
$95-60 minutes
$125-90 minutes

ONLINE BOOKING HERE

Prepay Packages
15 Sessions-$1750 (125 savings)
10 Sessions-$1150 (100 savings)
5 Sessions-$675 (75 savings)
Specialized Life Changing Coaching Program-$2999.00
or 4 equal payment plan of $750 over 4 months

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trust

HAPPINESS COACHING


As your Transformation Facilitator & Happiness Coach I want to help you Create an Inspired Life from the Inside Out and support you to design and create the life of your dreams. I hope to inspire you to make your life an authentic expression of who you are from the inside out. I can guide you to get past what is holding you back from integrating all aspects of your magnificence into a life fully integrated with who you are at a core level.

To live a conscious & inspired life one must use the wisdom of the heart & the power of the mind

I want you to have a life full of more LOVE, HAPPINESS, FULFILLMENT, PURPOSE & BEAUTY and I can help you unlock the keys to your fabulous delicious life.
Do you feel like you need a life makeover and don’t know where to start?
That is what I am here to help you with. I will support you to make the necessary changes and teach you new skills for you to be successful in all areas of your life, whether you want to feel happier and more at peace, have more loving relationships with less conflict or find your true hearts calling and purpose.

Change can be so much easier with a coach and I am committed to support, inspire, encourage and collaborate with you to create the life you want and I will help you leap into the life of your dreams.

Let me ask you:
Who are you being when facing life’s challenges?

Are you in touch with who you are and what you need?
Are you holding yourself back or seizing the opportunities?
Are you letting fear make your choices?
Are you able to COMMUNICATE so you are heard and understood?
Are you living your best and most authentic self?
Are you feeling happy, fulfilled and successful?
Are your relationships healthy and full of love?
Are you living in integrity with your values?
Does your environment reflect who you are?
Does your lifestyle support your health and well being: emotionally, physically, spiritually?

How you answer these questions demonstrates your level of confidence, knowledge of yourself, your character and whether you have the right skills for a successful and happy life. I will support you to create new empowering beliefs & behavior patterns that inspire confidence and move you toward your goals.

I will teach you how to communicate effectively everywhere in your life so you feel confident and self assured in positive outcomes. We will create a vision for your life and turn it into a reality so your life reflects who you are at your very core. I will help you eliminate self-destructive habits that are keeping you stuck.

Sign up below for more HAPPY NEWS 

Thank you for visiting Connection Point Centre for Inspired Living and I look forward to connecting with you soon. You can email me at mheyah@gmail.com or some FREE time with me here.

If we do not look within, we will go without.
The wholeness of ourselves does not depend on our personalities
but depends entirely on the awareness of our inner feelings

There is a science to why coaching can change your life:
The term “Interpersonal Neurobiology” is the study of what occurs in the brain as a result of significant life experiences and how a coaching or counseling relationship can be used to actually change the brain and neurological system. It has been determined that neurogenesis and neuroplasticity-the creation of new neurons and new neuronal connections–continue throughout our life and are significantly altered and changed by meditation, mindfulness, and emotional attachment where new neuronal pathways are created. What fires together wires together. Whenever we learn something new, including new attitudes, perspectives, or behaviors, we are changing the physical structure of the brain.” ~ Excerpt from Familyprocess.org


From Mind Wisdom to Heart Wisdom by Evita Ochel @ www.evitaochel.com
“I wish to share with you my personal philosophy for my life, which today I keep as simple as possible – live consciously using the wisdom of the heart and the power of the mind. May we remember that living from the heart does not mean that we abandon the power of our mind. To do so, would be to enter a new imbalanced way of existing on this planet. We cannot deny any part of ourselves to live from our highest potential – not our mind, not our heart and not our soul. We are multidimensional beings, both on a physical and spiritual level and we are today learning how to truly put that into action and live our lives from the most holistic and balanced foundation.
Ultimately, at our essence we are love. We are not fear, or anger, or greed, or competition. As we continue to awaken, may we continue to grow in love, and exercise all that we are in how we relate to ourselves, others and all living and non-living things on this planet. May we always focus on the solutions, rather than the problems, and truly be the change we wish to see”

MY PROMISE TO YOU
my purpose & promise is to inspire you to create CLARITY, AHA moments & TRANSFORMATION, so you can have more HAPPINESS, SUCCESS & LOVE in your life

LETS CONNECT-BOOK YOUR DISCOVERY SESSION NOW
COACHING OPTIONS
One on One, either in person, or by phone or Skype
95-60 minutes
125-90 minutes

SPECIAL PREPAY PACKAGES
15 Sessions-1750 (125 savings)
10 Sessions-1150 (100 savings)
5 Sessions-675 (75 savings)

CELL: +1 778-952-4749 
EMAIL: mheyah@connectionpointcentre.com
SKYPE: mheyah bailey

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT 101
SPECIALISED LIFE CHANGING COACHING PROGRAM- $2999.00
or 4 EQUAL PAYMENT PLAN OF $750 over 4 MONTHS


Session Choices


I bring all my life experiences to collaborating with others and a lifetime of education to support my clients in their quest for inspired lifestyles, personal change, more happiness, love & fulfillment, better relationships, purposeful lives.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it― Rumi

Love Mheyah ♥
Work with Mheyah

Mheyah Bailey, Vancouver coach

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